Price of the Past
by gosgirl
Summary: Will Gibbs' brush with death mark the end of their relationship or a way into the future? Established Gabby. Post-episode tag to Requiem.
1. Chapter 1: Too High a Price?

**Price of the Past**

Author: Gosgirl  
Rating: Eventual M  
Pairing: Abby/Gibbs  
Category: Romance / angst  
Spoilers: Season 5, Requiem  
Summary: Will Gibbs' brush with death mark the end of their relationship or a way into the future? Established Gabby. Post-episode tag to Requiem.

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended. _NCIS_ and its characters are the property of DPB and CBS. If I had a silver-haired, blue-eyed Marine with a cabin to play with, do you think I'd have time for writing?

Author's Note: originally written for the prompt 'stay' on the Gabby Shipper Forum, but which expanded way beyond what I originally intended… I know, you're shocked coz that never happens to me!

Big hugs to Kesterpan and Gibbsredhoodie for letting me talk this one through with them so many times. This story is also a birthday present for WiththeGrain and Gibbsredhoodie, who spookily share a birthday next week... although it's perhaps a little unfair to have asked Hoodie to beta her own present, so I hope she'll forgive me!

* * *

**Chapter 1 – Too High a Price?**

In the end, they all left him.

And now he feared Abby would do the same... and take his heart with her.

He doubted he'd survive it.

By the time it got to this stage in his past relationships, Gibbs usually felt a tinge of relief mixed in with the hurt when his soon-to-be ex-wives and lovers walked away.

And now, the bittersweet irony of his girls telling him it was okay to go back, implying he had more to live for, didn't go unnoticed when the very reason for Gibbs wanting to stay might be about to walk away from him.

Abby.

They'd only been together a few months, since his difficult break-up with Hollis and Abby's painful parting from Marty. Since then, he'd been gradually moving Abby in. She'd just given up the lease to her apartment and next week, they were going to finally clear the place and move her into his house completely.

It was something they both wanted, to see if they could make this work. And even though they were still finding their feet in this new relationship, both at work and home, Gibbs felt more content than he'd been in years... and it was all down to Abby.

Until Maddie's sudden reappearance in his life had thrown him into emotional turmoil, resulting in him trying to turn the clock back and do for Kelly's friend what he'd been unable to do for his own daughter... save her.

Once again, his past had shown its ability to blindside him and drag raw wounds back to the surface.

Gibbs had hoped Abby would understand how Maddie was a glimpse of what might have been. As he'd said to Ducky, he looked at Maddie and saw Kelly… as his daughter might have been if she'd lived.

Maddie seemed like almost the last living connection to his dead child, so how could he not do everything in his power to try and help her?

He'd _needed _to do it.

He felt he owed it to Kelly and Shannon to at least try.

But now Gibbs didn't know whether his actions in going off grid had damaged not only his relationship with his lover but with his Senior Field Agent too. When he'd left DiNozzo at the hospital earlier, the look in Tony's eyes had clearly said '_later_' and Gibbs suspected the reckoning for not allowing Tony to protect his six... again... wouldn't be long in coming.

It wasn't the first time and Gibbs doubted it would be the last.

But Gibbs had to acknowledge that if it hadn't been for Tony's actions, he and Maddie would have died in that river. So both Tony and Abby had earned a degree of 'I told you so'... however much Gibbs didn't like to admit it.

Along with Ducky, Tony was one of the few people who knew about his relationship with Abby. So no doubt Tony's annoyance with Gibbs would be as much to do with his boss and friend putting his own life at risk, as it was for putting Abby through hell.

Gibbs hadn't seen Abby since he'd rushed out of NCIS earlier until she'd arrived at the hospital where the three of them were being checked over after their dip in the Potomac.

And there she'd just stopped in her tracks as she bustled through the door before rushing forward and wrapping him a tight but very silent hug, her eyes bright with unshed tears and accusations. After pulling back to do the same to Tony and Maddie, Abby then sat quietly by his SFA's bedside, clutching Tony's hand.

Gibbs understood why she did so but it hurt nevertheless to see Abby shy away from him without a word and go to Tony's side.

And a silent Abby was never good news.

As Gibbs made to leave the hospital later, Abby had murmured quietly that she wanted to sit with Tony for a while longer before coming home... and Gibbs wondered if that was the last time he'd hear Abby refer to his house as home.

The sad reproach in those green eyes as Gibbs left the room was heart-rending.

She also didn't argue with him about staying at the hospital and Gibbs didn't know whether to be relieved or worried.

In view of his SFA's medical history and damaged lungs, the medics insisted DiNozzo stay at least overnight under observation and on IV antibiotics, which had greatly pissed Tony off. Gibbs and Maddie had been similarly advised to stay put till the morning to be monitored and pumped full of preventative antibiotics but unlike Gibbs, Maddie had agreed.

The doctors had tried to insist Gibbs stay too but he'd threatened to discharge himself anyway if they did that. So the doctors reluctantly acquiesced, merely giving him the antibiotics in tablet form to try and ward off whatever Gibbs might have caught from the less than clean waters of the Potomac.

They'd also extracted a promise that he'd call a doctor if he developed any signs of a cough or started to run a fever, and that he would allow himself to be checked over again thoroughly in the morning.

Gibbs had agreed, fairly sure that Ducky would be on his case anyway if he didn't. He'd taken the tablets with him, but they were currently sitting on his bedside table unopened as he sat down in the basement, steadily lowering the level in the bourbon bottle at his elbow.

He also wasn't proud to admit that he really wanted to get out of the hospital to get away from Tony as well... to put off the inevitable confrontation until after he'd settled his mind, if he could.

But he couldn't have sat and brooded at the hospital... he needed his basement and boat... and bourbon.

He felt exhausted, both mentally and physically, and despite taking a hot shower when he got home, he still felt sore and was covered in bruises, not least from Tony's CPR.

His mental exhaustion stemmed partly from all the emotions triggered by the past days and Maddie's reappearance in his life, and their near brush with death, rising up to choke him.

After the adrenaline rush... he was now surrounded by the calm of his basement. But the quiet wasn't doing its usual job of calming his mind; and he didn't think he could sleep any time soon.

Not until Abby arrived home… or didn't.

His boat wasn't helping either, for once. He'd tried to lose himself in the usually soothing work on _The Kelly_, but found he couldn't empty his mind enough to let it centre him.

So now, he was sat on a sawhorse, staring at the photos on his workbench... the well thumbed one of Kelly and Maddie which she'd given him, and the new one Abby had taken of himself and Maddie in the bullpen.

He'd already reburied the girls' memory box back in the garden.

He couldn't even face opening it... not yet.

Maybe never.

He'd tried but it was too much and he wanted to put it back just where his daughter and Maddie had intended it to lie buried. In a way, it felt like he was laying his daughter to rest once again.

To hold in his hands something new of his daughter's after all this time had been both special and shattering... a lifeline connecting back to her and a torment in so many other ways.

This week, the finding of that box alone had been enough to trigger a truckload of memories and the emotional baggage that went with it, without adding the danger Maddie had unwittingly found herself in on top of it all.

He'd almost reached his limit of what he could handle.

But both the box and all it meant, plus his girls telling him to go back, had also made him realise that he couldn't continue to live in the past all the time. He had to make the effort to move forward somehow... to make peace with their memories.

To accept that it was okay to revisit his past but that he couldn't set up permanent residence there.

He'd told Hollis only a few months ago that he'd moved on from his first wife and daughter and knew he hadn't convinced her at the time. He wasn't sure he'd believed it himself either.

But he shouldn't let his memories run his life, as he had been doing.

He had a future.

But recognizing that and doing something about it were two different things.

And the most important thing Gibbs had to do right now was try and salvage his relationship with Abby, if he could... if she'd let him and hadn't already made up her mind that all his baggage wasn't worth the effort of carrying it with him.

She was the best thing that had happened to him in years.

When Maddie had reappeared in his life, he'd feared that by dragging Abby into his problems, he'd be making life harder for her. That it would just be another reminder that he had a wife and child that he still loved.

The memory of how Hollis had reacted to the sudden news of Shannon and Kelly had also been at the back of his mind and maybe that was part of the reason he'd handled it so badly with Abby now.

He didn't want to hurt her and so these past few days he'd kept her at arm's length, not only at work but at home.

He hadn't told her what the box of mementoes was. Abby had noticed it the night before in the basement but apart from a curious glance at both it and him, she'd left the subject alone... and for that he'd been thankful, at the time.

If he couldn't face it on his own, he certainly couldn't share it… not yet.

But with the benefit of hindsight now, Gibbs could acknowledge how Abby might see that as him retreating again and hiding things from her, which it was but not solely for the reason she might be thinking.

And the timing sucked... as always.

Just when they started to think about making a life together, he'd shut her out the moment someone from his past appeared... and he couldn't blame it entirely on Maddie being in danger for making him react that way.

He'd just retreated into his turtle shell because it was less painful that way... it was easier than sharing... easier than talking about it.

Gibbs was drawn out of his maudlin thoughts by the sound of the front door opening, and he held his breath as he waited to see if Abby would come down to the basement to see him. But those familiar footsteps crossed the hall and headed straight upstairs.

His heart squeezed in his chest at the thought that Abby had returned merely to pack up her stuff and leave.

TBC…


	2. Chapter 2: Being Honest

**Price of the Past**

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews and alerts.

* * *

**Chapter 2 – Being Honest**

_His heart squeezed in his chest at the thought Abby had returned merely to pack up her stuff and leave. _

* * *

As much as Gibbs wanted to race upstairs right now, he forced himself to give Abby space and time. She was just as stubborn as he was and confronting her the minute she arrived back wouldn't do anything other than make her lose her temper and maybe withdraw further.

So Gibbs put the bourbon aside and spent the next hour trying to do some more work on _The Kelly_, though without much success, expecting any minute to hear Abby's footsteps returning downstairs and the front door slamming behind her... for good.

He found himself listening intently for any sound coming from upstairs to try and interpret what she was doing but beyond hearing the shower run, he'd heard nothing else. But by the end of the hour, there was an almost sick feeling in the pit of his stomach and he finally couldn't stand it any longer and headed upstairs, pausing on the threshold of his... _their_... bedroom.

Abby was sitting on her side of the bed, hugging a pillow, her face buried in it and he grabbed onto the small crumb of comfort that it was his pillow. She'd told him often enough that she slept wrapped round it when he wasn't there, so it uncoiled a sliver of hope that she still wanted to be close to him.

Heart pounding and throat uncomfortably dry, Gibbs quickly scanned the room as he approached the bed but couldn't see any packed bags or cases. Abby was also wearing one of his USMC T-shirts that swamped her slender figure, long pale legs stretched out, her hair loose around her shoulders.

She looked ready for bed and something inside him unclenched just a tiny bit further at the now familiar sight.

Abby stirred as the bed dipped when Gibbs sat beside her, turning her face on the pillow so she was facing him, a small, sad smile curving her mouth when she met his eyes. Her face was free of make-up and it made her look even more vulnerable as she sat almost folded in on herself. She wasn't a small woman but here, she looked somehow smaller and almost fragile.

Her eyes were red rimmed as if she'd been crying. As emotional as Abby was, it took a lot for her to actually cry and the thought that he'd caused her tears hit Gibbs hard.

He was close enough to touch her and ached to reach out but for the first time in what felt like forever, Gibbs wasn't sure whether she'd welcome the contact.

Her concerned eyes roamed over his face before asking softly, her voice hoarse, "How you feeling?"

Gibbs shrugged and Abby said with him, "Fine."

Her smile turned wry. "Yeah, I thought you might say that, Gibbs... bet you haven't taken any of those pills either." Abby nodded to the bottle of pills on the nightstand. "No, of course you haven't. Not that you're supposed to be drinking when you take them anyway and I can smell the bourbon from here."

Gibbs didn't answer but instead asked, "Maddie and Tony okay when ya left?"

Abby eyed him for a moment and Gibbs could see her debating something internally before she sighed and nodded, voice quiet as she continued. "Yeah... impatient about having to spend the night in the hospital but okay, I guess. Think they were both tempted to do what you did and check themselves out... but I think I managed to persuade Tony to stay, and Brad was just arriving and I'm sure he won't take any arguments from Tony. And Ziva was there taking Maddie's statement when I left and she'd brought a laptop for Tony to make a start on his."

Gibbs nodded. He remembered Brad Pitt, the doctor and college friend of Tony's who'd been involved when his SFA was suffering from the plague, and who had remained in close contact since.

Gibbs was grateful for Abby not going for his jugular straight away but figured it wouldn't be long in coming, and braced himself mentally for the inevitable explosion... or for Abby telling him it was over.

He tried to read her mood and subdued and incredibly sad, with an air of defeat, was what he was getting right now, almost as if she'd given up... and that scared him more than anything so far.

Abby went on, shifting to let his pillow drop onto her lap, smoothing her hands over the fabric, her voice a little more animated. "If Maddie stays... funnily enough, I think that'll help persuade Tony to stay put. They were getting on like a house on fire when I left. Maddie was tempting Tony with a promise of making him chicken soup and he was promising her a proper meal cooked by a real Italian next week…"

"Sounds like DiNozzo." Gibbs thought about that for a moment, not sure how to react to the idea of Maddie and Tony on a date.

Abby glanced up at him and for a fleeting moment, he saw a glimmer of familiar teasing amusement in her green eyes. "That is, if you haven't put the pair of them on lockdown by then... although to be fair to Tony, he was in his big brother mode at the time rather than doing his stud muffin impersonation."

Gibbs gave her a brief half smile, relieved that she could still tease him, clenching his hands on his thighs to stop himself giving in to his urge to touch her. "Maddie's apartment isn't secure yet so I said she could stay this weekend if she wanted... here with us," he almost stumbled over the 'us' and went on quickly. "McGee's arranging for her place to be sealed off."

"Yeah, Maddie told me. That was nice, Gibbs." Her smile was small but genuine and reached her eyes. "She said she'd get a cab in the morning, but I told her we'd pick her up. I've taken the day off."

Gibbs nodded. "We can do that."

He clung onto her use of 'we' and her acceptance of him talking about 'us' like a drowning man.

"We can take her back to her apartment and pick up some stuff before we come here. Maddie said she was looking forward to staying with you... even for a short time, seeing this place again."

Gibbs noticed that her own hands were fidgeting with the pillow and the material of the T-shirt in between gestures, and hoped it was because she was trying to restrain herself from reaching out to him.

It was unusual for them to be this close and not be touching by now. Usually neither of them could help themselves.

"I can fix her front door lock and maybe we can help clean up a bit when she goes back," Gibbs suggested. "Her apartment's a mess."

"I'd like to help with that… Unless…" Abby hesitated and broke eye contact, folding her arms around herself again but this time minus the pillow. "Do you, er… d'ya want me to go back to my apartment while Maddie's here?"

He frowned, staring at her intently. "Why would ya think that?"

Abby shrugged, still avoiding eye contact and biting her lip. "Wasn't sure if you wanted Maddie to know I was here… though I may have given that away a bit by saying _we'd_ pick her up, I guess… Sorry, Gibbs. But, um, if you want some time with Maddie on your own, I'd understand. I can go back till you're ready."

"Want you here too."

He wanted to say _it's your home_ but held back, not wanting to hear her say it wasn't… not anymore.

At that, her head came up and Abby searched his eyes for a moment before nodding slowly. "That's okay then… I'd like that." She was silent for a few moments. "You gonna keep in touch with Maddie… afterwards?"

Gibbs nodded. "Yeah... I reckon so, if she wants to. Kelly woulda liked that."

It was like having a connection with the memory of his daughter again.

And Gibbs wanted to make sure that Maddie felt comfortable if she ever needed to ask him for help again... that what had happened didn't make Maddie feel guilty and wish she hadn't involved him.

None of this was her fault.

Like a lot of victims, Maddie was just in the wrong place in the wrong time.

Gibbs hoped Maddie knew that he'd do his best to be there for her in the future, if she wanted... not least for Kelly's sake. His daughter would want him to do that for her best friend, especially while she was living in D.C. for a while.

Abby unconsciously echoed his thoughts. "Maddie said she doesn't have any family here in DC..."

Gibbs shook his head. "No, she doesn't... her mom's in Oklahoma."

"Then it'll be nice for you two to spend some time together," Abby said, tentatively and saw Gibbs nod, his eyes gazing off into the distance.

Abby partly hoped that with Maddie under the same roof, even for a short while, that she might learn a bit more about Kelly too. Gibbs had shared some memories of his first wife and daughter in the time they'd been together, but it was still early days and Abby always felt as if she were intruding if she ever asked anything directly, or even mentioned their names.

She was still finding her feet in how far she could push him on certain things before he retreated behind his walls again. It was a hard balance to achieve and she'd felt close to screwing up several times already.

But what had worried her more than anything about the past few days was that the minute a real _living_ reminder of his past had appeared, Gibbs retreated from everybody, and especially from her and that had hurt... a lot.

Although in her calmer moments, she understood.

The sudden parachuting of his daughter's best friend back into his life would have been a strain whatever the circumstances. The threat to her only made that worse.

But Abby couldn't help wondering if Gibbs would have shut her out anyway, even without Maddie being in danger.

And now, Gibbs just looked exhausted, almost lost... and she was as worried about his physical health as much as his mental state. Maddie's reappearance must have invoked a whole host of memories for him... good and bad.

Every time he looked at Maddie, he must be seeing how Kelly might have looked had she lived... hit all over again that he'd never see that. Abby couldn't even begin to imagine the pain behind a thought like that.

Over the past few days, Abby had felt as if she were on the outside looking in the whole time, and it had come as a shock so soon after their relationship had changed for the better after the respective break-ups of their current relationships. Things had been going so well between them and she'd been so happy, and now she wasn't sure if Gibbs wanted her in his life or not.

She'd been worried that he was almost giving up at the first hurdle on their relationship the minute difficult circumstances came along. It felt like he'd turned his back on her.

So while she was very angry with him over what had happened today and how close he and Maddie came to dying, Abby was also scared to bring up the whole subject for fear of the way a fight might end. But she had to try or they'd be avoiding the oversized pachyderm in the room for the rest of the night.

Abby was silent for a while and Gibbs just let himself look at her face, taking in the strain under her eyes, the sadness and hurt within those green depths... at a complete loss how to bridge the distance between them.

"I get it, Gibbs," she murmured, startling him out of his thoughts with her soft voice, her tone almost pleading. "I get why you needed to try to help Maddie... try and save her. You were trying to somehow make up for not being able to save Kelly. But we'd all have helped, y'know. You didn't need to go all... Lone Ranger again."

"It's not that simple, Abbs." He ran his hand over his face, frustrated that he couldn't find the right words to explain.

Now her voice held more than a touch of impatience. "Well, don't say you didn't need help coz if it hadn't been for Tony, both you and Maddie woulda died down there."

Abby wanted him to come to her about anything, in the same way she turned to him. But this was _Gibbs_ and it was hard to break habits which were so engrained. She'd clung onto the hope that things might be different now they were together... or at least that Gibbs would try.

And it was breaking her heart that this time he hadn't.

It made her wonder if their relationship was as important to him as it was to her.

"Wasn't about to ask anybody to risk their careers by going off grid with me," Gibbs told her firmly.

He had reasons for doing what he did. Gibbs stood by that and was honest enough with himself to know that he'd probably do it all over again. It was what had happened later that had caused the whole situation to go FUBAR.

But seeing the ramifications of his actions and what that might have done to his relationship with Abby, he had to acknowledge that maybe this time he'd got it partly wrong... that he was lucky his SFA was there.

If not for Tony, they'd have all died.

Going in Lone Ranger this time hadn't totally worked.

At his words, Gibbs could see the anger finally bubbling up in Abby as she threw the pillow onto the bed and stood up, hands waving animatedly. "And don't you think any one of us would have done that gladly, Gibbs. God, don't you know yet that they'd all risk their lives for you... how can Tony have your six if you don't let him? And you know I'd do _any_thing for you."

Did Gibbs even think how it might affect her, by him disappearing like that or shutting the team out like he had... or was he so consumed with it that it didn't even cross his mind?

Gibbs shook his head, jaw tightening, tension tightening his shoulders. "Not gonna happen, Abbs. My risk to take."

"But it wasn't just your risk in the end, was it?" Abby protested, her voice rising in her agitation. "Tony risked both his life and his health getting you both out of that damn car."

"Don't ya think I don't know that?" Gibbs snapped back, his own anger rising.

Abby stared at him for a moment, glaring, hands on hips before abruptly changing tack, softening her voice. "Tony told me how you pushed Maddie out first."

After Gibbs left the hospital and Maddie was back in her own room, Abby had spent some time sitting with Tony, letting him talk it out. He'd told her that Gibbs had pushed Maddie through the windshield of the car and he'd been forced to take Kelly's friend to the surface first before going back for his boss... his friend.

Tony hadn't said as much but Abby could see by his face how that choice would haunt him for some time to come.

Gibbs shrugged, looking down at his hands, suddenly back in that car, deep in that cold murky water, lungs burning for oxygen and vision dimming, convinced this time he was going to die. "Had to. She was unconscious by then."

"And then do you know what he had to choose, Gibbs... when he got you both on that dockside?" she demanded, beginning to pace. She could see the pain on his face but she had to get this out, had to make him understand what Tony had gone through.

"Do you realize what a terrible decision Tony had to make? He had to _choose_ which of you to revive first? How do you even make that choice? I can't even begin to think how that must have felt for Tony. And when he couldn't get a response from you, he had to turn away from you…"

Abby's voice broke almost on a sob as her emotions welled up, threatening to choke her. She had to take a few deep breaths before she could continue. "Do you have any idea what that did to him, Gibbs? You put Tony in an impossible situation and he shouldn't have been."

Guilt made his throat constrict as he ground out, "I know, Abbs… Goddammit, I know." It was typical of Abby that she'd get mad on Tony's behalf more than her own.

"You always protect everyone else but you won't let anyone protect you... Tony thought he'd watched you die," she burst out, anger and frustration rushing through her in her anxiety. Turning to face the window, Abby tried to get herself under control.

Tony hadn't said so in so many words but from the look on his face and the tears he was holding back so valiantly because '_DiNozzos don't cry'_, Abby suspected her friend had rarely faced a harder or more heartbreaking choice.

As he'd described turning his back on Gibbs' body lying there on the dock, Abby's heart ached for him and she'd wrapped Tony in a tight hug, trying to give comfort where she knew there was none.

She suspected that Tony would be having nightmares over what he'd experienced, which he would no doubt also bottle up. And if either Maddie or Gibbs, or both, had died, Tony would have blamed himself, even though he had nothing to feel guilty about.

She needed to talk to Ducky about how to help her best friend... but that was a separate problem to her partner, and her own nightmares.

Abby turned back to Gibbs, watching his bowed head for a moment, aching to put her arms around him, to ease the tension she could see in his shoulders, but needing to get this out... for Tony's sake.

"Tony was even worried you'd be angry with him for saving you… for not letting you join your girls... as you maybe wanted to."

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3: Clearing the Air

**Price of the Past**

**Chapter 3 – Clearing the Air**

"_Tony was even worried you'd be angry with him for saving you… for not letting you join your girls."_

* * *

At that, his head came up and Abby faltered at the raw emotions swirling in his intense blue eyes... dismay, pain and guilt.

Abby let the silence drift for a few moments, wondering if she'd gone too far, before urging him quietly, "You gotta go see him, Gibbs."

Abby knew Tony probably wouldn't admit half of what they'd spoken about to Gibbs in person and part of her felt bad about breaking Tony's confidence. But this time she felt it was more important that Gibbs understood the full consequences of his actions and what Tony had gone through than keep her friend's pain to herself. If Tony got pissed at her for interfering, she'd worry about that later.

And Maddie still didn't realize Gibbs had gone off the grid in his attempts to save her and in the process, put his own career at risk. Abby suspected the Director, McGee and Ziva were currently engaged in some fancy footwork and creative report writing in order to salvage the situation and cover everyone's ass.

But Maddie should know. She wasn't a child to be protected against uncomfortable truths.

"Yeah, I know.. and I will, Abbs," Gibbs promised, voice rough with emotion.

Even he realized that this time a '_good job, DiNozzo_' wasn't gonna cut it.

"And god, Gibbs, I nearly lost you," Abby whispered, her voice husky with the tears she was battling not to shed. "Do you think I'd survive that?"

She had to find a way to make Gibbs realize that if he died, then he'd take her soul with him.

Her life would be over as surely as if she'd died in the water alongside him, and Abby was sure Gibbs didn't understand what losing him would do to her. How vital to her life he was.

Gibbs never seemed to accept how much of an impact he had on other people's lives. He seemed to think they'd all do just fine without him... when quite the opposite was true.

And his next words confirmed it.

"You'd be okay, Abbs." Gibbs realized the moment the words were out of his mouth that it was the wrong thing to say.

Abby stared at him for a moment, shock and anger chasing themselves across her face in quick succession before her shoulders slumped dejectedly, unable to keep the hurt from her voice. "Well, if you think that it would be so simple, we're clearly not on the same page in this relationship. Do you really think you mean so little to me, Gibbs, that it's okay to sacrifice yourself?"

It crossed her mind that maybe this was partly her fault.

Maybe she hadn't done a good job of expressing how much she loved him. But she'd been trying not to pressure him and come on too strong too soon in this relationship.

Perhaps she'd miscalculated.

When Gibbs didn't answer but merely stared at her, expression now unreadable, Abby came slowly back to the bed to sit down beside him, her head bowed.

When she spoke again, the despair in her voice tightened round his heart like a vice. "Sometimes I don't know if you wanna live. I've known for years that you wanted nothing more than to join your girls and I could understand that... God, Gibbs, you've been through so much hell in your life, how could you not want that?"

Abby raised her head and caught his gaze, her vision blurring as she fought back her tears. "But I really thought... hoped that when we were together, you might value your life a bit more and I hoped you'd understand how I feel... I don't wanna go through losing the love of my life... like you did."

And she wasn't saying that to hurt him. She almost never mentioned his first wife unless Gibbs introduced the subject first. She just wanted Gibbs to try and understand what she'd go through if he died.

"I do understand, Abbs..." he began, his voice breaking on her name, unable to get the words out. Sorrow glittered in her green eyes and he swallowed hard, trying to get a grip on his emotions.

"Well, it doesn't seem like it sometimes, Gibbs," she said in an anguished whisper, staring at his profile as he turned his face away. "I've seen you rushing into danger without a thought to yourself over and over... and I just... I don't know if I can watch it anymore."

Gibbs' head snapped round to stare at her, his voice frozen.

Did that mean she _was_ going to leave him after all?

Gibbs had to acknowledge the truth of some of what Abby said. For years, there hadn't seemed to be enough in his life to live _for_ and he did tend to rush in and worry about his safety later.

But lately, as this new relationship with Abby had deepened, he hadn't thought that. He could recognize the happiness seeping back into his life... until now, when he'd screwed up in so many ways.

He took a deep, shaky breath. "Not trying to throw my life away, Abbs. Not anymore. Don't wanna leave you."

The unspoken _don't leave me_ hung on the air.

"I just need you to understand that I'm so frightened of losing you... and I'm... I'm always scared you're gonna want me to leave too," she revealed, hesitantly, not sure she should let him see her greatest fear.

He reared his head back, startled. "Why would ya think that, Abbs?"

Abby bit her lip as she tried to articulate her thoughts, avoiding his piercing gaze. "It's what's been at the back of my mind over the past few months... that you'll realize I'm not what you need. That _this,"_ she gestured between them," is not what you want. And since Maddie arrived and you started pushing me away, I've spent the last few days waiting for the other shoe to drop... for you to tell me it's over. It just seems like sometimes you don't want the present but want to stay in the past."

He felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

Did she really think that?

Had he really done such a poor job of making her see how important she was to him? Of course he had... if there was a way he could screw up, he'd usually find it.

Gibbs stared down at her hand, so close to his own on the bed and couldn't hold back any longer.

He had to touch her.

Stretching out a finger, he rubbed it gently over the back of her hand. He heard her catch her breath but she didn't pull her hand away, merely gazing down at where they were physically touching.

She hadn't outright said she was leaving him but if ever he needed the right words, it was now.

"Been guilty of that in the past," he admitted quietly. "But not now."

"You sure?... You've been pulling away from me over the past few days, Gibbs... and I didn't know what to do... didn't know how to help you." Abby paused, raising her eyes to gaze at him, needing to get this all off her chest. "I know it's been tough with Maddie reminding you of what you've lost... I was just scared you'd also changed your mind about us."

He closed his eyes briefly. "Didn't mean to shut you out… didn't cope very well with it."

Emboldened by her not shying away from him, Gibbs covered her smaller hand completely with his own and held his breath, relieved when Abby shifted minutely closer to him in response.

"Thought that maybe you wanted me to leave," she whispered, her voice husky, almost undone by the feel of his warm skin against hers.

"What happened today... everything was tellin' me to come back." His throat closed over as he remembered seeing and hearing his girls and he had to clear it a few times before he could find his voice again. "Saw them both today... Kelly told me to go back."

Even though his daughter had told him to return, the decision to stay had still been in his hands, to stay with his girls or not, and he'd chosen to come back... to Abby.

His mind was still reeling from seeing his girls again... of having brief but fresh images to add to his already well worn store from their time together.

Abby stared at him, startled, her heart aching at the pain she could see in his eyes. She turned her hand over in his and laced their fingers together, squeezing slightly and he looked down at their joined hands, a small sigh escaping him as she murmured, "Then I owe them both more than I can ever say. Thank you for staying... for coming back to me."

"Wanted to come back to you... Needed to."

He put all the pleading he could muster into his eyes and was rewarded when Abby dropped her head to his shoulder. She closed her eyes, sighing at the achingly familiar solid warmth of him.

"Don't wanna be anywhere else, Abbs. Was scared you were gonna leave me?" he confessed, turning his head to brush his nose lightly against her hair, breathing in the sweet scent of her shampoo.

Abby shifted closer still and rubbed her cheek against his shoulder, promising him softly, "Not going anywhere... not unless you want me to."

He needed to see her eyes so he risked moving his other hand, slowly so as not to startle her and gently cupped her cheek, tilting her face up. Her emerald eyes shone with tears, her beautiful face looked so drained and there was still a vulnerability in her expression that tugged at his heart.

He caught and held her gaze. "Stay... Need you... _please_."

"Need you too, Gibbs, so much." She reached up to trace her fingers over the lines of his face and into his hair and he closed his eyes at her soft touch, the relief flooding through him as she continued quietly, "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to give you such a hard time. I know you've been through hell today... and despite you saying you're fine, I know you're not... but I just..."

He shushed her with a finger to her lips. "Deserved every word, Abbs. But you understand why I did it, don't ya? Why I had to try?"

Abby pressed a gentle kiss to his fingertip. "Yeah... I do. I get it. I always get you, you know that." Gibbs smiled wryly at the truth of that, nodding as she went on softly. "I nearly always try to understand what you do and why you do it... even if I don't always agree with it... So I guess I just gotta work out how to cope with stuff like _this_... but you gotta meet me part of the way, Gibbs. I just can't... do it all on my own."

Her voice broke and it brought a boulder sized lump of emotion to his own throat. He broke his hold on her hand and slid an arm round her back, pulling her closer before whispering into her hair, "I'll try."

There was a lot of truth in her accusations. He hadn't met many of his relationships halfway for some time and it had contributed a lot to them going south. Most recently, he hadn't been able to give Hollis the commitment she so clearly wanted and the more she pushed, the further he retreated.

Abby deserved his effort in trying.

As if that simple promise was what she'd wanted to hear all along, Abby sagged against him, biting back a sob as she let her head burrow into his neck, letting his comforting scent wash over her.

He wanted to hold her more fully, not at this awkward angle but was almost afraid to break contact and shatter the moment. So he contented himself with just sitting quietly as she settled against his side and rested his cheek gently against her hair, cherishing the feel of her nearness.

After a few minutes, Abby raised her head. "I'm so tired, Gibbs. I think I'd like to try to go to sleep and you look exhausted, however much you won't admit it... you should rest too or you're gonna get sick."

"Okay, Abbs. Whatever you want." He pressed a soft kiss to her cheek and was rewarded with a small but genuine smile, and then her eyes lit with a small gleam of amusement.

"Well, then, you gonna sit and hog my side of the bed all night?"

He returned her smile, leaning in to nudge her nose. "Was kinda hoping to lie down and hog your side of the bed all night."

Abby framed his face in her hands, resting her forehead against his and pressing a kiss to his nose. "We can do that."

* * *

By the time he'd finished in the bathroom and stripped down to his boxers, Abby was stretched out on her side of the bed, stifling her yawns with difficulty. She let her eyes roam over his torso, taking in the bruises appearing on his bare skin.

She raised an eyebrow when he took two pills from the bottle on the nightstand, rolling his eyes at her when he caught her gaze. She suspected Gibbs was only taking the antibiotics to appease her and with the alcohol, it really wasn't a good idea and would probably knock him out for hours, but she'd take what she could get at this point.

Baby steps...

And he needed the sleep.

Gibbs slid under the covers and she rolled onto her side to face him. Gibbs scooted closer and they gazed at one another until he reached out a hand tentatively to stroke her cheek. "Can I hold ya? Really need to..."

"Was kinda hoping you would. Need that too, Gibbs."

She reached out a hand to his chest, tracing her fingers lightly over the bruise in the center of his chest, a legacy of Tony's CPR efforts and a vivid reminder, as if she needed one, of how close it had been.

Biting her lip, Abby murmured, "Don't wanna hurt you."

Seeing that bruise made her want to hold him even more, to remind her he was there and alive, to feel his warm skin, hear his breathing, absorb his scent... let all her senses take him in.

He covered her hand with his own. "You won't… C'mere."

Abby moved into his arms willingly and he wrapped himself around her as fully as he could, tangling their legs together and burying his face in her hair, needing to be as close as she'd let him.

She ran her fingers through his hair before wriggling down to snuggle tentatively into his chest. Pressing a feather-light kiss to the bruised skin, she rested her head on his shoulder, her hand lightly covering his chest where she could feel his heartbeat steady and strong under her fingers.

His emotions and thoughts still whirled in his head and Gibbs took deep, calming breaths, his nose buried in her hair, as his world slowly righted itself again.

He hoped they could get past this first crisis in their relationship but didn't delude himself that he wouldn't have to make more of an effort, both now and in the future.

And he didn't like the doubts she appeared to be having about their relationship, even before Maddie appeared.

Doubts about his commitment to their relationship... to her.

Doubts he was determined to erase.

Perhaps this weekend with Maddie would help? Perhaps by sharing someone so closely related to his past, it would show Abby he was trying to let her in? And he'd already decided he needed to tell her about the box… to share that memory with Abby.

He wondered if it was also time to see if Abby wanted to tell everyone else in the team about them, including the Director. He was tired of hiding their relationship and hoped it would make it clear to Abby that he was in this for the long haul, that he was committed to her... to _them_.

Gibbs was drawn out of his thoughts by Abby's shoulders shaking slightly, her body trembling and he heard her choke back a sob.

Tightening his arms, he stroked her back and hair tenderly. "It's okay, Abbs... let it out. I've got ya."

Abby shook her head against his chest as if stubbornly trying not to cry even now but it wasn't long before she was sobbing openly in his arms, tears soaking into his skin, hands gripping him as if he'd slip away from her if she didn't.

Sheltered in his arms, completely surrounded by him, the weight of what she'd nearly lost had come crashing in. She'd come so close to never being held by him again… to never being able to savor what it felt like pressed against his warm skin… never able to touch him again… taste him.

Gibbs slid his hand into her hair to cradle the back of her head, rocking her gently as she cried. When her voice came, it was thick with tears. "I nearly lost you... and I can't... I just can't. I just wouldn't survive… and that's not me being hysterical. I was so scared... Love you so much."

Abby lifted her head, tears rolling down her cheeks and the pain in her eyes made his heart ache.

Gibbs cupped her face, smoothing the moisture from her cheeks with his thumbs. "Love you too, Abbs. Not goin' anywhere... promise I'll try not to, for a very long time."

Abby smiled shakily, placing her hands over his and pressing a kiss to his palm. "Just try and think of _us_ before you do anything like that again, will ya... that's all I ask."

He bent his head to brush a soft, gentle kiss across her mouth, lingering against her lips before pulling her back into his arms.

"Workin' on it."

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4: Someone to Lean On

**Price of the Past**

**Chapter 4 – Someone To Lean On**

Gradually drifting awake next morning, the first sensation that penetrated Abby's sleep fogged brain was warmth and something tickling her nose. Her face was pressed into the back of Gibbs' neck, nose nuzzled into his hair, her hand resting on his waist. Heat radiated from the hard body in front of her, his scent soaking into her senses.

Dragging her eyes open and trying to focus, Abby was presented with a close-up view of the short silver hairs on the back of his neck, his broad shoulders right under her nose.

Taking a moment to remind herself how lucky she was that he was here and alive, Abby pressed a soft kiss against his skin. Gibbs began to stir slightly and mumbled her name as he rolled over but didn't wake.

Abby stared at his face, close by on the pillow, allowing her eyes to roam over the features she loved and knew so well. Gibbs always looked younger when he slept, the lines around his eyes and mouth less finely etched.

Unable to help herself, she reached out to brush strands of tousled hair off his forehead and Gibbs shifted nearer. His arm slid round her waist and head came to rest on her chest as his legs tangled with hers.

His warm breath washed over her skin, even as the slight rasp of his stubble scratched. She wrapped her arms round his shoulders, one hand cradling the back of his head and buried her nose in his hair, absorbing the feel of him nestled in her arms.

Gibbs slept on, his breathing steady and even. She stroked his hair gently, brushing her lips gently over his forehead... quite content to stay here holding him all day if she could. It was going to be a busy day but she figured she could let him sleep a while longer.

She was still mad at him.

And deeply hurt.

But she did feel better for starting to clear the air between them last night. It had been obvious from his behaviour that Gibbs did realize how much he'd screwed up, not only with her but with Tony.

And that was half the battle.

A stubborn Gibbs in denial that there was anything wrong was almost impossible to reach.

A Gibbs who'd admitted he'd made mistakes was one who would at least listen. And if his words last night were anything to go by, maybe he would at least try from now on; and that was all she could ask.

The very fact that he listened to her last night and actually _talked _a bit was a big first step for Gibbs.

It didn't mean things were going to be okay but it was a start.

And although she wasn't about to let him off the hook entirely, she was feeling uncertain how best to handle things now.

If she continued to put him through the wringer, it would only result in his walls slamming up. Gibbs had to do things in his own time and pushing him would only end up making them both more miserable.

And she wasn't a nag.

She'd made her point so maybe it would be pointless going on about it? Although she was hardly the poster girl for knowing how to deal with problems in relationships... so Abby lay there going back and forth in her head about what to do next.

_Okay, Abigail, break it down._

Gibbs was trying to cope with the emotional battering from having a living reminder of his dead daughter suddenly turn up in his life and all the stress and pain that revived for him, and the guilt triggered by his actions in going off lone wolf and nearly getting three people killed.

One alone would have been difficult enough for Gibbs.

Both at once were a recipe for disaster.

So whatever hurt and anger she was still feeling had to be tempered by how best to handle him now... which would also depend on how he reacted today.

And she didn't underestimate the impact of seeing his girls while he was drowning. She had no idea whether it had ever happened to him before but the strain would still be enormous.

But he'd come back.

Had chosen to live.

Had chosen _her_.

Ultimately, she could forgive him anything for the joy of that.

Abby felt him stir and his head came up, sleepy eyes opening to reveal a sliver of blue. Instead of waking fairly quickly as he usually did, Gibbs mumbled something and snuggled back against her, his grip tightening as he settled himself more firmly against her front, pressing her into the mattress.

She could work out the exact moment when Gibbs remembered the night before as she felt the instant tension in his body, before his head came up again, his eyes examining her face as if trying to gauge her mood.

"Hey." She ran her fingers along his jawline and over his lips, feeling him kiss her fingertips and smiled at the familiar gesture.

"Hey." His voice was gravelly from sleep and he relaxed slightly against her as if he satisfied with what he could see in her expression. "Sleep okay?"

"Like the proverbial tree trunk, and so did you, I think." As far as she could remember, she'd slept right through the night, and it was now well past dawn. "Although I think the bourbon and pills helped knock you out."

He shifted slightly, rubbing his hand over his face. "Feels like it." He peered past her at the bedside alarm clock, sighing when he saw the time.

She ran her hands along his back. "We're okay for a bit, I think... Time for breakfast before we go pick up Tony and Maddie at the hospital. I'm guessing you didn't have any dinner last night?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Wasn't hungry."

Abby gave him a wry smile. "Neither did I... apart from a very tired sandwich from the vending machine at the hospital which I think had been there since the Sixties."

Abby leaned in for a quick kiss and felt his surprise as he returned it, before she leaped out of bed, heading for the ensuite, conscious of his eyes on her back.

By the time she'd cleaned her teeth and hopped into the shower, Gibbs had joined her in the bathroom. She heard him cleaning his teeth as she showered and when he didn't appear behind her in the shower as he usually did when they got up at the same time, she poked her head round the curtain.

"You gonna join me?"

Abby hated the wariness in his eyes and guarded expression on his face as Gibbs turned to meet her gaze. She disappeared back inside the shower before he could answer, biting her lip as she waited to see if he would join her, not sure if she was handling this right or not.

She had no benchmark data for an argument with Gibbs... this was all uncharted waters and she was making it up as she went.

And Gibbs was treating her like she was a bomb about to go off and she wasn't sure how to react to that, except just act normally as she would any other morning.

She heard him shedding his sleepwear, breathing a sigh of relief when he got into the shower behind her, strong hands circling her waist to rest on her stomach and she leaned back into his hard chest. She rested her own arms on his as his face bent to her neck, just nuzzling lightly as he breathed her in.

She stood there enjoying the quiet intimacy for a few moments before asking quietly. "Will you wash my hair?" She normally didn't have to ask but felt like she was tiptoeing around this morning.

His arms squeezed her waist and he dropped a soft kiss on her shoulder. She turned to see his face, relieved when she saw a slight smile tug at his lips as he reached for her shampoo.

They shared a shower, keeping it caring and tender, making it all about absorbing the closeness. His touches were gentle as he washed her hair, something she loved him to do, and this time he treated her as if she were fragile and about to break.

She returned the favour, loving the feel of his body under her hands and they helped dry each other off. Her throat tightened with emotion when Gibbs wrapped her in a towel, his large hands gentle.

Abby examined his face but his walls were still partly up, his expression hard to read. "Why did you hesitate about joining me in the shower?"

He shrugged but kept his eyes averted as he continued to dry her off. "Wasn't sure if I'd be welcome."

"Why not?"

She waited him out and he eventually answered, his eyes raising to hers. "Thought you'd be still mad at me."

"Well, I am... doesn't mean we can't share a shower. You've been watching me like I'm some wild animal you've got cornered and you can't work out if I'm gonna make a run for it or leap for your throat." She waved her hands. "It's just me in here... what's wrong?"

He stared at her for a moment. "You're acting normally."

Admittedly, Abby was a bit subdued but it wasn't what he was expecting the morning after their first big fight.

It wasn't what he normally got.

He was used to the brooding silences, the loaded comments, the slammed doors which usually followed an argument, and he'd usually spend the next day wondering if the next thing he said or did would dig him into a bigger hole.

So avoidance and silence had become a way of dealing with the aftermath.

"What were you expecting, Gibbs?" she asked, somewhat nervously.

Gibbs shrugged and didn't answer, not sure how to tell her without hurting her further, and she pushed him slightly in the chest. "Tell me, Gibbs, please. Were you expecting me to sulk and give you the silent treatment or rant and rave at you again?"

"Either... both."

Abby frowned, biting her lip. "Is that what you thought I'd do?"

"S'what usually happens." He winced inwardly as he said it, figuring it was the wrong thing to say by the sudden narrowing of Abby's eyes. "And god knows, I usually deserve it."

"And what? You thought I'd be the same as everyone else, huh? That I'd behave the same as other women?"

When he nodded, bracing himself for the flaring of her temper, she surprised him again by suddenly deflating, her shoulders slumping, her eyes sad.

"Oh, Gibbs... like I'm just so thrilled at being compared with Diane... or Hollis. That... really, really hurts... almost as much as the rest of it. Did you really think I was like all the others? That I'd act like they did? You've always said how different I am and that's what you... liked about me. How could you think that? How could you forget it's me and not... _them?_" Her voice choked in her throat as she trailed off.

His heart squeezed at the look in her eyes and it galvanised him to reach out and pull her a hug, relieved when she didn't push him away but slid her arms around him and pressed her face into his neck.

He couldn't explain it, not easily.

His past bitter experiences had so coloured the way he approached relationships that it had become almost an ingrained habit... so conditioned was he to screwing up. The scars from his most recent break up with Hollis were still fresh in his head and weren't helping him approach this relationship differently.

But Abby was right.

He shouldn't have expected her to act like most of his other women. He shouldn't have forgotten who she was, that she fought for the people she loved and didn't hold grudges... and that although her temper was fierce, it flared quickly and subsided just as fast.

He cupped her face, catching her gaze, trying to pour every ounce of feeling into his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Her eyes widened slightly in surprise and he saw a flash of amusement in the green depths. "Wow... this has to be a new record, even for you Gibbs. Breaking Rule 3, 8 and 6 all in a few days."

"Rule 6 doesn't apply to you, Abbs."

She gazed at him seriously, placing her hands over his on her face. "I'll say this once and then we'll try and forget it, okay? Don't lump me in with _them._ Yes, I'm pissed at you. Yes, I'm hurt and I don't know how we're going to get through it but I hope we will coz like I told you last night, I'm not walking away. I think we're worth fighting for and I hope you feel the same."

"Yeah, I do. I screwed the pooch, big time... in lots of ways but gonna try and put it right. I'm just..." He trailed off, not sure how to put it into words and it took a few moments to get his thoughts in order. "Guess I'm used to everyone walking away when it gets tough."

"And you thought I'd do the same?" She moved closer, wrapping her arms round him rested against him.

She'd seen how wary and pessimistic he was last night and it had shocked her that he thought she was going to leave. Did Gibbs really think she'd give up on him... on _them_... so soon, and without a fight?

It was like he'd forgotten she knew him, with all his faults.

Although the vulnerable guy she'd seen last night was a Gibbs she'd never seen before. She'd never seen him quite so rattled; more used to the decisive man who bore himself with such confidence at work and who was the rock everyone else relied on.

So this side of him was new, a stark contrast, and it left her feeling more than a little unsettled and unsure how to deal with it.

So to see Gibbs so shaken up over the prospect of losing her was a shock.

She was used to her own insecurities and feeling unsure of herself in relationships. So she'd sort of expected him to be her strength when things got tough. Instead, she'd been faced with the guy who retreated, the guy who assumed he was going to fuck up everything in his personal life... the guy who felt he was responsible for the failure of every marriage and every relationship he'd had since Shannon.

So could she be the strong one for a while when she wasn't quite sure how?

But the fact that he'd allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of her was a big thing for a man who found it hard to open up to anyone.

So she had to put him first and try and help him get through it all.

It wasn't the first time she'd felt anger at the women he'd been involved with, that they'd knocked his self confidence in his personal life so badly that he'd react like this.

All those failures couldn't be all his fault... surely?

But maybe that was partly it? Based on what had happened before, Gibbs didn't think he was worth fighting for? And at the first sign of a problem, even a pretty big one like this, he assumed she was going to walk away?

Well, she wasn't going to and she was going to beat that into him at every opportunity. She wasn't going to give up on him like everyone else.

She was going to love him until he believed it.

If he met her even part of the way as he'd promised he'd try to, she was going to drag him the rest of the way if it was the last thing she did.

His words when they came were hesitant but filled with such pain that her heart twisted in her chest and she tightened her arms round him. "Wasn't sure if you'd come back home last night... and when you did, whether it was just to pack up and leave."

She raised her head from his shoulder. "And now what do you think?"

"That I'm lucky... that I'm not gonna take it for granted." He trailed his fingers down her cheek, gazing at her face. "Thank you for coming back."

He wrapped her in his arms and she nestled against him. "It's my home, or so you keep telling me... you're my home."

* * *

Gibbs offered to make omelettes to make up for neither of them having any dinner last night. Abby watched him as she sipped her coffee, sitting at the table and scribbling a grocery list to stock the cupboards and to cater for an extra mouth to feed this weekend.

But for the events of the past few days, it was a familiar domestic scene. Since she'd almost moved in, they'd slipped into a routine that had surprised them both by how right it had felt so quickly.

The atmosphere was easier than earlier, both still slightly awkward and wary around one another, both watching the other when their backs were turned. Given how physically and emotionally at ease they usually were with each other, the slightest hesitancy and awkwardness showed up.

Abby's phone screamed with a text arriving and she picked it up, chuckling softly as she read it. She held up the phone as Gibbs slid a plate in front of her and read it out. "Tony... _bring breakfast. Food here sucks._"

She was rewarded with a small but genuine smile as Gibbs replied. "We'll pick something up on the way in."

As they ate, next to go off was Gibbs' phone and he answered it with his usual terse greeting, meeting her eyes with a rueful smile as he heard the voice at the other end. "Hey Duck."

Abby listened to his responses, guessing the other half of the conversation from Gibbs' impatient tone as he tried to assure the M.E. that yes, he was okay and that yes, he had taken his tablets. Abby suppressed a chuckle as she remembered having to almost stand over him as he dressed this morning and refusing the leave the bedroom until he took his pills.

After he ended the call with Ducky, Abby cleared the plates away, returning with more coffee and Gibbs snagged her arm as she moved to turn away. He urged her to sit on his lap and she went willingly, sliding her arms round his neck.

"Are we gonna be okay?" He slid his hand to her neck, stroking along her jawline with his thumb.

She leaned in to kiss him. "We will be."

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5: Weighed Down

**Price of the Past**

**Chapter 5 – Weighed Down**

Abby pushed open the door to Tony's hospital room and peeked round the corner. "Are you decent?"

Tony laughed as he looked up from repacking his go-bag. "And if I weren't, you'd still come in, right?"

Abby grinned. "Totally."

She rushed into the room to throw her arms round Tony who just had time to brace himself before he found himself with an armful, returning her hug just as strongly.

As Gibbs followed Abby into the room, Tony looked over her shoulder, nodding briefly, his expression evening out and gaze suddenly cool. "Gibbs."

Gibbs sighed inwardly.

_Gibbs_... not Boss.

That told him a lot right there about Tony's current mood without even picking up on the tension in the air. Time to think overnight had obviously cemented Tony's anger and Gibbs could hardly blame him.

To cover his sudden discomfort and uncertainty over how to bridge the gulf between himself and his second, Gibbs nodded back briefly before dropping the bags he was carrying onto the bed and the coffees onto the bedside table. They'd stopped to pick up breakfast on the way in, bringing enough for Tony and Maddie.

Abby finally released Tony from her hug, holding him at arm's length and looking him over critically. Tony was dressed and it was only the tired lines under his eyes, the smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and the pallor on his face that gave away the strain he'd been under and spoke of a restless night.

Before Abby could open her mouth, Tony jumped in to forestall her fussing. "I'm fine, Abbs. Ready to get the hell outta Dodge. So's Maddie."

"You seen her this morning?" asked Abby.

Tony nodded. "Sure have... she's only just gone back to her room, to sort out her discharge paperwork."

Gibbs spoke for the first time. "She okay?"

Tony met his eyes again briefly, his face still neutral. "She says so. Though she also said she had a nightmare last night... understandable, I guess, for the poor kid." Abby didn't miss the flash of guilt that passed across Gibbs' face at Tony's words before he masked it, and the younger man must have seen it too as he went on as if to offer a small crumb of comfort. "She said it was a nightmare about being kidnapped, not half drowned."

Abby bit her lip. "Not gonna be the first I guess."

Gibbs nodded, holding Tony's gaze but before he could say anything, the Italian turned back to Abby. "I hope that's breakfast, Abbs. I'm starving." Tony nodded at the paper bags on the bed and Abby handed him one and he rummaged eagerly inside.

The door opened and Dr Brad Pitt walked in, trailed by one of the nurses. He nodded a greeting at Gibbs and smiled at Abby as he came to a halt by Tony's side. "Hello, Abby... Alright, Tony... I think we're just about done here. It looks like you were lucky this time but you know what to look out for over the next few days."

"Sure do, Brad. Not likely to forget. Hi Nurse Janet..." Tony turned his usual beaming smile on the nurse hovering behind Dr Pitt and Abby suppressed a smile as she saw the blush creeping over the girl's face.

Dr Pitt shook his head, smothering his own grin. "Nurse _Walker_ has brought your discharge paperwork, Tony, if you can behave yourself for long enough." He turned to the Marine. "Morning, Agent Gibbs... good to see you survived the night. I heard about your escape over the wall before I even got here." Dr Pitt folded his arms, his eyes amused as he looked Gibbs over.

Gibbs shrugged, a half grin tugging at his mouth. "Quieter at home."

"Hmm... yeah, well, I'll not argue with you on that one," Brad agreed. "And I suppose there's no point in expecting an honest answer if I ask if you've had any symptoms overnight... any coughing, difficulty breathing, nausea, headaches, high temperature?"

Gibbs shook his head. "I'm fine."

Abby resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she answered. "I can maybe answer that one, Brad. He hasn't been coughing... not that I've been aware of anyway, and I didn't hear any breathing difficulties either last night or this morning."

At this precise moment, she could care less that she was effectively outing their relationship to Dr Pitt but she nevertheless carefully avoided looking at Gibbs to see what he felt about that.

Brad's gaze shifted to Abby and she could see his slight surprise which he quickly masked as he smiled at her. "Thank you, Abby. Good to hear someone sensible was nearby at least. But as you're here, Gibbs, you can let me check you over, since you legged it before I even got here last night."

Gibbs stared at him impassively for a moment but this was one doctor he knew he couldn't intimidate and Brad simply stared back at him, looking amused. Gibbs glanced at Abby, seeing her raised eyebrow and the question in her eyes.

So, unusually for him, he capitulated... chiefly to put Abby's mind at rest.

Gibbs nodded, grabbing one of the bags of food from the bed and a coffee. "I'll go and see Maddie afterwards... see if she's ready to go."

Tony's voice halted him as he turned to go. "Gibbs... can you come back here after that? I'd like to talk to you."

Gibbs glanced over his shoulder, meeting Tony's level gaze, keeping his own mask in place before nodding briefly and turning to leave, following Dr Pitt and the nurse outside.

"Tony..." Abby began hesitantly after Gibbs left, feeling the tension radiating off Tony as he stood next to her.

Tony relaxed slightly, his shoulders slumping as he snagged her hand. "S'alright, Abby. I hope I'm not gonna make things awkward for ya but there's a few things Gibbs needs to hear."

Abby nodded, looking down at their joined hands. "Yes, I know that, and he does feel guilty about what he did, Tony, believe me... and he knows he has to talk to you, especially about the risks you took for him. You must have a lot you need to get off your chest."

Tony shook his head. "It's not about me..." He stopped abruptly, shrugging. "Well, okay, maybe it's a bit about me... or at least about the fact that I'm supposed to be his Senior Field Agent. I'm supposed to have his six, Abbs, and I can't do that if he goes off all lone wolf." Tony broke off, taking a deep breath and Abby could see the effort it took to get himself under control again before he went on in a calmer voice, sounding almost defeated. "I need to know he trusts me to have his back."

"I'm sure he does trust you, Tony. He just..." she trailed off, unable to articulate it.

She was torn here. She wanted to back Tony up, wanted to make sure Gibbs knew she was serious about everything she'd said last night and at the same time, she didn't want to end up with her partner resenting her... and she had no idea how to balance that tightrope.

Tony huffed a laugh. "Well, he's got a funny way of showing it sometimes. I don't... I don't know if I can keep doing this if he's gonna keep behaving like this."

"Tony, you're not leaving us..." Abby blurted out, eyes wide.

Tony squeezed her hand. "No... you need me, at least I hope you do."

Abby clutched his hand as if she could keep him there by sheer force of her grip. "You know we do, Tony."

"But he's gotta understand just how badly he screwed up..." Tony took a deep breath, his eyes shadowed. "He can't just glare at me and expect me to shut up and accept it coz he's _Gibbs_, not this time... not after what I had to do. And it's also about Maddie too, how he risked her life by going in without a proper back up plan, and especially about you... treating you like he has these past few days."

"You don't need to defend me, Tony. Sweet as that is."

"Yeah, I do," Tony insisted. "What are big brothers for, eh?"

Abby smiled softly, nudging his arm. "Not so much bigger than me."

Tony clutched his hand to his chest, grinning. "Hey... how to wound a guy." He sobered abruptly, turning to face her, resting his hands on her shoulders and she could see the concern in his green eyes. "I mean it, Abbs. He's treated you badly. And I get why he was distracted. It musta been like seeing Kelly walk through the door again. Add in the fact that Maddie was in danger and it's a wonder we didn't see scorch marks on the floor as he left, along with a full blown descent into Cap'n Ahab territory... But you deserve better."

"He knows that, Tony. Really he does... we talked a bit last night and yes, he actually talked to me," Abby smiled softly as Tony glanced her way, surprise clear on his face. "So I think it's gonna be okay... and he knows how pissed I am about what he did, and what it meant for you. I let him have it with both barrels... not sure if I went too far but I had to get it out and you know what I'm like when I get going..."

Tony chuckled. "Oh yeah, I know... a runaway train."

She smiled softly at him. "You got that right. So, yeah, we're working on it. We just gotta work it out ourselves I guess."

Tony held up his hands, beginning to turn away."Okay... I get it, it's not my business."

"That's not what I meant and you know it." She tugged on his arm to pull him back, waiting for Tony to meet her gaze. "I love that you've got my back too, Tony, I really do but whatever Gibbs did or didn't do, I love him and that's never gonna change... So however much I can lean on you, and I do and will, I promise, it's gotta be down to us to figure it out."

"Yeah, I know it is, Abbs," Tony acknowledged. "I just worry about ya..."

Abby wrapped her arms round him a tight hug, resting her head on his shoulder. "And I love that you do... It's gonna haunt me for a while that I nearly lost Gibbs... coulda lost you too and that I'm not likely to forget either."

Tony patted her back. "Oh, I was never in any danger, Abbs... not Anthony DiNozzo Phys-Ed Major."

Abby pulled back to snag his gaze. "Not Anthony DiNozzo, lungs damaged by Y pestis?"

She saw Tony flinch. "Great reminder, Abbs... gee, thanks."

"Well, I'm not gonna ignore it, am I? It's why Brad kept you in overnight... you gotta be careful with those lungs mister," she placed her hand over his chest, "or I shall nag... and you know how I can."

"If you were in a nurse's uniform, you could nag me all you like."

Abby giggled softly. "Well, I guess if the fantasies are in full swing, you're getting back to normal. How are you, really?" Abby prompted after a pause and held up her hand as he made to speak. "And it's me, remember so stop deflecting."

Tony sighed before sitting on the side of the bed and Abby settled next to him, leaning into him. "I'm okay... really, Abbs. Didn't sleep too good but then you can never sleep in here... too noisy... far too many sick people about."

Abby chuckled. "Yeah... that's the problem with hospitals." She paused before asking quietly, "Nightmares?"

"Who me?" He resumed his search of the paper bag of food, removing a breakfast burrito and unwrapping it.

Abby raised her head and elbowed him gently in the side. "Yes... you. Don't you do a Gibbs on me too, Tony. You don't have to do everything alone either."

"I know..." Tony stared off into the distance for a moment. "No, no nightmares last night. Guess I wasn't deeply asleep enough for that, so I've got that bit of _fun_ to look forward to," Tony admitted ruefully. "I'm more worried about Maddie."

"I know," Abby agreed. "She's had a tough time... stalked, threatened, kidnapped, questioned, threatened again, nearly drowned. Not your average co-ed experience, even in D.C."

"Well, it's typical weekend for some colleges." Tony gave her a brief grin before shrugging. "She's still going home with you two for the weekend, right?"

Abby nodded. "Yup... when we've dropped you off, we'll head over to her apartment and pick up some clothes."

"Good... I don't think she should be alone for a few days, and certainly not till we've made her apartment secure." Tony spoke round a mouthful. "This is really good, Abbs... thanks."

"Can't have you wasting away, can we?" teased Abby. "Gibbs said he's gonna fix her door and I'm sure we can help her clear up. Gibbs said her apartment was a mess."

"You can count me in on that one too." Tony paused for a moment, glancing at Abby's profile as if unsure whether to go on. "Maddie's been blaming herself for what happened, y'know."

Abby shook her head. "Poor kid."

Tony nodded. "Yeah... I tried telling her there was no need to feel guilty and she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, but I don't think it's sunk in yet. She thinks she's to blame for risking Gibbs' life. I tried to tell her Gibbs makes his own choices... takes his own risks but..." Tony shrugged. "Think she might need to hear that one from Gibbs... or you. I did tell her Gibbs went off grid though... and that's why he was on his own at the warehouse."

Abby glanced at him, momentarily startled. She'd already thought Maddie should know that but didn't expect Tony to take that extra burden onto his shoulders. "You didn't need to take on that extra hassle... I was gonna try and find time this weekend to talk to her, try and get her to understand."

Tony shrugged, picking up his coffee and taking a sip. "Figured it might be easier coming from me... besides, you might not get much of a chance to tell Maddie unless you can get her on her own. And she'd already started asking lots of questions, y'know, so what could I do? Questions like she was surprised Gibbs didn't have more back-up at the warehouse, asked me if I was out there all the time, waiting to jump in..." He paused, a slight grin emerging... "Well, y'know, other than waiting to jump in the river. And was the team backing him up..." Tony intercepted her rueful glance. "Yeah... I know, if only."

"Yeah... if only." She leaned in to kiss his cheek. "Thank you... one less thing to think about."

"Well, he's not gonna admit it himself is he, Abbs?" Tony waved his cup to emphasize his point. "And she deserves to know I reckon... Maddie needs to know how far Gibbs was prepared to go for her."

"I know she does... I was thinking about that last night," Abby bit her lip thoughtfully. "I just hope it doesn't make her feel more guilty."

"It might," Tony acknowledged, "but Maddie's not a child, Abby. And she's got in her head a picture of this guy she knew from years ago, Kelly's dad, and I think she's trying to match it with the Gibbs she's seeing now. Bet the two are very different, don't you think?" He waited till Abby nodded before going on. "She's been asking me loads of questions about him... what's happened in his life over the years... so I wasn't sure what to say and what to keep quiet about."

"Yeah," Abby sighed. _God, the whole thing was a minefield_. "I bet they didn't have time to catch up much before it all went hinky anyway."

Tony nodded. "That's what I thought."

"And we both know Gibbs wouldn't have said that much anyway," Abby added.

"Yeah," Tony finished his coffee and dumped it in the trash, along with the paper bag from his breakfast. "Anyway, I told her about his exes... and you may think it's none of my business."

"It was a good idea... someone had to, I guess." She hooked an arm through his. "And you're family, Tony... something else you saved me having to think about."

"Been doing a lot of thinking overnight." She could see the tinge of relief in his smile at her words. "Wanted to let her know a bit about him, seeing as she's gonna stay with you. I thought she might be able to avoid some of those emotional minefields which surround the guy on all sides. She's not gonna know where the tripwires are... apart from the obvious ones," Tony pointed out. "And it might make it easier on Gibbs too. As pissed as I am with him, I know he's had a hard time and I don't wanna make it worse."

Abby threw her arms round him in another hug, moved that Tony was once again watching out for her and Gibbs emotionally, trying to help and protect as he always did.

"I guess Maddie might think he's moved on from Shannon... given how many times he's remarried," Abby speculated as she pulled back.

"Yeah, that occurred to me, that's why I said it, even though we know it's not true... until now." He smiled down at her as Abby shook her head, avoiding his eyes. "She asked about you, y'know."

Abby glanced up, surprised. "She did?"

"Yeah... told her you were the best thing that had happened to Gibbs in a long time, and vice versa." He grinned at her blush and wrapped an arm round her shoulders. "And I've been worried what Maddie's reappearance in his life would do to Gibbs... even before it all went belly up. Been worried what it'd do to him... and you."

Abby leaned into him. "Oh Tony..."

"It's not gonna be an easy weekend for anyone... might do him some good though," he went on thoughtfully, "if he doesn't shut her out... and you."

Abby sighed. "Working on it, Tony."

TBC...


	6. Chapter 6: Answers

**Price of the Past**

A/N: I've said it before but it bears repeating – I couldn't have done this story without help from Gibbsredhoodie and Kesterpan and all their handholding and bunny storming; and one line in here about Shannon and Kelly, I shamelessly nicked from a discussion with Kesterpan... so thank you, ma'am!

* * *

**Chapter ****6 – Answers**

The door opening forestalled any further conversation as Maddie entered the room, closely followed by Gibbs who looked over at Abby and Tony, his face carefully neutral as he tried to judge their mood.

Abby rushed over to pull Maddie into a hug and the young woman looked startled for a moment before warmly returning it, laughing as she tried to answer Abby's rapid-fire questions about how she felt.

When Abby pulled back, she looked between Gibbs and Tony, seeing the guarded expression on both men's faces. "Maddie... I'll walk with you out to the car. Erm, the boys will follow... right?"

Tony nodded but didn't take his eyes off Gibbs. "Yeah... be right behind ya, Abbs."

Maddie must have picked up on some of the tension in the air because she glanced between Gibbs and Tony, her smile fading and a look of uncertainty taking its place. But before she could say anything, Abby looped her arm through Maddie's and began walking them to the door, talking all the time. With one worried glance over her shoulder, Abby shut the door behind her, leaving the two men alone.

Gibbs had been trying to read Tony's mood during Abby's greeting to Maddie and for once, it wasn't easy.

Tony had as many masks as he did and they were just as effective when the younger man used them. If he could characterise it at all, he'd label Tony's expression as wary and expectant, perhaps waiting for Gibbs to make the first move.

Well, if that's what Tony wanted... what he needed to hear, then he would try.

Gibbs moved forward to sit on the bed beside Tony, trying to take the confrontational aspect out of the situation and giving him some way of hiding his own emotions if he needed to.

Tony glanced at him, surprised, as Gibbs sat next to him and his surprise increased as Gibbs was the first to speak.

"Thanks for saving Maddie... and me."

Tony paused for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. "You got her out of the warehouse, Gibbs."

Gibbs shook his head, surprised at the bone Tony was offering. "For all the good it did." He shifted sideways slightly to meet Tony's gaze. "Didn't intend to put ya in that position. My bad."

Tony stared at him for a long moment and eventually nodded, acknowledging the rare Gibbs' apology. At one time, he would have accepted it gladly, figuring it was all he'd get out of the Marine but this time, it wasn't enough.

It wasn't even an apology he wanted.

He needed Gibbs to understand what he'd done, how much he'd risked and how close he had come to losing not only his own life and Maddie's, but to destroying Abby in the process.

Tony figured Gibbs did know that deep down but at the risk of triggering the Marine's temper, he had to try to make him understand what it did to the team to watch Gibbs push them away like this over and over again when things got too... personal.

So although Tony knew it was like poking an armed, bad tempered, grizzly bear with a big stick, he felt he had to...

So he prodded.

"Until next time, huh?"

Gibbs glanced at Tony sharply. "Not planning on a next time."

"Doubt you planned on it this time either." Tony got to his feet, running his hand through his hair as he walked away a few feet, feeling the need to move... to pace as he tried to find the right words to get through to Gibbs.

He'd spent most of the night thinking through what had happened, his imagination running riot over all the ways it could have ended... and none of them good. His Boss had gone Lone Ranger before, more times than Tony cared to admit and it never got any easier.

And now, given the Marine's new relationship with Abby, Tony had hoped it would make the guy think twice before rushing off again, but he hadn't bargained on someone like Maddie walking through the door.

But Tony sensed that if he tackled that side of what had happened now, it would only make Gibbs either flare up or retreat even more. So he tried a different tack.

Tony turned to face him. "Why didn't you let us help you, Gibbs? You know we would've... any of the team would've been right behind you. As your friend, I'd have been right there."

Gibbs shook his head. "Didn't want anyone else risking their job or... life." He stumbled over the last word as that's exactly what Tony had done in the end.

"Our choice to make," Tony stated flatly. "If you'd just stopped before haring out of there with your ass on fire and instead, come down and briefed us, we coulda come up with a plan... and yeah, I know you already had a plan but you didn't have back up at the warehouse, did you? We coulda given you that back up."

"Didn't think there was time." A thought struck Gibbs. "How did you find out where we were?

Tony huffed an ironic laugh. "Well, it's a good job Abby is so good at what she does then, isn't it? She made the connection with the shellfish and which warehouse handled deliveries. If she hadn't, I'd have had no idea where to head for, where to even start to look for you. She's the one who saved you both... not me... well, I guess me too... so it was both of us, if you wanna look at it like that."

Gibbs didn't reply, staring down at his hands, wondering why Abby hadn't mentioned it last night.

Tony went on, feeling his frustrations building and needing to let some of it out. "And whatever plan you had for getting outta there, Gibbs, I gotta say it's not one of your best... it's not gonna be right up there in the top five. You were right on the money with figuring out the intercepting of the mail and then picking up the money and even offering an exchange, which we coulda controlled, by the way... but then, how were you gonna get outta there with Maddie?"

Gibbs remained silent and Tony shook his head in exasperation, determined to make his friend see his point somehow. "I shoulda been there on your six the whole time, Gibbs. I'm not saying there wouldn't have been problems, but things might've been different and all this... _crap_ could've been avoided."

It wasn't like the Gibbs he knew and respected to make such fundamental errors.

The guy was a master tactician but he'd seen it before when Gibbs was emotionally involved in a case. His gut sometimes just went... hinky. His vulnerability seemed to make him lose sight of the big picture and overwhelm his control.

This was more the Gibbs blinded by his pain and guilt, and his need to protect Maddie, to somehow atone for not saving his girls. When Gibbs had a clear head, he was unstoppable but with emotional blinkers on, he made mistakes.

Tony would never say it to Gibbs' face but Shannon and Kelly were his Kryptonite.

"I screwed the pooch, Tony, big time... what d'ya want me to say?" Gibbs raised his head and met Tony's gaze.

"That you won't do it next time," Tony shot back. "But I guess that's too much to hope for. Just... just think of Abby next time please." He went on in a quieter voice. "She deserves better than the way you've treated her over the last few days."

Gibbs' gaze narrowed to a glare and Tony could almost see the shutters coming down as the Marine reacted to what he obviously thought was an intrusion too far into his private life, but Tony merely stared back steadily.

Eventually, Gibbs' expression softened slightly and he nodded briefly.

Tony let the silence hold for a few moments before continuing, "And you don't need to do it alone... when will that ever sink in, huh?" Tony couldn't stop the anger leaking into his voice. "I need to be on your six, Gibbs... you need to trust us."

In a way, that's what had hurt Tony the most... that when the chips were down, Gibbs hadn't come to him for help, when he surely knew his SFA would do anything for him.

"It's not about not trusting you."

"Then what the hell is it?" Tony demanded.

Gibbs shook his head, almost despairingly... unable to explain it adequately even to himself, to rationalise the almost blind need to _do_ something and not wait a second longer that overtook him sometimes, magnified tenfold this time because it was Kelly's friend in danger.

The two girls had blurred over the past couple of days till, as he'd said to Ducky, he looked at Maddie and saw Kelly, saw how she should have been. So the need to try and save Maddie had obliterated everything else... except he'd almost gotten her killed instead.

And Gibbs knew he owed Tony an explanation but wasn't sure how to start. How could he explain it to anyone else if he couldn't justify his reactions even to himself? It made him feel out of control when it happened and he hated that feeling at the best of times.

He knew he had to repair his relationship with his SFA but wondered if too much damage had been done.

Tony stared at him, almost willing the Marine to find a way to explain it but suspecting he wouldn't... or maybe he couldn't? Tony sighed and turned away to look out the window to give himself time to calm down, and both men were silent for long moments.

Tony's gaze was miles away, his mind going over that dive into the freezing cold river, the swim down through the murky water, remembering the desperation he felt when the driver's door wouldn't open and he could see Gibbs inside, at that point still conscious.

When he'd managed to kick in the windshield and Gibbs pushed Maddie towards him, his mind was screaming _NO!_... and all the way to the surface, dragging Maddie with him, his instincts were telling him he needed to be back at his boss's side, that time was running out.

He'd relived that torment over and over again in the night, knowing it wouldn't be the last and that he'd probably have more nightmares to look forward to.

But the worst moment had been on the dockside, having to choose which of them to try to revive first. He'd worked on Gibbs first while imagining and dreading what the Marine would say if he survived and Maddie didn't.

And then when he turned away from Gibbs' unresponsive body to try and revive Maddie, he remembered feeling pain that wasn't purely due to the shortness of breath in his tight chest.

It had been one of the hardest choices of his life.

Tony kept staring out of the window, not sure he could say all this to the Marine's face but he felt he was getting nowhere. He had to make Gibbs see some of it, wondering how much Abby had already told him.

Gibbs watched Tony carefully, trying to guess his thoughts from his stiff body language. But when Tony spoke again, his voice was quiet, drained of all the anger of a few moments ago and he just sounded weary and sad.

"When I couldn't get your door open, when you pushed Maddie out through the windshield, I thought that was it, Gibbs, that I was gonna be too late by the time I got back for you. But it wasn't nearly as bad as having to turn away from you, trying to revive Maddie with what I thought was your dead body right behind me." Tony paused for a moment before going on. "I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty."

"You couldn't make me feel any more guilty than I do already." Gibbs admitted quietly.

Tony interrupted him. "I know that... but I just need you to understand... to see the consequences of what you did by going lone wolf."

Gibbs swallowed hard at the pain he heard in his friend's voice. "It's not a choice you should've had to make. It's my fault you did. I'll try, Tony... that's all I can say. No promises."

Tony waited till he could get himself under control before turning away from the window. "Okay... I'll hold you to that." Tony held out his hand and they shook on it solemnly, keeping eye contact.

At least Gibbs didn't just blithely say he would do it differently, just to appease everyone. If he was prepared to try, that was a big deal as Tony knew Gibbs wouldn't make promises like that lightly.

Tony turned and picked up his bag, anxious to move onto something else before his emotions got the better of him. "Best get going... the girls will be wondering where we are." He rummaged in the side pocket of his bag and came out with a set of keys. "Before I forget, McGoo organized a fresh lock for Maddie's apartment door... though from what he said, it might need a bit more work than just a new lock."

Gibbs took the keys. "Thanks... I got it."

* * *

They dropped Tony off first as his apartment was nearer; the atmosphere in the car slightly easier than it had been in the hospital, even though Maddie kept throwing curious glances at the two men from her position in the back seat alongside Abby.

After Tony pulled his bag out of the trunk of the Challenger, he fielded Abby's hug and turned to Maddie with a smile. "I'm gonna hold you to that chicken soup you promised me, Maddie... coz we all know students can't really cook."

Maddie laughed and moved in for a hug of her own. "Then I'd better surprise you..." Her smile faded. "When my apartment's back in one piece, that is."

"About that, you can count me in on the cleaning crew... even if you have got your own Marine handyman," Tony replied with a smile and a swift glance at Gibbs who was standing watching the exchange with a slight smile.

"Hey, he's on loan only remember... he's my Marine handyman," Abby put in with a teasing smile and Gibbs rolled his eyes.

Maddie laughed. "I know, I'm very lucky... but don't think I've forgotten that proper Italian meal you promised me either, Tony."

Tony gave an exaggerated bow. "Whatever the little lady wants. Bye, Abbs... Be good." He turned to Gibbs and the two men shook hands again. "Boss."

Gibbs nodded, holding his friend's gaze. "Tony."

* * *

Maddie hesitated in the doorway of her apartment, smiling gratefully at Gibbs as he held the door open. McGee had ensured that the apartment was secure but inside was still in the same state he'd seen it in before... trashed. Though hopefully it looked worse than it actually was and not too much was damaged beyond repair.

Abby followed Maddie inside, watching her carefully, exchanging a worried glance with Gibbs who shook his head slightly as if to say give the younger woman a minute.

Maddie gazed round, taking in the mess around her. "It didn't really register at the time when they... when they came in and grabbed me. I didn't remember it quite like this..." She shivered and wrapped her arms round herself.

Abby stepped up and wound her arms round the younger woman, who leaned into her for a moment. "It'll fade, Maddie... I promise. Trust me... You'll soon be able to come back here and not see all this... not remember it this way. We'll get it straight... it'll look good as new, you wait."

Maddie nodded as she straightened up. "I know, Abby, I'm sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't fall apart, just yet. That didn't last long, did it?"

Abby rested her hands on Maddie's shoulders. "You get it out how you need to... best got outta your system, right, Gibbs?"

"It just brought it home again, I guess." Maddie glanced at Gibbs, her eyes welling with tears. "Made me remember how scared I was."

Gibbs moved closer to stand next to the two women, as if to shield them both, resting his hands on their backs. "They can't hurt you again, Maddie."

Maddie wiped her eyes, giving him a watery smile. "I know... thanks to you and Tony."

"And Abby... she broke the case." Gibbs squeezed Maddie's shoulder, intercepting Abby's look, ignoring her shake of the head.

Maddie turned to look at Abby again, hugging her impulsively. "You'll have to tell me what you did... what happened."

Abby nodded reluctantly. "Later maybe..."

"I'll, erm, go and get some clothes," Maddie stated as she turned away.

"Pack enough for a few days, just in case." Abby called out after her.

"Okay... won't be long." Maddie disappeared into her bedroom.

Abby glanced at Gibbs as he looped an arm round her waist. "You didn't need to say that, Gibbs... and who told you anyway... oh, Tony." She answered herself with a rueful smile.

Gibbs kissed her temple. "Yeah, he mentioned it and I did need to tell her... she needs to know a lot of things, Abbs. Best start there. Were you gonna tell me?"

Abby shrugged, averting her eyes. "Didn't think it was relevant... finding that out wasn't much good without Tony doing what he did, was it?"

"Both sides of the same coin, Abbs. It's not the first time and it won't be the last time you and Tony break a case." Gibbs tilted her face up, making eye contact. "Not gonna forget it."

And Abby had the feeling he was talking about more than work.

TBC...


	7. 7: Some Things Time Doesn't Change

**Price of the Past**

**Chapter ****7 – Some Things Time Doesn't Change**

As Gibbs turned the Challenger into his street, Maddie released her safety belt and leaned forward between the two front seats, exclaiming excitedly as she peered through the windscreen. "Oh boy, now this I recognize... I don't know what I expected but I didn't think the whole street would look almost the same... oh, okay, maybe not quite the same... those are different, maybe..."

"It's not all the same as it was," Gibbs put in as Maddie trailed off.

Maddie leaned back and scooted over to the side window, exclaiming at something else and Abby and Gibbs exchanged an amused glance at the young woman's excitement. Perhaps asking her to come here would not only ensure Maddie wasn't on her own for the next few days, but would give her something else to concentrate on other than the ordeal she'd just gone through.

If Maddie hadn't been back to D.C in years and hadn't been in this neighbourhood since Gibbbs lost his girls, then it must be bringing back a lot of memories for her too.

Maddie pointed out the window. "Those houses opposite have got extensions, I don't remember them looking like that... or perhaps it's my memory. I might not have taken much notice when I was a kid."

"Not many families still here from when you knew it, though the houses haven't changed too much... not a lot of room to go sideways," Gibbs told her. "The Johnsons are still a few houses down, remember them?"

Maddie nodded. "Sure I do... Mrs Johnson used to make really awesome cakes."

"Still does." Gibbs grinned, pulling up in front of the house.

"I remember Kelly used to make any excuse to go say hi... and I'd be right behind her." Maddie gazed out of the window, a smile curving her mouth.

Abby glanced at Gibbs, seeing his face freeze momentarily before he turned and pushed open the driver's door without saying anything.

"You'll have to go say hi again, while you're here," Abby said over her shoulder to Maddie as she opened her door.

"I'd like that." Maddie roused herself and joined Abby on the sidewalk, gazing at Gibbs' house.

Gibbs removed her bag from the trunk and came up to stand beside Maddie. "House hasn't changed much either."

Maddie's smile widened. "So I see."

"Could do with a lick of paint," he acknowledged wryly, as he fielded a bag of groceries Abby handed him from the back seat.

And the garden wasn't the same as when Shannon cared for it, either in the front or out back. He kept it tidy but it was a fairly sparse effort. He was sure Maddie would notice the difference. She and Kelly were always playing out back and would help – or hinder as Shannon used to call it – whenever they could.

His throat closed over as the familiar wave of pain hit him and he turned away to open the gate to give himself a moment to recover his composure.

Maddie turned to Abby. "Let me help, Abby."

Between the three of them, they managed everything in one trip. When Abby had dumped the bags she was carrying in the kitchen and returned to the hallway, it was to see Gibbs placing Maddie's bag by the stairs and the girl herself standing looking round eagerly.

Abby leaned against the wall. "I'm guessing you wanna go clean up, Maddie?"

"That'd be great, Abby, thanks. I feel more than a little grungy... if that's okay?" Maddie glanced between them.

"Of course it is," Abby answered cheerfully. "There's heaps of medical supplies in the main bathroom too, so you should find arnica gel for any bruises and bumps."

Maddie nodded, her hand unconsciously going to her chest where there was presumably a matching bruise to the one Gibbs sported from Tony's CPR efforts. "Yeah, I don't have too much in my apartment yet... haven't had time to stock up."

"And while you do that, I'll make us some lunch." Abby turned back to the kitchen.

"I'll take your bag up," offered Gibbs, bending to pick it up again. "C'mon. You remember the way."

Maddie chuckled as she followed Gibbs upstairs. "Not likely to forget."

* * *

While Maddie took a shower, Abby unpacked the groceries and flicked the coffee maker on before throwing together some sandwiches. It felt good just to be doing something normal and domestic... she'd had enough angst and drama these past few days to last her a while.

A while later, her thoughts miles away, Abby jumped slightly as she suddenly felt Gibbs' presence behind her as she turned from the fridge. Two arms slid round her waist and tugged her back against a solid chest. She smiled as she felt Gibbs nuzzle into her neck and rested both her hands on his arms, stroking gently along the skin and rough hairs under her fingertips.

"Maddie okay?"

Gibbs inhaled deeply, letting her warmth and scent surround him. "Uh-huh. Says she'll be down when she's cleaned up."

"And how are you doing?"

"Okay." He pressed a kiss to her neck, squeezing her waist before letting her go and moving to pour them both coffee. Conscious of her eyes, he turned and Abby stepped closer, placing her hands on his chest and he smiled and reached up to caress her jawline. "Really. It feels good to have Maddie here... not easy but good."

Abby nodded briefly before leaning in for a soft kiss. "She'll want the ten cents tour when she comes down."

He kissed her back gently, sliding his hands round to link together behind her back. "She shouldn't need it. House hasn't changed much inside either... although the plumbing might be better." He quirked a half grin as she chuckled softly.

His ex-wives had made some changes, some of which he'd changed back, or lost the added furniture when they'd cleaned him out in the divorces. So the house didn't look quite the same as it did when Maddie would have known it... and the extra touches with the furniture that were all Shannon, plus Kelly's paintings on the walls and the photographs, as well as the warmth and life that his girls had brought to the place, all of that was missing.

Abby's presence in recent weeks had gone some way to making the place feel like a home again. He hoped that would only increase when Abby finally moved in and her possessions filled out the house as much as her personality did.

"She may be a little nervous about wandering round on her own though," Abby pointed out, leaning into his chest, wrapping her arms loosely round him.

"She seemed excited." Gibbs paused. "Didn't realise it'd be such a big deal for her, coming back here and seeing it again."

Abby thought for a moment, leaning in to kiss him again lightly before turning to rest against the counter beside him, picking up her mug. "Kelly must've meant a lot to her... Maddie still keeps her photograph on her website. I didn't show you that, did I?" Gibbs shook his head and Abby went on. "No, we didn't get time before it... um, it all went down... remind me later and I can show you. But anyway, she obviously remembers her with affection. Kelly musta been a big part of her childhood."

Gibbs gazed off into the distance, his mouth tugging in a slight smile. "They were inseparable." He looked at Abby. "Thank you for this... I know we need this weekend to be about us too... Haven't forgotten."

Abby held up a hand, interrupting him. "And it will be... we've got time. And I love that you want me here, Gibbs, when I know it's not gonna be easy for you, especially with what Maddie will want to talk about..." Her mouth curved in a gentle smile, trying to remove any awkwardness from the moment. "And besides, with my ability to ramble on, awkward silences are just toast with me around."

Gibbs slipped an arm round her shoulders and pulled her into his side, turning his head to bury his nose in her hair, chuckling softly. "You got a point there."

If he was honest with himself, Abby's warm personality would probably go a long way towards making Maddie feel welcome this weekend, much more so than his gruff disposition. He didn't want to make Maddie feel uncomfortable but there were some things he just couldn't talk about easily, if at all.

And the fact that Abby was willing to put aside her concerns over their relationship and her hurt over what had happened, and help Maddie this weekend said a lot about her generous nature and kind heart.

If nothing else by the end of this weekend, he was going to make sure Abby knew he didn't take that for granted... if he could work out how to do that.

Abby slid her arm round his waist. "I know it'll be too tough sometimes to get the words out. You don't need to do this alone, Gibbs." She told him softly, gazing at him seriously and her mouth quirked in a smile. "It's what I'm here for... think of me as a pigtailed diversion and distraction."

He leaned in to kiss her cheek, smiling against her skin. "You've been that for years, Abbs."

Her grin widened as he pulled back. "That's okay then." She shot him a glance, hesitating before asking. "You and Tony gonna be okay?"

Gibbs sighed, nodding after a moment, deciding on honesty. "Got a way to go but hope so, Abbs."

Gibbs had a feeling his SFA hadn't finished whatever he needed to get off his chest, and Tony's raw pain over what he'd been faced with, and the choices he'd been forced to make, had shaken Gibbs to the core.

He needed time to process everything, to work out a way to make it right... if he could.

Her reply was soft. "Me too, Gibbs."

* * *

A short time later, Maddie returned downstairs, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, her hair still damp from the shower.

Abby held up a mug, warmed that Gibbs didn't remove his arm from round her shoulders as the younger woman appeared. "Want some?"

Maddie nodded as she came into the kitchen. "Please... and I'm sure that's better than the stuff I made Jethro the other day." Gibbs grinned, inclining his head. "I did warn you I couldn't make coffee."

Abby laughed, as she turned to pour another mug. "Well, he says that about most people's coffee... although not everyone can make the industrial strength tar he likes... I've just had more practice, I guess."

Maddie took the mug from Abby. "Can I help?"

"Nope... it's all under control. It's nothing much, just a sandwich, salad and munchies." Abby threw a smile over her shoulder at the younger woman, before turning to Gibbs. "You want something else with all this?"

"We got chips, right?" He pulled some out of the cupboard and added it to the pile.

Abby eyed him with a raised eyebrow, exchanging an amused glance with Maddie before remarking. "You going with the healthy option I see."

"Hey, you got me eating all that rabbit food," Gibbs smirked, pointing at the raw vegetables she'd sliced up on a separate plate. He'd teased Abby mercilessly about trying to improve his diet since she'd moved in, but was secretly pleased she wanted to take care of him. It was a long time since someone had made the effort. "Gotta spice it up somehow."

Abby snorted as she retrieved a bowl from a cupboard. "I'm sure you'll survive the rabbit food." She narrowed her eyes, peering at him. "If your nose starts twitching, I'll tell ya."

Maddie laughed. "On the other hand, that might be fun to see."

"Not to mention kinda cute." Abby giggled as Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"Gimme that." He grabbed the bowl from Abby's hands and emptied the packet of chips into it as Abby poked her tongue out at him.

Maddie laughed as she watched them teasing one another before her smile faded as a thought struck her. She waited till Abby turned, hesitating before speaking. "Thanks for letting me stay... I'm sorry if I'm ruining your weekend."

"Oh, you're not at all," Abby reassured her, leaning into Gibbs' side. "We hadn't gotten anything special planned, had we?" Abby waited till Gibbs shook his head, hoping he'd play along with her. "We don't get that many weekends off call so they tend to be lazy ones when they happen." They had planned to start on some packing at her apartment but that could wait and she certainly didn't want to make Maddie feel guilty.

Maddie smiled tentatively. "Well, you mustn't let me get underfoot."

"You're not," replied Gibbs firmly.

Maddie stared at him for a moment before nodding slowly, seemingly satisfied for the moment. "Okay then..." She glanced at the door to the basement. "That's a familiar door. Do you still build boats down there?"

Gibbs nodded. "Working on one now."

Abby grinned. "You mean he was building boats that long ago too?"

She was bursting with questions. Maddie could open so much of Gibbs' past to her, provided the Marine was comfortable with her knowing it, but she almost didn't know where to start.

It was Gibbs who replied. "Built a few, Abbs... over the years." This boat was about the only one that had gotten this far and was a vessel he was determined to sail.

"I remember helping," Maddie added as she gazed at the door, her mind clearly going back. "Kelly used to be down there whenever she could... mostly avoiding homework."

"You were both avoiding homework, if I remember it right," Gibbs smirked.

Maddie laughed, holding her hands up. "You got me there... used to love the smell of sawdust."

"Well, amen to that," Abby muttered, smothering a grin in her mug and Gibbs shot her a glance which she met with a wink.

"Shannon used to moan like crazy when we'd track it through the house, especially if she'd just cleaned up." Maddie hesitated. "Can I see it later, if that's okay?"

Gibbs nodded. "Sure."

After a few moments silence and before it could get awkward, Abby picked up a couple of the plates from the counter. "C'mon through... we don't need to stand in the kitchen all morning." Abby wandered into the living room.

Gibbs picked up the rest and followed, with Maddie close behind, carrying the mugs. Abby settled herself at 'her' end of the couch and watched as Maddie paused in the doorway, gazing round her with unabashed curiosity and Abby heard her quiet murmur.

"Wow, it's just the same..."

Maddie seemed to realize what she'd said out loud and suddenly looked embarrassed. She shook herself, giving a sheepish smile to Abby and walked over to sit next to her on the couch while Gibbs took the armchair.

Abby tried to cover the awkward moment by handing Maddie her plate and asking the younger woman about her family and her studies, and the two women were soon into an enthusiastic discussion, Gibbs contributing occasionally and Maddie in turn asked about Abby's family.

As they ate, Gibbs could see Maddie darting occasional glances around the room, no doubt taking in what had changed and, more importantly, what hadn't. And because they hadn't yet moved Abby in, there were only a few things scattered about which were hers.

In a pause, Maddie looked over at him, smiling shyly. "I was gonna come see you anyway, y'know, even if this hadn't happened... when I'd gotten settled in."

Gibbs nodded, smiling. "Glad you were planning to."

"And you will keep in touch now, won't you?" Abby urged and Maddie smiled, nodding.

"I'd like to, very much."

Gibbs stood up and crooked a finger as he turned away. "Come see the boat."

Maddie laughed, almost choking on her coffee. "Now, that gesture I remember too."

"Oh, we're all familiar with that one," Abby put in, grinning. "It's the non-verbal equivalent of a 'jump to it, Marine,' or a," Abby lowered her voice in a passable imitation of Gibbs, "grab your gear."

Maddie burst out laughing. "Not bad..."

Abby grinned. "Thank you, ma'am."

Maddie stood up and then hesitated, and Abby forestalled her question. "You two go on... I've got some things I wanna do up here." She wanted to give them time together without her hovering and making it awkward to talk about some shared memories.

Gibbs headed towards the kitchen and Maddie followed him through the door to the basement. Maddie halted at the top as Gibbs descended the stairs. "Oh my god, that's amazing... you're so much further on with this one."

Gibbs turned and leaned back on a sawhorse, watching as Maddie descended the rest of the stairs. "Yeah... the one you saw was mostly still the hull. Been working on the cabin of this one for a while."

Maddie was silent as she walked round the boat, coming to a sudden stop when she saw the name painted in careful black lettering on the stern.

_The Kelly._

"That's just... that's lovely," Maddie murmured, running her fingers gently over the lettering. She looked up, blinking back sudden tears, and Gibbs had to turn away momentarily to try and gain control of his own emotions.

"Kelly would have loved this," Maddie told him softly, watching him carefully. "I remember Kelly asking you to build her a boat... after you finished the one you were building for Shannon."

Gibbs cleared his throat. "It's long overdue."

Maddie hesitated before asking. "Did you ever finish... that boat for Shannon?"

Gibbs shook his head, unable to speak for a moment as his throat closed over. He'd not been able to bring himself to finish Shannon's boat in those terrible months immediately after their deaths, as he'd healed from his own injuries and as his desire for revenge consumed him.

He'd dismantled the shell of the boat when he'd come back from killing Hernandez, taken the wood to the beach and burned it, the pain of his loss and the emptiness of his house overwhelming him as he watched it go up in flames.

Then he'd sat down on that same beach with his gun, equally intent on ending his empty life.

He wasn't sure what had stayed his hand at the time... still wasn't.

Maddie went on hurriedly as she saw his struggle. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay." Gibbs cleared his throat. "You'll be able to see _The Kelly_ when she's finished."

"I'd like that, thank you," Maddie replied softly. She looked over the boat in front of her. "So, what have you got left to do on her?"

Thankful for the slight change of subject, Gibbs went round the boat, pointing out what still needed to be finished, both inside and outside... Maddie asking questions all the time.

As they completed a circuit of the boat, Maddie came to a halt next to him and saw the photographs on the workbench; the one taken by Abby of her and Gibbs, and the one she'd given Gibbs of her and Kelly.

Gibbs looked over her shoulder, picking up the photographs. Maddie took the one of her and Gibbs from his hands. "I like this... d'you think Abby would make me a copy?"

Gibbs nodded. "You know she will. She can do this one too... make sure you keep a copy," he waved the photo of Maddie and Kelly.

The conversation shifted to other families Maddie remembered from school, some Marines that Gibbs still had contact with and others he'd lost touch with over the years.

He felt slightly guilty for not keeping in touch with Maddie over the years, but again she had been someone who reminded him too much of who he'd lost. He wasn't sure he could have seen Maddie growing up, however distantly, and not immediately been reminded of Kelly.. so it was another thing he'd let slip in his life.

One question Maddie asked caught him off guard.

"How's your dad? I remember Jackson was up visiting that... last Christmas."

It took him a moment to decide on an answer. "Haven't seen him in a while."

"Oh... sorry, erm, I seem to be doing nothing but putting my foot in it lately," Maddie replied, glancing at him worriedly.

Gibbs shook his head. "No reason you'd know. We... we had a falling out after the funeral."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Jethro."

Gibbs didn't want to go into any details and hoped Maddie would leave it there. But it suddenly occurred to him that he couldn't close the subject of his dad down just yet.

Abby didn't even know his father was still alive, let alone that they didn't speak and the reason for it. It wasn't something he'd even thought about telling her yet.

It was another irony of keeping so much of his private life totally hidden, that this was something else that might come back and bite him in the ass. If Abby found out about Jackson by accident if Maddie let something slip this weekend, then that would make it a whole lot worse, especially now.

Gibbs could imagine how hurt she'd be at finding out something else he'd kept from her.

So now he was in a relationship that mattered to him, maybe it was time to open up a bit? Maybe it was something else to add to the increasing list of 'stuff' that he'd have to think about telling Abby at some point in the not too distant future.

In the meantime, there was no other option but to ask Maddie to keep quiet.

"Abby doesn't know that yet... about Jack." Gibbs could see the surprise on Maddie's face and it took her a few moments to respond, gazing at him thoughtfully.

"Oh, okay... sorry. I won't say anything then, I promise."

"Thanks, Maddie." Gibbs squeezed her shoulder.

"Is Abby okay with me being here... I mean really okay?" Maddie asked tentatively after a few moments.

"Sure she is..." Gibbs eyed Maddie. "Did ya expect her not to be?"

"Truth?" she asked.

Gibbs tilted his head, leaning back against the workbench. "Usually a good idea."

Maddie huffed a soft laugh before shrugging. "Well, I just thought... I dunno, I guess I expected Abby to be angry with me maybe."

"Why?"

"Woulda thought that was obvious... I nearly got you killed, Jethro." Maddie averted her gaze, tracing patterns on the workbench. "In her shoes, I might not be so welcoming to someone who'd nearly caused their other half to die."

Gibbs reached out to snag her arm, waiting till Maddie raised her head and met his gaze. "It's not your fault, we told you that. And Abby's got a big heart... she hasn't got it in her to blame anyone like that."

Because he saw it all the time, he tended to forget sometimes how Abby's generous, kind hearted nature allowed her to forgive an awful lot and how that might surprise someone who didn't know her that well.

It was another forceful reminder for him of the way Abby dealt with things differently from most of the other women he'd been involved with.

TBC...


	8. Chapter 8: Door to the Past

**Price of the Past**

**Chapter ****8 – Door To The Past**

When Maddie and Gibbs eventually emerged from the basement, they found Abby asleep on the couch, sprawled out full length with an open book across her chest, her head pillowed on one of the cushions.

Gibbs came to a halt in the living room doorway and Maddie saw a soft smile tug at his mouth as he gazed at Abby. He glanced down at Maddie as she came to a halt by his side.

"She's more tired than she lets on. It's been a rough few days for her," Gibbs told her, keeping his voice low so as not to wake Abby.

"She must've been worried about you," Maddie stated softly, concern shadowing her face.

"And about you," Gibbs reminded her.

Maddie shrugged sheepishly. "I've brought so much trouble into your lives... I'm so sorry."

"Hey," Gibbs reached out a hand to touch Maddie's arm. "You haven't. You're safe. That's the main thing, and Abby would say the same."

Maddie flicked her gaze up to him for a moment before nodding almost reluctantly. She watched Gibbs turn his gaze back to Abby, seeing the concern so clear on his face. Sensing he was torn between staying with her and going to Abby, Maddie moved forward to pick up the mug and plate on the coffee table. "I'll take care of these."

Gibbs smiled gratefully at Maddie as she headed for the kitchen, before walking to Abby's side. She looked so peaceful lying there, her breathing deep and even. He pulled the throw off the back of the couch and draped it carefully round her before sitting on the coffee table.

He loved watching her sleep... such a contrast to the bundle of energy she was when she was awake. It reminded him again what he'd nearly lost.

This is what he came back for...

Abby mumbled in her sleep and snuggled further into the blanket, turning on her side and Gibbs wasn't quick enough as he reached forward to stop the book sliding to the floor.

The soft thump woke Abby and she blinked sleepily, taking a moment to focus on his face, her own softening in a sleepy smile before her hand reached out and he entwined their fingers.

"Hey sleepyhead. Didn't mean to wake you."

Abby rubbed her other hand over her face. "Wasn't sleeping... I was reading."

Gibbs chuckled. "You got x-ray vision? Your eyes were closed."

"I was just... resting my eyes for a moment." She pouted at his grin before dissolving into giggles. She retrieved her hand and stretched both arms above her head, Gibbs' eyes following the long line of her limbs.

"Course you were."

Abby reached out to grab a handful of his sweatshirt and pull him towards her, kissing him softly as he leaned forward, grinning. "Where's Maddie?" she mumbled against his mouth.

Gibbs returned her kiss before gesturing with a thumb over his shoulder. "Kitchen. Was gonna show her out back. You gonna come?"

Abby looked uncertain as she sat up, swinging her legs to the floor. "You two ought to have some time to yourselves... you've got a lot to catch upon. I said the same to Maddie earlier on."

Gibbs picked up her hands again, folding them inside his own larger ones and bringing them up to his mouth to kiss her fingers. He held her gaze. "Want you to share it too, Abbs."

Abby smiled shyly. "I'd like that."

As much as she'd love to know more about his past, Abby didn't want to intrude or make either of them feel awkward because she was there. So the fact that he was actually _inviting_ her went a long way to reassuring her that she could be part of it and not feel out of place.

It also showed Gibbs was trying... like he said he would.

Gibbs grinned. "C'mon then." He stood up, hanging onto her hand and tugging her towards the kitchen where Maddie was washing up.

"You didn't need to do that, Maddie," protested Abby as they rounded the corner.

Maddie smiled. "Yes, I did, Abby... you must let me do something this weekend. I'm feeling lazy enough as it is."

"Well, you're supposed to be resting," Abby pointed out, waving her hand. "Both of you are after your dip in the river, and yet I seem to be the one snoozing off."

"Must be your age," Gibbs put in as he opened the back door and ushered the two women outside.

"Oy..." Abby narrowed her eyes at him as she passed, seeing the twinkle in his blue eyes as Maddie giggled.

Maddie followed Abby and came to a stop on the back porch, a smile spreading across her face as she took in the familiar scene. Gibbs came up beside her and Maddie turned her bright smile on him.

"I remember this... used to love it out here." Maddie turned to Abby to explain. "We never had much of a backyard at home. Just grass and not much else. Mom didn't have much time and she wasn't much of a gardener, unlike Shannon. I really enjoyed helping her but Kelly wasn't too keen on gardening."

"Unless it involved getting dirty," Gibbs put in, a slight grin tugging his mouth as he gazed out over the backyard, his mind slipping back to other times.

"Or climbing trees," Maddie added, laughing. She moved down the steps and Abby followed her. "Although it put her off that time Kelly fell out and hurt her ankle."

"She fell out?" Gibbs joined them, eyebrow raised as he looked at Maddie.

Maddie looked sheepish. "Umm, yeah... she tried to climb _that_ tree over there by the gate. I think... yeah, I think you were deployed, Jethro."

"Musta been. Don't remember that." Gibbs shook his head, before finishing softly. "Not sure the girls told me about it either."

"I was always climbing trees as a kid in our backyard... I was a real tomboy," Abby revealed, drawing Maddie's attention away from Gibbs for a moment.

"And she broke Shannon's rule... can't remember which number that rule was but it was, let me see if I can get it right... don't climb anything unless..." Maddie began.

"Mom or dad are there," Gibbs finished for her, sharing a smile with Maddie.

"Yeah... we were out here on our own. Although it mighta been my fault," Maddie admitted wryly. "I sorta egged her on."

Gibbs nodded, smirking. "Yeah... that figures."

"Wait... rewind... back up." Abby waved a hand to attract their attention. "Shannon had _rules_?"

Maddie nodded, looking between the two of them as Abby stared at Gibbs, wide eyed. "Yeah... loads of 'em. Though she never made a new one in the next logical number order... which was kinda confusing."

"So, hang on... did Shannon get the rules idea from you, Gibbs?" asked Abby.

Gibbs shook his head, twirling a finger. "Other way round."

Abby's face dissolved into a wide smile. "That is just so cool. Wow... Were any of the rules the same? Did you use any of Shannon's?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Nope... all different. Well, mostly different. Never assume is the same, but a different number."

"You mean you didn't adopt the, 'never date a lumberjack' rule of Shannon's?" Maddie teased. "I always loved that one."

Gibbs smirked. "Been tempted a couple of times."

Abby laughed. "Wow... wonder what made her make that rule?"

"I never asked," Gibbs admitted with a soft smile.

They moved further into the backyard and followed Maddie as she walked slowly round. It was late autumn and fairly chilly outside, the colours fading as the trees shed their leaves.

"Do you like gardening, Abby?"

Abby nodded. "I do, Maddie... We didn't have much of one back home in Louisiana. Dad used to grow more vegetables than flowers, but it was great fun watching stuff grow and helping. But I've been living in an apartment for the past ten years so I haven't had much chance."

Gibbs slid an arm round her waist, pressing a kiss to her temple. "You do now."

Startled, Abby glanced at Gibbs, gazing at him before looking round the backyard, a smile curving her mouth. "Yeah... yeah, I guess I do."

Gibbs watched Maddie wandering round the backyard until she paused by the raised bed where the time capsule lunchbox was reburied. Maddie looked up at Gibbs, smiling. "Did you find it?"

Gibbs nodded, walking over. "Yeah... put it back."

"I can't remember what we put it in there now... tons of stuff, silly things mostly I think," added Maddie.

Gibbs stared down for a long time at the flower bed, his gaze distant. "Didn't open it," he admitted softly. He flicked a glance up at Maddie and she inwardly winced at the sudden pain in his eyes.

"I'm... sorry," Maddie went on hurriedly. "I didn't know you hadn't found it before now. I didn't mean to bring up something painful."

Maddie looked so distressed that Abby started to move forward, knowing exactly how the younger woman felt as she inadvertently blundered into one of those emotional minefields that littered the ground around the Marine.

But Gibbs heard the worry in Maddie's voice, and raised his head, smiling gently as he put his hand on her arm. "S'alright... you couldn't know. I'm... I'm glad you told me about it."

* * *

When they all came back inside later, Gibbs excused himself and headed for the basement, kissing Abby as he passed and squeezing Maddie's shoulder.

Maddie watched him go before turning to Abby, frowning. "I hope I didn't upset him."

Abby came over and wrapped an arm round Maddie and pulled her into a quick one armed hug. "You didn't... it's just his way of coping with stuff. He'll work down there for a bit... get his head straight."

"I remember he used to do that sometimes... especially when he came back from being deployed. Didn't realise back then what it meant... how he'd need to get through it. Was too young to understand it, at the time," Maddie admitted.

"Guess he's always used his man cave like that then. I have my lab where I go and think and my music, and Gibbs has his quiet." Abby poured coffee for herself and Gibbs, raising the pot and looking at Maddie. "Want some?"

Maddie shook her head. "No... not right now, Abby, thanks. Will you please let me help with dinner? I'm just not used to sitting around doing nothing. I've got some reading I can do for school but I'm just not in the mood today... don't think I'd be able to concentrate."

Abby grinned. "Okay then, I'd love some help. Let me just take this down to Gibbs and I'll be right back. Hold that thought."

"Okay. Erm, Abby... can I ask you something?" Maddie waited until Abby had turned. "I noticed you call him Gibbs... not Jethro?"

Abby paused, head on one side as she considered. "Wellll, I've always called him Gibbs... it just sorta stuck I guess. Although I do call him Jethro sometimes."

_Usually moaned in bed when he was driving her crazy but that was another story... _

"Or... Leroy Jethro when I'm pissed at him."

Maddie laughed. "It's just I remember that Shannon used to call him Gibbs most of the time too. Everyone else would say Jethro but no, she called him Gibbs."

For some reason, that thought pleased Abby and she couldn't stop a wide smile from spreading across her face. "I... I didn't know that. That's... thanks Maddie."

Abby made it all the way down the stairs and placed the coffee mug on the workbench behind him before Gibbs looked up from where he was working on _The Kelly_.

"Thanks..."

As Abby turned away, Gibbs called her name softly but when she turned back, he merely gazed at her, opening his mouth as if to say something before closing it again, his eyes troubled.

She waited him out and when Gibbs eventually spoke, Abby had a feeling it wasn't what he'd intended to talk about. "D'ya want some help with dinner?"

She stepped close, seeing his struggle to express himself. "It's okay, I have a willing volunteer upstairs... stay down here as long as you need. We're gonna make a start on dinner... it'll take a while and I can field any questions she has... give you a break, if you like."

Gibbs relaxed slightly, his hand coming up to cup her cheek. A break was exactly what he needed for a while.

He had enjoyed Maddie's company during the day but the strains of the emotional brickbats that would hit him every now and then as she talked about their shared past had left him feeling a bit raw.

And every time he looked at Maddie, or listened to her, he was given a flash of what Kelly might have been like had she lived.

And at the same time, there were feelings of relief swirling around in his head, adding to the turmoil.

Relief that he and Maddie were still alive... that Abby was still by his side after everything he'd done... and that he was starting to work things out with Tony, even if there was still a way to go with both his friend and Abby.

But the way Tony and Abby were willing to work at rebuilding the trust they'd all had and not just throw everything away coz he screwed up, meant a lot to him.

But he did need some time alone right now, although he was conscious it wasn't fair on Abby.

She needed his time too.

But typically she wasn't putting herself first... again. She wasn't shoving his mistakes in his face at every opportunity, as he'd experienced with some of his other relationships... and that was another relief.

"Abby..."

His fingers stroked across her cheek and there was such emotion in his voice that her eyes closed as she leaned into his touch.

No one could say her name with quite such meaning and it had her own emotions welling up to choke her as she gazed at those blue eyes she loved.

Gibbs leaned down to brush a gentle kiss across her lips, murmuring his thanks against her mouth and her eyes fluttered closed as she returned his kiss, moving into his arms.

When the kiss ended, Abby blinked slowly as she opened her eyes, her mouth curving in a soft smile. "Welcome."

TBC...


	9. Chapter 9: Sharing

**Price of the Past**

**Chapter ****9 – Sharing**

The two women chatted easily as they prepared dinner and as they worked side by side, Abby was conscious Maddie seemed preoccupied with something and wondered if she should either try and coax her to talk or maybe distract her from it. So Abby began chatting about the team and her work at NCIS and as she'd expected, talking about Tony brought a smile to Maddie's face.

"I'm glad Tony was there with you overnight at the hospital... Well, I mean not literally with you but you know what I mean... a short hop away. He's the best kind of big brother and comfort blanket all rolled into one, although I know that wasn't in the literal sense," Abby added with a grin and was rewarded with a slight blush on Maddie's cheeks.

"He let me babble on when I'm sure all he wanted was for me to leave so he could go to sleep. He's very kind," Maddie told her.

"Not to mention totally hot," Abby teased.

The blush deepened as Maddie smiled. "Yeah... that too."

"Hubba hubba."

Maddie laughed. "Stop it."

"My lips are sealed." Abby zipped her lips shut.

Maddie threw a dishcloth at Abby who fielded it with a giggle. "That'll be the day. Besides, you shouldn't be noticing how hot other men are, Miss Scuito, when you have an attractive Marine on your hands."

Abby held up her hands. "Hey, just coz I'm spoken for doesn't make me blind. The day I don't notice a hot man, I'll either be dead or unconscious. And hang on... you're not supposed to have noticed an attractive Marine... you were only eight, young lady."

"I didn't notice, not back then," protested Maddie, laughing. "Then I just thought he was Uncle Jethro, my best friend's dad... Doesn't mean I haven't noticed now... I'm not blind either and I'm not eight anymore."

Abby chuckled. "Okay... I'll give you that one. Moving on..."

"You are so bad." Maddie shook her head, still chuckling. "How long have you been together?"

"Just a few months, but we've known each other for," Abby tilted her head as she considered. "Nine years, three months and fifteen days... give or take... and I could give you the hours and seconds if you wish."

Maddie laughed. "That memorable, huh?"

"Oh yeah. I remember the first time I saw him like it was yesterday... and we've worked together and been friends all that time," Abby told her softly and Maddie smiled at the look on Abby's face as she remembered.

"How long has Tony worked with him?" asked Maddie.

"Ooh... let's see." Abby thought for a moment. "About seven years, I think."

"I hope I haven't caused any problems between Tony and Jethro... it seemed a little tense back there at the hospital." Maddie went on hurriedly before Abby could respond. "I hope you don't mind me asking, Abby... but you know both men and I don't... not really."

Abby shook her head. "I don't mind. You can ask me anything. And you didn't cause anything, Maddie... you weren't the catalyst at all. Stop trying to take the blame for all this, will ya?"

"Well, I am to blame... if it hadn't been for me, none of this would have happened," Maddie protested.

Abby stepped in front of Maddie, putting her hands on her shoulders. "Oh no, you don't... you are not to blame, you hear me? Sergeant Haas is the one responsible for dumping all this on your doorstep. So stop beating yourself up, 'kay?"

Maddie looked doubtful for a moment before nodding. "I'll try, Abby... sorry, I don't mean to be on such a downer. I'm not usually so maudlin. I just can't stop thinking about it... my head's going round in circles."

"Well, that's understandable. It would be hinky if you didn't," Abby stated.

"Yeah... okay... point taken. Are they gonna be okay... Tony and Jethro, I mean," Maddie persisted. "I get the sense they're close."

"They are... very close." Abby paused for a moment as if debating with herself before going on. "Tony told you Gibbs went off grid, right?"

Maddie nodded. "He did, yeah, but I don't understand why he did that."

Abby sighed. "Yeah... well, you're not the only one. It's what Tony was upset about... what I was upset about. I know Gibbs was worried about time being wasted but it woulda been better if all the team had been there to back him up... but what's done is done now. But he and Tony will work it out, I'm sure they will." She gazed worriedly into the distance for a moment before shaking herself and turning back to Maddie. "Gibbs just gets this way sometimes... I think maybe he saw it that he could save you when... when he couldn't save Kelly."

Maddie sighed, leaning against the counter. "I was worried that was partly it... God, what a mess I created." She caught Abby's raised finger and burst out before the older woman could say anything "It's true, Abby... I'm gonna feel guilty about that, no matter if it was my fault or not. Don't tell me you wouldn't feel the same coz I won't believe you."

Abby stared at Maddie for a moment before conceding reluctantly. "Yeah... I would, I'll give you that one too. But you didn't make the choices for Gibbs in how he acted... or Tony... or anybody else. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. And I'm gonna beat that into you the entire weekend if I have to. Okay?"

"Yes, mom." Maddie moved in and hugged Abby hard, surprising her but she recovered quickly and wrapped her arms round Maddie in return. When Maddie pulled back, she gazed at Abby for a moment. "I don't mean to pry but..."

"But what?" Abby prompted when Maddie trailed off.

"Have I caused problems between you and Gibbs too?" Maddie saw the reaction on Abby's face before she could hide it, and she bit her lip. "I have, haven't I?"

"No... you haven't," Abby denied, turning back to the counter and busying herself with the food.

"Abby..." Maddie moved so she could see Abby's face. "I'm so sorry."

Abby shook her head. "I told you... it's not your fault. We hit a bump in the road is all... we'll be fine." She mustered a smile for Maddie, to try and reassure the young woman. "I love him too much to give up on him. We'll work it out."

"I hope so," Maddie replied.

"I know so. Now, give me a hand with this, will ya?"

They worked side by side for a while before Maddie spoke again. "I think it's fantastic that he's named his boat after Kelly... the care he's put into it... it's like a tribute to his daughter."

"Makes me wanna cry every time I see it," admitted Abby.

Maddie glanced at Abby. "Y'know, I'm not sure what I expected... I knew he wouldn't have gotten over what happened with Shannon and Kelly... that he was bound to be still grieving. How could anyone totally get over something like that happening?"

"No, you don't," Abby agreed.

"But I thought... well, it's been fifteen years so maybe he'd gotten a whole new family by now. That's partly why I hadn't plucked up the courage to come see him yet. I thought maybe he wouldn't want to be reminded," Maddie admitted ruefully.

"Understandable," Abby nodded.

"And he didn't recognize me or my name at first either... well, no reason why he should I guess, it was a long time ago. And when Tony told me about his other marriages, I did wonder if he'd moved on, but then I saw him and he's obviously still hurting... and the house... when I saw how things haven't changed. Well, they have changed but they haven't... if you see what I mean? Sorry, I'm not explaining this very well." Maddie shrugged apologetically.

"You're doing fine. Keep going... I could hazard a guess where you're heading but go for it," Abby encouraged.

"Well," Maddie began slowly as she tried to get it straight in her head, gesturing at her surroundings, "the inside's laid out roughly the same, even if the furniture's mostly different. But I guess I expected with three wives, things would have changed a bit more than they have, maybe. My uncle's had three wives and it's like he's gotten a whole new house inside each time, as they made changes... y'know, insisted on new kitchens, bathrooms, or wanted all trace of the previous wife wiped out... that sort of thing."

"Well, it probably_ was_ different when he was married. I never saw inside the house back then, so I don't know. He was, er, married to his last wife when we first met... or rather in the middle of a divorce," Abby admitted. "But I think his exes cleaned him out when they left... and he's not a guy who bothers with _things_ that much."

"Yeah, I remember but it's like..." Maddie struggled to think of the words she needed. "It's an empty shell. It was always so warm and full of bustle and life... and this is stark... I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude about your home."

Abby smiled reassuringly "S'kay... we haven't really moved me in yet. So what's here is very much more Gibbs than it is me."

Maddie nodded. "I mean I can understand why Kelly's drawings aren't up on the walls anymore, but there aren't any photographs either... and this place was full of photos before. I thought there might be a few photos still up."

What Maddie was saying wasn't a surprise but it was the first confirmation Abby had about how much the place looked the same, but also how empty it was compared to fifteen years ago.

The life drained out of the place as it drained out of him... robbed of everything that made it a home.

Abby sighed. "He's never had any photos up... for as long as I can remember. It's just too painful I guess. And I doubt his other wives would have wanted too many reminders of his first family about the place. He's got some photos downstairs which I see him looking at sometimes..."

She had no intention of telling Maddie that, until two years ago, she didn't even know that Gibbs had _been_ a father, hadn't even known Shannon and Kelly existed and that they'd been murdered.

"Seeing all this... and the boat, I guess it's finally sinking in just how much pain he's still in," admitted Maddie. "How much he hasn't recovered... And I'm bringing it all up again."

"Well, yes, you probably remind him of Kelly, but that's bound to happen, right?" Abby gazed at Maddie for a moment, wondering if she could get her to see the positives instead of the negatives. "And did you ever think it's his chance to make peace with Kelly's memory a bit, with seeing you now? To share some of the things with you he would have shared with Kelly and never got the chance to do that?"

"You're trying to make me feel better," Maddie stated after a moment.

"Is it working?" Abby asked softly, with a gentle smile.

Maddie returned her smile. "Yeah... yeah, it is."

"Good." Abby nodded. "But seriously, I could so see that... that the good will outweigh the pain in the end, so you gotta try and think of the good. And I'm sure there's stories you can share with him he'll never have heard before... sharing them with him is something you _can_ do for him."

"I can see that." Maddie hesitated. "It's just I'm not quite sure what to say... whether to start talking about them or not. It's like I can see him bracing himself against the pain, almost wondering what I'm gonna say not. I don't wanna hurt him, Abby."

"He's kept a lot inside over the years, Maddie, so it'll be good for him to get some of it out," Abby told her softly. "And he's been dealing with it for so long on his own. But you're right, I don't think he'll ever get over their loss."

"Is that partly why he married so many times?" asked Maddie, tentatively.

Abby nodded. "Hmm, maybe... though I don't think the ex-wives were totally blameless in things going wrong. Personally, I think they were totally and utterly insane to let him go... but I'm glad they did."

"He certainly seems different... which is understandable I guess," Maddie paused. "The guy I remember was quiet... he was never much of a talker."

Abby laughed softly. "Sounds like some things don't change then."

"No, that's true... I remember him as... quiet but happy, would indulge Kelly in just about anything... great sense of humour. Smiled a lot. Content... that'd be a good word to use, now I can look back as an adult," Maddie reflected. "This Jethro is... more withdrawn, not easy to read, melancholy... more controlled."

Abby nodded at Maddie's surprisingly accurate description. "That other guy's in there somewhere still... more damaged, less trusting maybe. But he's in there, I know he is."

_And I'm gonna find him. _

Abby didn't need Maddie to point out the odds were stacked against her succeeding where three other wives and countless other women had failed... that this Gibbs had merely been surviving without really living.

Maddie reached out to squeeze her arm, drawing Abby out of her thoughts. "I'd like to see him happy again... He was my best friend's dad and I guess I just want the best for him. I'm sure if Kelly and Shannon could have one wish, it would be to see Jethro happy again in his life."

"I like to think so too, Maddie," Abby murmured softly.

"I hope it works out, Abby... for you both."

Abby's throat tightened and she had to clear it before speaking. "Me too, Maddie... me too."

TBC...


	10. Chapter 10: Shared Memories

**Price of the Past**

A/N: I'm away at the moment with a very dodgy internet signal so will upload when I can, but I might not have a strong enough signal to reply properly to reviews. Will do so if I can but just to say I appreciate each and every one, just in case I can't get online when I need to.

* * *

**Chapter ****10 – Shared Memories**

Dinner was a relaxed affair for all of them.

Maddie seemed more at ease and Gibbs suspected it might be partly to do with Abby being so welcoming and accepting of the younger woman; not something he could imagine all his wives doing so easily... and he startled himself a little mentally by already thinking of Abby like that.

In his head and heart, she was already a wife in all but name, and that both gave him a sense of hope for the future he hadn't had in a long time and scared the crap out of him.

Abby's warm talkative nature also eased any awkward silences, as she promised she would try to, and as the evening wore on, Maddie's confidence seemed to grow.

In response to questions from Abby, Maddie began sharing stories of her childhood and that inevitably included Kelly. Some stories were familiar to Gibbs but others were new. Some he contributed to, sharing snippets that Abby had never heard before but generally he was content to let Maddie and Abby do most of the talking.

As much as Gibbs found it a strain thinking and talking about his girls for almost all the evening, he nevertheless soaked it all up... smiling over antics he'd not heard about before because they happened when he was deployed, and reliving other memories which were still as fresh and raw in his mind as the day they'd happened.

He'd almost given up a long time ago thinking he'd ever see or hear anything new about his girls, so this was like food to a starving man.

Abby watched the two of them carefully, Gibbs in particular, and while she could see the strain, she also saw how attentively he listened and how absorbed he was in what Maddie was saying. She was also beyond grateful how Maddie seemed to be making a lot of the stories happy ones, and trying to relate some memories which were obviously new to Gibbs.

After dinner, they moved to the living room. Gibbs and Maddie following Abby, carrying the coffee while Abby put the bourbon bottle and glasses on the table.

Gibbs settled on the couch while Maddie took the armchair, curling her legs up underneath her and sipping her coffee. "I've been dying to ask you, Abby. I love that tat... the spider."

Abby grinned. "It's cool, isn't it?"

"One of my favourites," Gibbs offered and Abby smiled at him.

"One of...? How many have you got? I can see the smaller ones on your hands and wrists. Can I...?" asked Maddie.

"Sure." Abby knelt down by Maddie's chair, holding her hair to one side and Maddie peered closely at the spider web tattoo on her neck.

"Wow... that's so intricate. It's beautiful."

"That's not the most intricate one," Abby assured her. She turned her back, smiling over her shoulder. "Push up my T-shirt... go on."

Maddie chuckled, shaking her head as she complied and gasped when she saw part of the cross tattoo emerge, which took up most of Abby's lower back. "That is just... awesome. How far does it go? May I?"

"Go ahead," Abby urged her as Maddie pushed the T-shirt higher. "There's another flower further up and two more figures on my shoulder blades... when you get to the end of the cross, which I know is Gibbs' favourite." She looked over at him and he tilted his head in acknowledgement, his eyes warm.

Maddie did as she was bidden and smiled when she saw the other tattoos. "They are so cool. And I thought I was being daring when I thought about having a tat of a boyfriend's name. You leave me standing... or sitting."

"Did you get it done?" asked Abby, sitting up and pulling down the T-shirt.

Maddie laughed. "No, I chickened out in the end... which was a good job really coz we split up soon after and I'd have had a hard time going through life explaining to every boyfriend why I had George tattooed on my butt."

Abby snorted as she moved to the couch next to Gibbs. "I take your point... although you could've said George was a beloved cat."

Maddie pointed a finger at Abby. "I like the way you think."

Gibbs chuckled. "Don't encourage her."

"Actually, it's been a while since I had a new tat. Maybe I should get one on my butt..." Abby waggled her eyebrows at Gibbs. "Any suggestions?"

"A few," he conceded, a smile tugging at his mouth.

Gibbs moved to build up the fire and Maddie watched him for a moment, before asking, "Do you still cook steaks over the fire, Jethro?"

Gibbs glanced at her, a small smile tugging at his mouth. "Uh-huh. Tomorrow, if ya want?"

Maddie nodded. "That'd be great. I didn't like meat too much when I was a kid but I seem to have grown into a carnivore."

"Is cowboy steaks another long standing tradition then in the Gibbs' household?" asked Abby, reaching for her mug on the coffee table.

"My mom's recipe," Gibbs explained.

"I remember you cooking 'em in the winter... although I also remember Shannon saying the next day how it smelled like something had been cremated in here," Maddie smiled as Abby laughed.

"I'm not gonna say a word," Abby smirked into her mug, catching the eyeroll Gibbs sent her way as she stretched out along the couch. "Worth it though, best steaks ever... or is that the best cook?"

Gibbs grinned over his shoulder. "Could be."

"I remember Kelly toasting marshmallows, with your help," Maddie told him softly. "I can see her sitting there now with you on the rug in front of the fire. Kelly wielding the toasting fork while you kept an eye on her. You let me have a go too. It was such fun... although Kelly burned hers and I teased her about it for days... until I did the same."

Gibbs paused for a moment, feeling the wind knocked out of him, his throat tightening as the memory Maddie described rushed into his head in such vivid detail, he was unable to reply.

"Sorry," Maddie murmured, biting her lip as she saw his reaction. She glanced at Abby who shook her head, smiling reassuringly.

Gibbs cleared his throat, eventually finding his voice. "S'kay. I remember too. Kels loved marshmallows. You too."

Maddie nodded, smiling. "Yup... still do."

"Not sure if we've got any... although we might have the mini ones to go in hot chocolate," added Abby.

Gibbs stared into the fire for a moment longer before moving over to the couch, sitting down as Abby raised her legs to make room. He shot her a small smile as he sat down, pulling her feet down into his lap and rubbing her leg when he read the question in her eyes, trying to reassure her that he was okay, conscious of Maddie's gaze still on him.

Gibbs leaned forward and picked up the bottle and poured Abby a shot of bourbon. He looked over at Maddie. "Mads?"

Maddie nodded. "Please..."

"Mads?" Abby teased as she watched him pour. "Is there no name you can't shorten?" She dug him in the thigh with her foot and he batted at her leg.

Maddie laughed. "Oh, he did better than that. Used to call me Mad sometimes."

Gibbs grinned as he looked up at her. "Well, it fitted... still does."

"Hey... I resemble that remark," protested Maddie with a grin, as she leaned forward and took the glass from him. She glanced across at the TV in the corner. "That can't be the same TV you had though... can it?"

Gibbs shook his head, chuckling. "Nah."

Abby piped up. "It might even be older than that. Take a look on the back... it'll be engraved somewhere with, property of Noah, forward cabin, The Ark." She squealed as Gibbs grabbed her foot and tickled her and she squirmed. "No! Stop it, no, don't... stop... you'll spill my drink. _Giibbbss_."

Gibbs grabbed her feet, stilling her legs. "You two leave my TV alone."

Abby pulled her feet from his grasp and wriggled round until she was on her side, head pillowed on Gibbs' lap and facing Maddie. "Ignore him. It'll be better when my TV arrives."

"Not sure it'll fit," muttered Gibbs, smothering a grin, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"Presumably you've got cable and this one... erm, doesn't," asked Maddie, mouthing '_sorry_' at Gibbs.

Abby nodded. "Oh yeah... mine's got cable... though I'll have to get it transferred."

"But not the sports channels," Gibbs put in as he took a sip from his glass.

Abby rolled onto her back, staring up at him. "Typical man. No... not yet. But play your cards right and I might add them to the Abby package deal."

Gibbs tilted his head. "Fair enough."

Abby pouted, her eyes twinkling. "I think you only want me for my TV."

Gibbs smirked, tweaking her nose as she chuckled. "Busted."

"When are you moving in, Abby?" asked Maddie.

"Gonna move all my stuff in next week." Abby exchanged a smile with Gibbs and his hand came to rest on top of hers on her chest, entwining their fingers.

"That's great," exclaimed Maddie before pausing. "Hang on, were you two gonna sort that out this weekend... surely, you were gonna do some packing?"

Abby turned her head and held up her finger, stopping Maddie in mid flow. "Ah... don't wanna hear it if you're about to go into the, I'm ruining your weekend routine again... No, you are not, you hear me. We can pack me up next week... and don't call me Shirley."

Maddie giggled and Gibbs groaned, placing a hand over Abby's mouth as she laughed. He looked over at Maddie. "See what I have to put up with?"

"Sure do... Can I help?" offered Maddie tentatively. "That is... if you need any help?"

Abby gave her a wide smile. "Love some help... we could use all the muscle we can get."

Gibbs nodded, gazing down at Abby's profile thoughtfully, an idea forming in his head. Maddie's voice brought him out of his thoughts.

"I brought one of my photo albums with me. Do you want to see it now... or tomorrow?" Maddie offered.

Gibbs nodded. "I'd like to see it." He looked down at Abby. "Abby?"

Abby looked momentarily startled at being asked before smiling and nodding eagerly. "I'd like to, thank you."

"Great." Maddie scrambled off the chair and hurried upstairs. Abby gazed up at Gibbs, reaching up to brush her fingers along his jawline. "Thank you," she murmured and he turned his head to press a kiss to her fingertips.

When Maddie came downstairs, they made a space for her and Maddie sat down in the middle of Abby and Gibbs on the couch.

Maddie flicked through the album, explaining the stories behind the photographs and Gibbs contributed some memories. Abby soaked everything up eagerly. She loved photographs from anyone's life; they brought everything so much more to life. This was doubly special and she took in all the details she could of Shannon and Kelly.

She'd seen some photographs before, partly through online research she'd done on her own when she found out about Gibbs' first wife and child two years ago, and one day she'd accidentally seen the one he carried in his wallet.

So she cherished being able to see more shots of Shannon's warm beauty and Kelly's smiling face, and a much younger relaxed Gibbs. It was obvious what a happy family they were and her throat tightened at the unfairness of that life being taken away.

Abby glanced across Maddie to Gibbs, trying to gauge if he was still okay and he felt her gaze and looked up, nodding briefly.

"Oh, I'd forgotten this one," Maddie exclaimed as she turned a page. "Shannon took us to the beach one day. She made it seem like we were playing hookey from school even though we'd got a day off for a holiday anyway."

Gibbs ran his fingers over the photo. "Shan's favourite beach." It was also the beach where he'd burned her boat and nearly killed himself.

Maddie turned the page and there was one shot of Maddie and Kelly in amongst others of Maddie's family.

"What's that on Kelly's face." Abby peered closer. "Looks like a black eye... and you've got one too."

"Oh..." Maddie looked sheepish. "I'd forgotten about that one too. We, erm, got into a bit of a fight."

Gibbs frowned. "A _fight_."

Maddie flicked a glance his way, feeling the sudden tension radiating from him. "Yeah, erm... I had an argument with one of the other girls and it got a bit outta hand. Kelly, um, weighed in on my side."

"Were you hurt?"

Maddie shook her head. "No, Jethro... neither of us had anything other than a few scrapes and bruises. Kelly was quite proud of her black eye."

Gibbs smiled gently. "Yeah... she would be."

"Sounds like you were quite a tomboy, Maddie," Abby nudged her and Maddie blushed.

"I was a bit... but this time it was for a good reason. One of the kids in our class was bullying someone younger, but I was bigger than them so I, erm, decided to do something about it. I didn't like bullies then, any more than I do now. We both got into trouble though, me and Kelly... with the teachers," confessed Maddie.

"Why didn't I know any of that?" Gibbs pondered quietly, almost to himself.

Maddie bit her lip. "Er, well, that was while you were away... and not long before they..." she trailed off. "Sorry..."

Gibbs stared down at the photograph, not able to speak for a moment. Maddie felt Abby's hand on her arm, squeezing gently and she shot her a grateful smile.

When Gibbs didn't move after a few moments, Maddie asked tentatively. "Do you want to look at the rest tomorrow? I'm feeling a bit tired and I thought I might have an early night... catch up on some sleep."

Maddie didn't want it to be too much for Gibbs. They'd all shared a lot of memories tonight and it was leaving her with a feeling of melancholy to see her childhood friend and Shannon, so heaven knows what it must be doing to Gibbs. She was worried about throwing everything at him at once.

"Good idea. I'm feeling a bit tired myself," Abby put in.

Gibbs shook himself and forced a brief smile. "Yeah... that'd be good, Mads. Thanks."

"Okay... well, I'll leave you to it then." Maddie left the album on the table and stood up and made to pick up the mugs.

"I can do that." Gibbs told her and he gathered up the mugs and headed for the kitchen.

Abby stood to hug Maddie. "Sleep well."

Maddie hugged her back warmly. "Is he okay?" she murmured, with a nervous glance over her shoulder.

Abby nodded, whispering back. "He will be... don't worry." Maddie gazed at her for a moment and Abby smiled reassuringly.

"Okay... I'll say goodnight then." Maddie released Abby and turned towards the stairs, waiting for Gibbs to return from the kitchen.

He paused by her at the bottom of the stairs, taking her hand. "Night."

"G'night. Thank you for today... for everything this week really." Maddie started to turn away before stopping, "Jethro... I never told you this, but Kelly always used to say how her dad made her feel safe."

Abby winced inwardly as she saw Gibbs freeze at Maddie's words, and the younger woman hesitated before going on. "And I think I know what she meant now... especially now. So when I came to you at the Navy Yard... and then later when I saw you at the warehouse, I suddenly felt that it would be okay. I didn't know how it would be but I knew somehow that things would be alright... just coz you were there. So, thank you. You have a gift and you made me feel safe too," Maddie ended softly before reaching up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek and hug him.

Abby blinked back tears as she watched a whole range of emotions wash across Gibbs' face as he hugged Maddie back, meeting Abby's eyes across the room.

It was exactly how she felt.

No matter how bad the situation, the moment she saw Gibbs, it was as if a weight was lifted off her mind and shoulders and she loved that Maddie had expressed that to him, because Abby was sure that, half the time, Gibbs didn't realise it.

TBC...


	11. Chapter 11: Letting Go

**Price of the Past**

A/N: Many thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter. If I've missed replying to anyone directly, please accept apologies but I am in wifi hell at the moment and getting online is very hit and miss.

* * *

**Chapter ****11 – Letting Go**

When Abby emerged from the bathroom, Gibbs was perched on the side of the bed, already dressed for bed in T-shirt and boxers. He was staring down at his hands and looked a million miles away.

As upset as she'd been with him, Abby couldn't deny the toll the last few days would have exacted on this intensely private man whose walls were taking an emotional battering.

After Maddie went to bed earlier, Gibbs had been quiet and preoccupied.

She'd half expected him to retreat to the basement but instead, he settled onto the couch and tugged her into his side, freeing her pigtails so he could run his fingers through her hair. She'd bitten back questions about how he was feeling with difficulty, contenting herself with snuggling into him until she suggested an early night before she fell asleep where she lay, and he'd readily accepted.

And now, she hesitantly approached the bed, mustering up a small smile as Gibbs looked up and held out a hand to pull her closer. Abby stood between his legs and rested her hands on his shoulders as Gibbs leaned forward and slid his own arms round her hips, resting his head against her chest.

He sighed as he absorbed the feel of her soft warmth, needing this physical contact more than he cared to admit.

Abby stroked her fingers gently through the longer strands of his hair, dropping a gentle kiss on top of his head, and waited him out... relieved he was reaching out to her.

"Didn't make her safe, did I? Didn't make my little girl safe..." His voice choked on the last word and he drew in a ragged breath, his arms tightening round Abby.

Abby had been worried he'd be badly affected by Maddie's words. She wasn't sure how she could even begin to make him feel better about something he'd no doubt tormented himself with for over a decade.

"You weren't there then. You _were_ for Maddie. You've probably heard that first bit enough times... you may even have said it to yourself." She bent her head and murmured against his hair. "One of these days, I hope you're gonna believe it."

Gibbs' throat tightened and he found himself unable to reply.

But it was true. He knew that, deep down and he'd even said almost the same thing to Ducky the other day.

But what Maddie had said earlier on had hit him particularly hard. She'd looked at him so trustingly when all he'd felt up to now was remorse over what the young woman had experienced... a guilt that was never far from the surface anyway for not being here all those years ago to help his girls when they needed him the most.

"I'm sure Maddie didn't mean to upset you," Abby continued.

Gibbs nodded against her chest. "I know... she meant well."

"And she's right, y'know. You do have a gift for making people feel safe... you make me feel safe. You always have."

Abby wrapped her arms round him as tightly as she could, aching for him and wishing she could take away all his pain. She could feel the tension in his neck and shoulders, his deep uneven breathing as he tried to calm himself, holding onto her like she was a lifebelt.

It was several minutes before his grip on her loosened and he raised his head to meet her gaze, and her breath caught in her throat at the raw emotion in his eyes.

"Thanks... for what you did for Maddie today."

Abby shrugged. "What else would I do? She's had a really rough time."

"She was surprised earlier, that you were so welcoming," Gibbs admitted. "Told her that's just you..."

"Well, I'm hardly gonna take it out on Maddie, am I?" Abby pointed out.

"No, you're not."

Abby smoothed a hand across his brow, brushing the strands of hair away. "She's a great kid... I'm really glad I've met her and that she's back in touch with you."

"It's like seeing Kelly as she mighta been," Gibbs admitted softly.

"Which I know can't be easy," she cupped his face, "but hopefully you'll remember the good that comes out of this."

Gibbs nodded slowly. "I know... Missed so much, seeing Kels grow up."

Simple things like watching her graduate, getting a job, buying her first car, starting her own family... all gone.

Drawing in a shaky breath, Gibbs dropped his head again and leaned into Abby, pressing his face to her soft warmth, letting her scent ground him.

Abby waited for a few minutes, running her hands gently over his shoulders and cradling his head as she blinked back her own tears. She could also see and understand now how much Kelly had missed too... with Gibbs as a father and could only imagine the girl's melancholy as Kelly gazed down at her dad now.

Abby had been very close to her own father and had so many happy memories of what they'd shared before he died. There were things now that she wished he'd been able to experience with her... especially now, seeing his daughter finally happy with a man she loved so completely.

When she could trust her voice again, Abby murmured against his hair, "And now you need sleep as much as I do. You gonna let me give those shoulders a massage? They're like iron."

Gibbs considered for a moment before nodding against her chest. He released her, giving her a small smile and stood as she stepped back. Gibbs pulled the bedcovers down before pulling off his T-shirt off and made to move onto the bed, only to be stopped by Abby's outstretched hand.

"Wait... let me put something on that bruise too, Gibbs." Abby eyed the darkened bruise on the centre of his chest, stroking her fingers lightly over the skin.

"It's okay, Abbs."

"I know... but this will make it heal faster... Hold it right there." Abby scurried into the bathroom and when she came back, carrying towels, Gibbs had moved onto the bed to lie on his back. He smiled fondly as he watched her unscrewing the cap of the arnica gel and dropping onto the bed beside him.

Abby studied him for a moment before leaning in and dropping a soft kiss on the bruise, her lips barely brushing his skin.

He stroked her hair, cradling her head to his chest. "That's nicer than the gel."

She smiled softly at him as she raised her head. "But maybe not as medicinal."

Gibbs shook his head, stroking her cheek with his knuckles. "I'd argue with that one too."

Abby pressed another kiss on his chest before sitting up and dabbing a little gel over the bruise, rubbing it into the skin gently. When she was done, she grabbed the towels and spread them out on the bed next to him. "C'mon... turn over and I'll do your shoulders."

Abby dropped the gel onto her bedside table and picked up the massage oil, which seemed to live there, given the frequent use it got in bed. When she turned back, Gibbs had rolled over onto the towels and had his arms wrapped round a pillow to raise him up slightly.

Pausing at seeing the length of his hard body stretched out like that on their bed, she was hit with such a surge of tenderness and love for the man that she had to stop for a moment lest it overwhelm her.

Abby crawled onto the bed and straddled his hips, gazing down for a moment at the long line of his back, the muscles moving under the skin as he shifted into a more comfortable position.

She poured oil into her palms and rubbed them together to warm it before smoothing her hands gently along his spine and up to his shoulders, feeling the rigid tension in the muscles.

Working her way slowly over his back and shoulders and onto his arms, she sought out every knot, massaging them away, feeling each muscle begin to loosen beneath her fingers.

Loving the warmth of his skin under her hands, she alternated between rubbing each muscle band firmly to deal with the tension and gentle sweeping strokes designed to soothe. She paused at every blemish and scar, pressing a soft kiss to each one.

Gibbs grunted as a particularly stubborn knot popped under her skilful fingers. "Feels good. Might fall asleep on ya though."

Abby giggled softly. "And that's kinda the point. I'll give myself an attagirl if you do." Gibbs snorted, capturing her hand as it moved along his shoulders and giving it a gentle squeeze.

Abby felt him start to relax underneath her as she patiently worked her way over his skin. Gibbs fell quiet again, except for the occasional grunt or moan of appreciation and she could see his profile and the slight smile on his face.

Abby rubbed her hands on the towel to wipe off the excess oil and flexed her fingers to ease the slight cramping before concentrating on his neck. He gave a soft moan as she circled her thumbs up the line of his neck and into his hair, massaging his scalp, her fingers moving slowly through the soft strands.

Gibbs hummed in appreciation, content to relax into her touch, absorbing the caring tenderness behind every action. All day she'd shown Maddie nothing but kindness, and had put aside their own argument and the issues still unresolved with their relationship, and hadn't let the fact that she was mad at him affect anything else.

There were only two women in his life who'd put themselves so much in the back seat like that and put others first... his mom and Shannon.

Suddenly, the strain of recent days, the scare of nearly losing Maddie, the strong emotions brought up by all the memories of his girls, and the intense love he felt for Abby came rushing in at once and threatened to overwhelm him.

As she moved back onto his shoulders, Abby felt the sudden return of the tension in his body and saw Gibbs turn his head into the pillow as if trying to muffle and hide what was happening.

Abby stopped her massage and leaned forward, hovering over him on all fours before lowering herself gently full length onto his back. She pressed a soft kiss to his neck as he trembled beneath her, drawing in shaky breaths as he sought to retain control. She nuzzled into his skin, sliding her hands down his arms to grip his hands which were clutching the sheets tightly.

Abby repeated his words of the night before when he'd held her as she'd lost it, feeling a strong urge to protect him from anything and everything that could ever hurt him again.

"I've got you, Jethro... just let it go."

He shuddered again and she heard him draw in a ragged breath as he murmured her name. Gibbs concentrated on the feel of her soft body against his, the fierce grip she had on his hands and the sound of her voice as he tried to regain some equilibrium.

It took a few minutes, during which Abby just murmured his name over and over and pressed occasional kisses to his neck, but gradually she felt him relax beneath her and his hands released their death grip on the sheets. She slid her fingers between his and felt him squeeze gently as she listened to his deep breathing, her own unconsciously matching his rhythm until they were in sync.

After a few minutes of calming silence, eventually Gibbs shifted and his voice was gravelly. "Let me turn over, Abbs."

Abby raised herself on all fours again as Gibbs rolled over and she could see his eyes were damp. He gazed up at her face, stroking her cheek before sliding a hand round her neck to pull her down into a tender kiss, winding his hands in her hair as she relaxed against him.

"Love you, Abbs," he murmured against her mouth when they parted.

He didn't say those words lightly and had never said them to his other wives, which he knew always hurt them. For years, love had meant only Shannon and Kelly.

Until now.

It had taken him an equally long time to accept that loving someone else, loving Abby, wasn't a betrayal of Shannon... that it wasn't giving away a part of himself that he'd promised only to his girls.

Abby reached up to cup his face in her hands. "Love you too... so very much."

She pressed a light kiss against his mouth and pulled the towel out from under him with a little help and pulled the bedclothes up over them both before snuggling back down into his arms.

Drawing random patterns on his chest, Abby eventually broke the contented silence. "Thank you for sharing so much today, about your girls... and for not shutting me out."

"Said I'd try, Abbs." He cradled the back of her head, threading his fingers through her hair, enjoying the feel of her silk clad body against his side and couldn't resist asking again, hating that he needed the reassurance. "We gonna be okay?"

She pressed her face into his neck, kissing the skin softly. "Told you we will be..." She raised her head and gestured between them. "This is too important... too right, not to fight for."

Gibbs nodded. "It is... You still pissed at me?"

"Yeah... I am but there's a time and a place and while Maddie's here isn't really it." Abby dropped her gaze to his chest as she went on nervously. "I just... just hope you listened to me. Coz if it happens again and you go off lone wolf... I'm not saying it's a deal breaker but it's gonna be really hard to take." She paused for a moment as she tried to articulate her thoughts. "It would be like it didn't matter what I want out of this... partnership."

Gibbs absorbed her words for a moment before replying. "I get that. Said I'd try... can't promise I won't wanna protect you and the team from stuff in the future."

"Protecting us is a long way from being a dumb ass."

"Copy that." Gibbs cupped her face, tilting it so he could see her eyes. "Want this to work... more than anything. Shouldn't have shut you out."

He'd known it deep down at the time... that instead of shutting Abby out, he should have used Maddie entering his life again as an opportunity to share a part of his past that had collided with his present. If Maddie hadn't so quickly been in danger, Gibbs hoped he would have done just that, but he was honest enough with himself to admit he might not.

But if Abby had left him, he might as well have died down there in the river.

Abby examined his eyes and saw nothing but sincerity there... and she desperately wanted to believe his words. She'd seen signs in the past day that he was trying so hard.

Although with Maddie being here, the situation was different and it was almost making Gibbs feel _obliged _to share some things which might have taken years to come out with just the two of them.

They still had to get through the future months, and years she hoped, and she had no illusions that there'd be difficulties everywhere. He wasn't going to turn into sharing Gibbs all of a sudden.

"Let's put it behind us... please," Abby breathed into his skin. "I'm not saying I'm not gonna kick your ass if you do it again, but I don't wanna dwell on it all the time, keep raking stuff over. Let's get through this if we can."

His obviously real fear that she was going to leave him had stunned her. This vulnerable, self-doubting side of this supremely self-assured man was a new one on her and she could only wonder what had happened in his personal life to knock his confidence so badly.

She'd heard Gibbs being self-deprecating and blithely calling himself a bastard before when he referred to his past marriages, but Abby was more than ever convinced now that was almost a defence mechanism... a way of blaming himself for the failures of those relationships and a way of deflecting attention because it had all been too painful.

Because Gibbs couldn't have been solely to blame, could he?

Surely, it wasn't that simple?

The overwhelming emotion Abby was feeling right now was anger at all of the women who'd ever hurt this man and made him close himself off so effectively, leaving her task of trying to reach him that much more difficult.

True, he wasn't easy to live with.

She'd never met a more stubborn, wilful, guarded man in her life but the effort to make this relationship work was going to be worth it... if it was the last damn thing she did.

TBC...


	12. Chapter 12: Fading With Time

**Price of the Past**

**Chapter ****12 – Fading With Time**

"NO!... DON'T!"

By the time Abby had jolted fully awake from the noise of the loud cry echoing through the house, Gibbs was already out of bed and heading for the door, his reflexes much faster than hers. Abby rolled over, struggling to get the fog of sleep out of her brain and free herself from the bedclothes before following Gibbs out of the bedroom.

She found Gibbs standing on the landing, hesitating with a hand raised as he made to knock on the guestroom door. He glanced at Abby before calling through the door. "Maddie... you okay?"

The sound of a gasping sob was all they could hear in reply and Abby exchanged a worried glance with Gibbs before moving closer to the door. "Maddie... it's Abby and Gibbs is here too. Can I come in?"

"Abby..."

There was nothing further than the choked off sound of Abby's name and Abby pushed open the door. Gibbs stayed in the doorway as Abby moved inside, unsure whether to enter. His natural reaction when responding to one of Kelly's infrequent nightmares had been to rush straight in but this was different...

The light from the landing spilled into the room to reveal Maddie sat up in bed, her arms round her legs as she hunched over, her shoulders heaving, her hair hiding her face.

Abby hurried round to Maddie and slid onto her side of the bed, wrapping her arms round the younger woman. Maddie jumped slightly but turned readily enough and leaned into Abby, burying her head in her shoulder as she cried.

"It's okay, Maddie... I've got you... you're safe now. Gibbs is here... he's not gonna let anything happen to you." Abby murmured words of reassurance over and over as she rocked Maddie gently, beckoning Gibbs closer and he moved cautiously into the room to stand by the side of the bed.

Abby met Gibbs' gaze, feeling a surge of protectiveness and concern for Maddie as she felt the younger woman's body trembling with reaction.

The poor kid had been stalked, intimidated, scared witless, kidnapped at gunpoint, her apartment trashed, threatened with God knows what, shot at and finally, been nearly half drowned.

Not exactly a recipe for a peaceful night's sleep.

Madde had seemed to be coping remarkably well all today... perhaps too well and had seemed, if not recovered from her ordeal, more settled than Abby had expected.

Gibbs edged nearer to stand by the side of the bed and placed one hand on Abby's back and the other on Maddie's, rubbing gently. He found himself fighting his own memories of being in this position with Shannon and Kelly, and the sudden vivid mental image of Shannon holding a frightened Kelly while he held them both brought an intense rush of emotion which he fought back down, trying to concentrate on what Maddie needed.

After a few minutes, her sobs quietened and Maddie pulled back slowly from Abby's embrace.

"I'm sorry..." Maddie hiccoughed slightly as Abby brushed her hair off her face. Maddie glanced at Gibbs, reaching for his hand. "I didn't mean to wake you."

Gibbs squeezed her hand. "S'kay. Good job you woke up."

"Yeah," Maddie agreed shakily, sniffing and smiling wanly as Abby rummaged on the bedside table and produced some tissues.

"Wanna tell us about it... that is, if you want to... might help get it out of your system," suggested Abby tentatively. "Was it... was it being in the river?"

Maddie shook her head as she released Gibbs' hand and wiped her eyes and blew her nose. "No... it was an action replay in vivid technicolor of those guys bursting into my apartment. I struggled... but couldn't get away...again." Abby shuffled nearer again and wrapped an arm round Maddie's shoulders as the younger woman went on, sounding almost defeated. "Will I ever be able to feel safe there again?"

"I'm sure it'll fade with time," Abby told her softly.

"And if it doesn't, we'll help you find a new place," Gibbs promised and Maddie turned to him, taking his hand again as he sat next to her on the bed.

"Thanks... I'm so glad I'm here... and not back there tonight," Maddie confessed. "I'm not sure I'd have slept at all.

"We wouldn't have let you be alone," Abby reassured her.

"Although I gotta get used to it, I guess." Maddie bit her lip and Abby hugged her again, meeting Gibbs' eyes over the top of the younger girl's head, seeing his concern.

They sat with Maddie a while longer until she reassured them she'd be okay and that she'd call if she woke up again, before returning to their bedroom. Gibbs climbed under the covers and spooned behind Abby, sliding an arm round her waist and kissing the back of her neck.

"Well, we kinda expected it, didn't we, after what Tony said?" Abby eventually spoke into the silence.

Gibbs sighed. "Yeah... it's not a pattern she wants to get into though. Hard to get out of."

"Not gonna be easy to go back to her apartment either... maybe I should ask if she wants me or you or both of us to stay the first night she goes back, or if she has a friend who can stay over for a night or two?" suggested Abby, resting her hand on his arm, feeling the tension that vibrated through him again.

"Could do... Wanna help her any way we can."

Abby turned her head to give him a quick kiss. "C'mon... let's try to get back to sleep ourselves, huh?"

* * *

Abby was singing along softly to the radio when Gibbs joined her in the kitchen next morning. As always, the first she knew of his presence was a sudden warmth at her back before arms wrapped round her waist and a mouth descended on her neck.

She chuckled and leaned back into him. "I was making breakfast but if you'd prefer a nibble of neck, go right ahead."

He nuzzled into her skin. "You taste better than cereal, that's for sure."

"Glad to hear it."

He tugged on the sweatshirt Abby was wearing... which was his, and swamped her slender frame. "Wondered where this had gone."

Abby grinned, unrepentant as he released her and moved to stand next to her at the counter. "You know I love to wear this red hoodie of yours." She turned to look at him, eyes running over his body before reaching out and grabbing a handful of his black USMC sweatshirt. "Although if I'd known you were wearing this one..."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Get your own."

"Ah, but yours smell like you... and you smell so damn good." She leaned in and slid her arms round his waist, pressing her face into his neck and he chuckled and hugged her close as she breathed in deeply. They stood like that, absorbing each others' presence until Abby broke the comfortable silence. "Is Maddie up yet?"

"Think so. Could hear the shower running as I came down. Hope she slept again... she needs it."

Abby nodded. "She sure does."

They'd gotten back to sleep again last night eventually, both too tired to fight the need for rest and hoping that Maddie was doing the same.

Gibbs rested his cheek against her hair. "I need to pick up some supplies to fix Maddie's door... thought I'd ask if she wanted to come see _Kelly's _hull at the marina."

Abby leaned back and smiled up at him. "That's a terrific idea. I'm sure she'd love to and it will help keep her mind off other... _things_. I know we can't do what we said we were gonna do at my apartment this weekend, like we can't pack the bulk of my things up but there's some stuff I can sort out by myself, plus I can see my landlord one final time... make sure the guy doesn't forget my security deposit."

Gibbs nodded, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Okay... said I'd help though."

He'd wanted to be there every step of the way anyway, to cement in his mind she was finally going to move in and also to enjoy it with her, and especially so after their fight. But he knew this weekend they needed to be there for Maddie and if it meant Abby didn't move in completely next weekend but the weekend after, then so be it.

"And you will be able to help. Trust me, your list is getting longer by the minute... and you know how excited I am about moving in." Her smile could have lit up D.C. and he couldn't help smiling back as she went on. "But I'd feel happier knowing you were with Maddie this weekend, and so would you, right?"

"Yeah... almost feel like I don't wanna let her outta my sight," he confessed somewhat awkwardly but Abby nodded in understanding.

"Well, there you go then, and we can have dinner together later back here. Besides, it'll do you two good to have some time alone..." She held up her hand as Gibbs made to speak. "I know... and believe me, I want to spend time with you both and I love learning about her life, but she has memories of just you, Gibbs... and I'm sure she wants to get to know that guy again. It's only fair... and I really don't mind... and some time to myself wouldn't come amiss either."

She'd had no time really to process everything that had happened since their fight, the efforts he'd made, the day with Maddie, and would welcome some alone time all to herself.

Gibbs stared at her for a moment in silence before cupping her face, leaning in to brush a soft lingering, teasing kiss on her mouth, murmuring his thanks against her lips.

A wide smile spread across her face as he drew back. "And if I get a kiss like that every time, I'll suggest it more often."

Maddie's footsteps on the stairs forestalled any further conversation and Abby turned to smile at the younger woman, who entered the kitchen looking a little nervous as she greeted them both.

Gibbs poured them all coffee and placed a mug in front of Maddie as she sat at the dining table, placing a hand on her shoulder and squeezing gently. "Did ya get back to sleep?"

"Yes, I did, thanks, and no more nightmares... I'm really sorry I..." Maddie began but a voice from the kitchen cut her off.

"Don't wanna hear it, Mads, you got it?"

Gibbs smirked, glancing down at Maddie. "Wouldn't argue with her."

Maddie smiled. "No... I'm getting that."

Abby appeared from the kitchen and hurried over to hug Maddie from behind and the younger woman put her coffee down hurriedly as she was rocked forward with the force of the hug, laughing as she grabbed Abby's arms.

"Don't you dare apologize... apart from the fact it breaks Rule 6, it can't be helped, 'kay?" Abby told her firmly as she released Maddie and stood up. "Hell... I had nightmares for months after my crazy ass stalker boyfriend."

Maddie twisted round to peer up at Abby. "You did?"

"You did?" echoed Gibbs, and Abby shot him a look which he couldn't decipher as she straightened up.

"Yup, I did... but they went away again, eventually." Abby switched her gaze to Maddie. "So you gotta focus on that, focus on the good to come."

"I'll try, Abby. Erm... what crazy ass stalker boyfriend?" asked Maddie curiously.

Abby grimaced, holding up a finger. "A story for another time."

Abby could have kicked herself for her big mouth running away with her, again. Her nightmares after Mikel Mawr had gone on for months after he was safely in custody but she suspected she knew the real reason they lingered for so long.

Her rock in life was gone.

Gibbs had been in Mexico trying to rediscover who he was after losing his memory. But she'd never confessed any of that to Gibbs and cursed herself now that she'd blurted it out without thinking.

Abby felt his gaze on her back as she returned to the kitchen, figuring she hadn't heard the last of it.

TBC...


	13. Chapter 13: Filling in the Gaps

**Price of the Past**

A/N: Many thanks for all the reviews - apologies if I haven't responded individually but my internet connection sucks at the moment as I'm away.

* * *

**Chapter 13 – Filling in the Gaps**

They ate breakfast together and while Maddie was a little subdued, she perked up when Gibbs suggested a trip to the marina, her enthusiasm obvious for seeing the hull of _The Kelly_.

After Gibbs left for the hardware store, agreeing to pick Maddie up later, she insisted on helping Abby clear up after breakfast. Abby dried while Maddie washed and they chatted about their respective moms for a while. Abby glanced at Maddie, hesitating before broaching a subject that had been on her mind for a while.

"Can I ask you something, Maddie?"

"Sure... I've been asking you enough questions so it's only fair."

"What was Shannon like?" asked Abby. "I know she was the love of his life."

Maddie smiled, her gaze distant as she reminisced. "I remember them being... really happy. I mean..." she glanced nervously at Abby as she realized what she'd said.

Abby waved her hand. "It's okay... I know how good she was for him and he wouldn't have married anyone else had she lived... I'm under no illusion he'd have even looked twice at me. That's cool. Any woman would be lucky to be loved by him... I know I am."

She remembered how lonely she'd been before they'd gotten together, how she'd spent years never thinking she'd ever be able to have him and trying to lose herself in relationships which never worked.

Whatever difficulties they went through now, nothing could take away her joy that she was finally here... and that Gibbs was hers.

"But what was Shannon like as a person? I don't feel comfortable asking Gibbs about her... not yet," Abby explained. "And I'm not being nosy... Well, okay, I guess I am being a bit nosy but you see, I've never met anyone before who also knew Shannon, never mind Kelly."

Maddie nodded her understanding, pausing while she ordered her thoughts. "Remember I was just a kid at the time so my memory's not complete and I'm biased as she was my best friend's mom... but okay, let's see. She was warm and really kind, and funny... used to make me laugh... and she listened, y'know, made time for you even if you were just a kid. I don't wanna make her sound like a saint coz she wasn't... she had a fiery temper and you knew all about it if she was in a bad mood or when she told you off."

"Which you two girls never needed of course," Abby teased with a grin.

Maddie smiled. "Of course not, we were total angels."

Abby peered at her face. "Watch that nose there, Pinocchio, it's getting longer by the minute"

Maddie giggled, flicking suds at Abby. "I'm sure we were as angelic and well behaved as you were when you were a kid."

Abby tilted her head before grinning mischievously. "Point."

"My mom was a lot older than Shannon so it felt sometimes like Shannon was an older sister. Mom had two jobs for a while, to help pay the bills so I used to come here after school until she finished work... ate a lot of my meals here during school time." Maddie turned from the sink and dried her hands, gesturing into the other room. "Used to do my homework sitting at that table next to Kelly."

"Who looked after you after... y'know, after they died?" asked Abby curiously.

Maddie gave her a wistful smile. "A few of the other moms helped for a while as they knew how close I was to Kelly, so I think they felt sorry for me and mom when she couldn't afford to pay for childcare straight away... so I sort of went round different houses after school but it wasn't the same." Maddie trailed off.

"Must've been difficult adapting to a big change like that."

"And then we moved away from D.C. a few months after that." Maddie sighed heavily. "Took me a long time to get over my best friend not being there every day any more... and I missed talking to Shannon."

Abby squeezed her shoulder, unsure what to say.

Maddie went on. "I sometimes wonder what would have happened if they hadn't died... whether we'd still have been friends today. What Kelly would have done with her life... what Shannon would have been like now, or even if they'd have had more kids. He hasn't had any other kids, has he?"

"No... no more kids." It wasn't something she'd ever discussed with Gibbs either... it was another minefield no one went near.

"I went to the funeral, y'know... I don't know if Jethro's ever mentioned it," asked Maddie.

Abby shook her head. "He's never mentioned their funeral at all, no surprise there... and it's not something I feel I can ask him. I... I, er, don't even know where they're buried."

"Oh, they're at the cemetery here in Alexandria. I was gonna go see them too one day... now I'm back, if Jethro's okay with that?" Maddie looked suddenly hesitant.

"Ask him," Abby encouraged her. "I can't believe he'd object to you going there."

"I remember the funeral but I was too young to understand too much of what Jethro was going through, I guess. I remember he just looked..." Maddie struggled for words for a moment. "He looked lost, which I guess he was... and he was still injured of course, still on crutches."

"Was he?"

"Yeah, and that somehow made it worse... I don't know why but it did. Worst day of my life... along with burying my dad." Maddie was silent for a spell before eventually asking. "You lost your dad too, didn't you, Abby?"

"I did... long time ago now and I still miss him every day." Abby hesitated before going on. "Did you know what had happened... at the time, I mean. What Shannon had seen... and why they died?"

Maddie nodded. "Sort of... I guess they tried to keep the details from me, as I was so young... so all my mom said was that Shannon had seen someone killed and had to be a witness, and she and Kelly had to go away for a while. For an eight year old, that was a pretty big deal... I remember being so upset I couldn't see Kelly for a while... which was kinda selfish of me, thinking of myself instead of them, but I was so young... and then I heard..." Maddie broke off, swallowing hard.

"I'm sorry, Maddie... I shouldn't have asked." Abby bit her lip as she saw the pain on the younger woman's face.

"No, it's okay," Maddie shook her head. "In a way, it's good to talk about them. I'm sure mom got sick of me doing it... and when we moved, of course no one knew who Kelly was and what she meant to me. So this has all brought it up again but in a good way... if that makes any sense?"

Abby nodded. "It does."

Maddie sighed. "Anyway, all I knew when it first happened, when they first went away, was they'd be away for a while and then the next thing I knew they were both dead. And all mom would say was they'd been in a car accident and I never really knew till later that it was connected with what Shannon had seen."

"Must've been hard for your mom to know what to say," Abby commented.

Maddie nodded. "Yeah... but I didn't understand that at the time. I remember that I'd sometimes walk into a room and there'd be whispered conversations that would stop suddenly. It wasn't until much later, when I looked it up for myself that I realised what had happened... and also when I got older, I realised what Shannon had done, how brave she was... how much she'd risked."

"I wonder if she's regretting that now, as she looks down..." Abby trailed off.

"Kinda hard not to, I reckon."

Abby paused for a while before revealing softly. "If I had one wish, y'know, apart from wanting my mom and dad to still be alive, I'd want to go back in time and stop Shannon going out the door that day she saw that guy being killed."

"I've often wished that too."

"If only, huh?... C'mon, let's sit down until Gibbs gets back," Abby urged, leading the way into the living room where Maddie curled up in what had become her regular spot, the armchair.

Maddie hesitated for a moment, waiting till Abby sat down before continuing. "There's something else I wanted to ask... Sorry, I seem to be doing nothing but ask questions."

Abby smiled reassuringly. "No surprise there... you've got a lot to catch up on. So, shoot."

As much as she might be helping Maddie understand the man Gibbs was now, the young woman was also allowing Abby to see what he'd been like before, adding another layer to her understanding of how the loss of his family had affected him.

It was one thing to work it through in her head but to have Maddie confirm it with real life memories of both Gibbs and the house, somehow made it all seem more real... and so much more daunting.

"Do you know if Kelly's room is still the same?" Maddie asked in a rush. "I mean, I know the door's shut and I could be wrong but I get the feeling it might be the same... as the house is still sort of the same."

Abby inwardly winced. "I don't know, Maddie. I've never been inside there... never plucked up courage to even ask about it. It's one of those minefields I don't feel able to blunder into yet... and maybe not ever. My gut says it might be the same... maybe coz he can't find it in him to clear it out."

"I can see how he might have left it," said Maddie thoughtfully. "I mean I know I said the house is the same, a house of memories but a lot of what I remember as Shannon's things are gone... or at least not still out. Boxed up I guess."

"Well, I can't see his exes tolerating personal stuff out from his first wife, can you?" commented Abby wryly.

"No... it would be asking a lot. So did he box Kelly's stuff up too or did he keep it like a shrine?" wondered Maddie. "I mean, nearly fifteen years is a long time to keep things the same."

"I wish I could answer that for you, Maddie, really I do. I don't know what his other wives made him do with it... if anyone could make Gibbs do anything, but even they would have hesitated, surely, at putting their foot down about his daughter and her belongings, surely?" Abby pointed out.

"I spent so much time in there, in Kelly's room... we used to have so much fun. I just wondered if..." Maddie trailed off.

"You might be able to see it again," Abby finished for her.

Maddie nodded. "Yeah... but is it gonna be too much for Jethro? I don't know what to do."

The short answer to Maddie's question, Abby suspected, was yes, it might well be too painful for Gibbs.

But she could also understand Maddie's puzzlement... that although it had been a long time since his girls had died, his pain still seemed so fresh in so many ways. Maddie seemed to view the memories as something to share and revisit – almost the opposite of how Gibbs had handled his grief through the years.

But, of course, there was one thing Maddie didn't know... how could she?

Abby drew in a deep breath, leaning forward to rest her arms on her knees. "Well... it might be too much for him, you're right but there's something else that happened a while back that might not be helping him move on either. You see... oh, barely eighteen months ago, Gibbs was injured in an explosion... he was in a coma and when he came out of it, he'd lost his memory."

"Oh God," Maddie exclaimed, staring at Abby. "That's awful... is he okay now? You must have been so worried about him."

"Yeah... I was frantic," Abby replied softly, her mind far off in those awful days. "But he's fine now I think. But the main problem was that when he came round from the coma, his head was still back in 1991... he'd forgotten everything after that." Abby watched Maddie's eyes widen as she made the connection. "Yeah... you got it. It meant he had to grieve for his girls all over again. He thought he'd just lost them. He got his memory back... slowly."

Maddie shook her head, looking striken. "Poor Jethro... I can't even imagine how horrible that must have been."

"He was... not the same man for a while, not the one we all remembered."

Which was an understatement.

Abby could still remember the pain of missing him so much while he was in Mexico with Mike, and also the sadness when Gibbs came back when she realised just how broken he was. It had put her hurt at being kept in the dark about Shannon and Kelly into perspective and any resentment had drained away when she'd seen how raw his grief was.

"That's terrible... I had no idea," Maddie went on quietly. "But it explains a lot... about both him and the house. Thank you for telling me."

Abby bit her lip. "Don't tell him I said anything, will ya? He rarely talks about it."

"Of course not."

"But I figure there's some things you need to know, to help you understand the guy. But, you asked about Kelly's room... why don't you ask him if you can go in?" suggested Abby softly.

Maddie shot her a nervous glance. "I'm not sure... Would he mind? I mean, would he mind me even asking him..."

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind you of all people asking him about it," Abby began. "Whether he'll be okay with anyone going in there... well, I can't answer that one either but if he lets anyone in, it might well be you. Do you, er... d'ya want me to ask him for you?"

Maddie stared at her. "Erm... I'm tempted to say yes but it's not fair to put you in the middle, Abby. Maybe if I ask him later and see what he says."

Even as she'd impulsively offered, Abby wondered if it might be one step too far... whoever asked him.

TBC...


	14. Chapter 14: Feeling Lighter

**Price of the Past**

**Chapter 14 – ****Feeling Lighter**

Driving back from the marina later that afternoon, Maddie chatted happily about _The Kelly_ as they headed home. Gibbs looked over at Maddie in the passenger seat of his truck, suppressing a smile at her enthusiasm.

Maddie had been thrilled to see the hull of his boat. She'd only seen a partially completed hull on the boat he'd been working on all those years ago. Maddie had asked a stream of questions as he worked on the few jobs he was tackling today on _The Kelly _and had listened eagerly as he explained what still needed to be finished.

Maddie had been a little subdued this morning and on the drive to the marina, but seeing the boat had seemed to lift her mood, and her excitement had lifted his along with it. It had felt surprisingly good to share it all with Maddie, to see his boat almost with fresh eyes.

It had also taken him a while to pin down his frame of mind but eventually he'd admitted, somewhat to his surprise, he felt lighter than expected today, as if his mini meltdown last night had been more cathartic than he realized.

It was the first time he'd leaned on Abby in that way... had allowed himself to be vulnerable and share an emotional burden with her. It wasn't a role that sat comfortably with him; his instinct always being to protect, but it had been easier than he'd expected... maybe because she made it so.

It had been almost a relief to give himself over to Abby... and that was a feeling he hadn't experienced in a while, and it partly unsettled him.

And maybe, just maybe, talking about his girls was helping him... after years of trying to suppress the pain.

He'd thought mostly about how this weekend might help Maddie.

He hadn't appreciated how it might help him too.

So maybe something good could come out of this after all, as well as renewed contact with Kelly's best friend.

It would never be easy to talk about his girls. There had been moments over the past couple of days when he'd just frozen, feeling almost blindsided as he struggled to control his instinctive urge to retreat from the situation... physically and emotionally.

But both Maddie and Abby had been so delighted by even the small things he'd managed to share with them, that it had made the effort worthwhile.

"Did Abby help with the boat from the beginning... with both the hull and the cabin?" asked Maddie, pulling him from his thoughts.

Gibbs tilted his head as he considered. "Some, over the years. Not so much on the hull but she's helped with the cabin. Ask her later about taking a chunk out of the hull with a chisel."

Maddie stared at him, wide eyed. "No! You're totally messing with me."

Gibbs chuckled. "Am not."

"It was an accident, right? She didn't deliberately take a chisel to your boat."

All she got was a blue eyed twinkle and a half grin, and Maddie laughed.

"Now I _know_ you're messing with me. Okay... I'll ask her later," Maddie narrowed her eyes. "_If_ you tell me one day how you get the boats out of the basement. I didn't realise at the time when I was a kid... it just seemed like magic, but since then I realized how crazy it seems and it's puzzled me a lot over the years."

"Has it?" Gibbs raised an eyebrow.

Maddie chuckled. "I thought you'd say that and I suspect you're not gonna let me in on the secret, are you?" A thought struck her. "Does Abby know how you get them out? Maybe I can work on her instead... she might crack more easily than you."

Gibbs grinned. "She might... if she knew."

Maddie laughed. "Oh, rats... there goes my plan B." She was silent for a while, gazing out of the window before glancing across at Gibbs. "I really like Abby."

"Pretty sure that's mutual." Gibbs told her.

He also liked the young woman Maddie had become and it had been incredibly emotional to imagine how like her Kelly might have been. Being alike as kids didn't necessarily mean they'd be similar in personality or attitudes as adults, but this had been a rare glimpse of a possible future his daughter had been denied... and that thought had come close to overwhelming him more than once this weekend.

There weren't many people in his life now that he'd known back then, beyond fellow Marines in the Corps. But even those were mostly people who'd known Shannon more than they knew Kelly. Maddie had been the closest person to his precious daughter so she had a unique perspective and memories.

"I'm so pleased for you both. Abby's good for you... Kelly would love that you're together, I'm sure she would." When Gibbs stared forward through the windscreen for a long moment and didn't respond, Maddie stuttered to a halt and looked away, feeling embarrassed. "Sorry... it's none of my business."

Gibbs reached across for her hand, clearing his throat. "It's okay." He glanced over and forced a smile and saw Maddie relax slightly in response.

"Sorry... mom always says I'm a bit of a mother hen."

Gibbs chuckled as he squeezed her hand before releasing it. "No kidding." He was silent for a minute before looking over. "Hey." He waited till Maddie turned to face him and held her gaze. "You're right... Abby is good for me."

"I often thought about you, y'know," Maddie told him softly. "When I was older and we'd left D.C., I used to wonder how you were... whether you'd married again, if you were happy... you deserve to be happy."

Gibbs found himself unable to speak for the second time in as many minutes. He didn't know if either Tony or Abby had told Maddie how many times he'd been married since he'd lost Shannon, and by implication, whether Maddie realized now how much he sucked at relationships generally.

Eventually, he was able to reply. "Hope I've got it right this time."

"I guess coz Kelly isn't here, I partly wanted to see you again to see if you were okay... coz Kelly would have wanted me to do that, I reckon," Maddie told him quietly.

Her words startled him for a moment and touched him in equal measure... the thought that Maddie would want to look out for him, for Kelly's sake. It was another parallel to how he'd have wanted to take care of Kelly and how his daughter would no doubt have cared for him, had she lived.

And Gibbs had no doubt that Kelly and Shannon would want him to look out for Maddie in the same way, from now on.

They drove in silence for a while until they neared the house. Gibbs saw Maddie glance his way several times and waited her out, sensing she had something else she wanted to say. As they pulled into the driveway, they saw Abby's hearse parked in the road and Gibbs turned the engine off and turned to Maddie, as she sat staring at her hands.

"Something on your mind?"

Maddie jumped slightly, glancing at him nervously. "I wanted to ask you something, Jethro... but I'm not sure how."

She'd been thinking about Kelly's room on and off all day, since her talk with Abby this morning, but she didn't want to upset Gibbs or take the edge off what had been such an enjoyable day at the marina.

What Abby had shared with her this morning had filled in a lot of puzzling gaps in her understanding of Gibbs, but it also made what she was about to ask him so much harder... and his response that much more unpredictable.

Maddie just hoped Gibbs would understand why she wanted to ask about Kelly's room in the first place.

But it was also something Maddie wanted to ask him on his own. Despite Abby's offer, it wasn't fair to put her in the middle of what could be a difficult conversation.

"Straight out's usually best."

Maddie smiled as she remembered something. "Or, hit me with it, as you used to say."

Gibbs nodded, his half grin breaking out. "That too."

Maddie turned slightly in her seat to face him. "Okay then, here goes. And really, I don't expect an answer straight away and I'd totally understand if you got mad with me... or upset coz it's not an easy thing to ask."

"Maddie..."

"But I hope you realize why I'm asking what I'm asking and that I don't mean to upset you... or make you mad at me by asking...erm, what I'm asking."

"Maddie."

Maddie ground to a halt at his interruption, seeing the amusement lurking in his eyes. "Sorry... I'm rambling, aren't I?"

Gibbs snorted. "Ya think? If this is straight out, we'll be here all night if you go the long way round." He shook his head, still chuckling. "Two days in Abby's company and I'm surrounded..."

Maddie felt herself blushing. "Sorry... I get that way when I'm nervous."

Gibbs reached across for her hand again and squeezed gently before releasing it. "No need... not gonna get mad or upset, Mads, whatever it is. Just ask."

Maddie searched his eyes for a moment. "Okay then... Would it be alright sometime this weekend if I could see Kelly's room again... that is, if it's okay to go in there? I was hoping maybe you could show me?"

She was watching his expression carefully and saw a flash of something in his eyes she couldn't quite read before his face smoothed over into a blank mask.

It was a reaction she'd seen a few times over the past couple of days. It was like his face just froze momentarily before becoming unreadable, and she found it more than a little unsettling as it was impossible to work out what he was thinking or feeling.

Gibbs stared for a moment before averting his gaze, while he tried to get his thoughts and emotions under control, feeling like he'd been punched in the gut.

"I'm sorry... forget I asked. It was insensitive of me," Maddie backed off hurriedly and made to open the truck door, pausing when his hand gripped her arm and she trailed off.

Gibbs turned his head to meet her gaze and mustered up a small smile. "Let me think about it, 'kay? Give me time."

Maddie nodded, murmuring, "Of course. Thank you, and I'd understand if you can't show me... so don't worry if it's too much. It was just a thought I had. I'll, erm... I'll see you inside..." She smiled at him tentatively before opening the truck door and heading for the front door.

Gibbs watched her for a moment.

He should have seen this coming.

Maddie had spent a lot of time in Kelly's room and there must be a lot of happy memories associated with it, a lot of things she'd shared with Kelly... far more so probably than the rest of the house.

So it would be selfish of him not to let her go into Kelly's room.

But he wasn't sure he could go in there with her.

He didn't go in there regularly and it tended to be only on the worst days, their birthdays or at Christmas, or the anniversary of their deaths. It was a room filled with so many painful memories that it had become more and more difficult to even step over the threshold.

Along with the basement, his daughter's bedroom had seen some of his darkest moments. He'd end up sitting, usually on the floor, bottle in hand, drinking himself into oblivion so that he wouldn't be able to _feel_ anything anymore.

So from being the happiest room in the house, filled with his daughter's laughter and so many wonderful memories, it had become associated with the worst of his pain.

It had become a room he couldn't face.

The bedroom itself was virtually the same as it had been when Kelly was alive. He'd put some of her things away but hadn't been able to face boxing up everything else in the same way he'd managed to put most of Shannon's belongings up in the attic, as he thought he should do when he remarried.

And at various points during his marriages, he'd kept the door to Kelly's room locked... usually when things were going pear-shaped in the relationships and he became worried that his current wife's anger at him would manifest itself against such a visible reminder of his inability to move on.

His wives had initially accepted the room as a no man's land, not to be set foot in and had respected his unspoken wish.

Even Diane had been understanding and played along at first, but he eventually realized that she'd been hoping he'd agree to clear the room and redecorate it, perhaps in anticipation of their own kids.

When she'd introduced the subject with her usual tact, he'd given her an icy glare which had given even Diane pause. She'd never mentioned it again, but it was one more piece of ammunition for her in a relationship already going downhill fast.

Gibbs shook himself out of his thoughts and got out of the truck to pick up his purchases from the back of the truck before following Maddie into the house. There were a couple of suitcases in the hallway but no sign of Abby downstairs. Gibbs was conscious of Maddie's eyes on him as she divested herself of her coat and bag.

Gibbs stood at the foot of the stairs. "Abbs?!"

"Hi, honeys... are you home?" came the cheery reply from upstairs.

Gibbs exchanged a grin with Maddie. "Good catch."

"You can't get much past me." Abby came downstairs, rushing over to hug Gibbs and kiss him hello before launching herself at Maddie. The younger woman was getting used to the forceful nature of Abby's hugs and barely rocked on her feet this time as she was wrapped up by the taller woman.

Gibbs was relieved to see Maddie's face relax into a genuine smile as the tidal wave of an Abby welcome washed over her. His Abbs had that effect on most people and he was as glad for the distraction as Maddie seemed to be.

"How was your day? How is _The Kelly _looking, as awesome as ever? What did you get done on her today? Did you have lunch? Speak!" Abby asked in a rush, gesturing with her hands and Maddie gaped at her for a second before bursting out laughing.

"Okay... in order of asking. Wonderful. Totally awesome. Lots I think, although Jethro did most of the work and... yes, we did."

"Well, that's not nearly enough data... Come, tell me, I want details." Abby grabbed Maddie's hand and dragged her into the kitchen.

Gibbs shook his head, smothering a grin and moved past them both to dump the bags in the basement ready for tomorrow and when he came back upstairs, the two women were deep in conversation in the kitchen and sipping coffee.

Abby pushed a mug in his direction with a smile and he glanced at the suitcases in the hallway. "D'ya want these taken up, Abbs?"

Abby poked her head round the doorway as if reminding herself what was there. "Hmm? Oh yeah, in a minute. I'll give you a hand. I wanna get a shower anyway after I've unpacked that lot and then we can have dinner."

"Me too. Although I thought I might go down the street and see Mrs Johnson first, unless you want a hand with anything?" asked Maddie.

Abby shook her head. "Nope... Gibbs is on dinner duty."

"Oh yeah... I'm looking forward to it. He volunteered, if I remember?" Maddie smiled in his direction and he rolled his eyes.

Abby chuckled. "He totally did."

"You gonna con a cake out of Mrs Johnson, like you used to?" Gibbs raised an eyebrow as he moved to pick up one of the suitcases.

"Hey, I didn't con any cakes out of her," Maddie laughingly protested. "That was Kelly's job. I just... wheedled and looked cute."

"Now that I can believe," laughed Abby, waving as she grabbed the other suitcase and headed for the stairs. "Later. Take my keys so you can get back in."

Maddie nodded. "Okay... I'll see you both later."

TBC...


	15. Chapter 15: Together

**Price of the Past**

**Chapter ****15 – Together**

When Gibbs entered their bedroom, he saw Abby had already unpacked a couple of the boxes she'd brought over from her apartment. He dumped the case on the bed alongside its twin and opened them both and helped Abby with the unpacking.

Abby eyed him as she took the next armful of sweaters, sensing his slight preoccupation. "Everything okay?"

Gibbs looked up, momentarily startled before giving her a small wry smile. He'd not been far away in the room down the hall, his mind turning over Maddie's request.

He cupped her face and leaned in to kiss her softly. When he pulled back, his eyes roamed over the features he knew and loved so well. "Something I wanna ask ya... but later, 'kay?"

Abby nodded and he saw the sudden uncertainty in her expression as she looked over at the closet. "This is okay still, isn't it? Me moving in, I mean. It's not too much... what with all my _stuff_?" She bit her lip, searching his eyes, suddenly worried he was having second thoughts once the reality of her moving in sank in and he realized how she was invading his space, big time.

Gibbs cursed himself for raising any worries in her head and reached out to entwine their fingers. "Hey... it's nothin' like that. Want you here. It's the best thing that's happened in a while."

He pulled her close, burying his face in her neck, kissing the soft skin and breathing her in, overcome by a sudden need to lose himself in Abby and just stop everything churning around inside him... for just a little while.

Obviously puzzled, Abby nevertheless wound her arms round his back, hugging him tightly as she murmured, "Yes, it is... nothing I want more."

After a few moments, Gibbs drew in a shaky breath and raised his head to kiss her again, murmuring against her mouth. "_You're_ the best thing that's happened to me in a long time."

Abby blinked, a slow smile spreading across her face as she smoothed her hands across his chest. "Likewise, Very Special Agent Gibbs."

Gibbs chuckled, running his knuckles down her cheek and she leaned into his touch. "This is somethin' else I wanna talk to you about. Just need to get it straight in my head first."

She stared at him for a moment before nodding. "Okay then." Abby turned back to the closet without another word and Gibbs smiled inwardly, grateful again that Abby didn't push him.

It was something he was still getting used to, that she didn't keep on at him over and over till she'd wormed whatever it was out of him... not when it was something that mattered, not when she could sense he needed space and time. It was part of what made her so different and he didn't know why he kept being surprised by it.

By way of changing the subject, he commented, "You got a lot done at your apartment?"

He looked at the array of clothes next to his in the closet and the now full drawers that he'd emptied in readiness, feeling guilty again that he hadn't been able to help her today. But he could at least enjoy the fact that it was happening.

She was here, in every conceivable way.

With what they'd gone through, it just made even little things like seeing her move in somehow extra special... little glimpses of the future they were building.

On her next pass, Abby came over and wrapped her arms round him from behind, rubbing her cheek on his sweatshirt. "I did... this is almost all my clothes over here now. Just a few other things and the rest of my boots."

"Oh, we'll need the truck for those," Gibbs glanced over his shoulder with a grin and she growled into his back, reaching to tickle him and he grabbed her hands to stop her.

"Will not." Gibbs could imagine the pout, even though he couldn't see her face. Abby went on. "Although we might the truck for the rest of it, I'll give you that one. There's all my books and music and other... _stuff_ and the bits of furniture we said we'd bring... and the TV, mustn't forget the TV. But not too many other clothes left to come... I think."

Gibbs eyed the space left in the closet and back at the remaining contents of the cases. "Think it'll all fit?"

She peered round his shoulder. "We'll make it fit."

"If it won't, I could make ya another cupboard or chest of drawers."

Abby moved round him, looping her arms round his neck, looking at him wide eyed. "Wow... you sure?"

Gibbs rested his hands on her hips, pulling her flush against him. "Want to." He gestured with his head into the corner. "Room for one there... we can work out what you'd like, what'd fit."

Abby's bright smile spread across her face and she grabbed him in a tight hug. She pulled back, framing his face in her hands and kissing him soundly. "That'd be fantastic..." She bit her lip. "No one ever made anything for me before," she confessed softly.

His hand slid round her neck and he pulled her into another kiss. "Then that's long overdue too."

She smiled against his mouth as she whispered, "Thank you... you'll have to tell me what reward you'd like."

His grin when he pulled back sent a surge of heat through her as he tilted his head towards the bathroom. "You could start by scrubbing my back."

She returned his grin, fisting her hands in his sweatshirt and beginning to walk backwards toward the ensuite, tugging him along. "You think we've got time?"

Gibbs arched an eyebrow as he followed. "Mads'll be gone a while. Mrs Johnson can talk for hours and she won't wanna let Maddie get away so easy. How quick can you be?"

He kicked the door shut behind them and bent his head to the pulse point on her neck and she gasped as she felt his tongue. "Oh god... Keep that up and I'll be very quick." She grasped his head, spearing her fingers into his hair as he suckled on her neck.

They hadn't been together physically since the beginning of the week which was too long for either of them in these first few months of this new relationship; their need for each other as hot as it had been since their first night together, intensified by the growing knowledge of each other's bodies... learning what drove the other crazy led to some mind-blowing sex.

Now she felt a longing for him rise up urgently, needing this as part of repairing and strengthening their bond.

Undressing each other quickly, it wasn't long before they were in the shower, letting the hot water flow over them, holding each other as they relished the close, intimate contact.

When Gibbs pulled back, Abby felt her heart rate increase as she saw the hunger plain on his face; certain it was reflected in her own. They'd had to hide their longing for one another for so long that the freedom of being able to let that show, even just at home, hadn't yet lost its novelty value.

She ran her hands over his strong back and down over his butt, pulling him more firmly against her, feeling his burgeoning arousal against her stomach. Nuzzling into his neck, Abby kissed her way over his skin, swirling her tongue into the hollow at the base of his throat, smiling as she _felt_ him moan under her mouth.

Gibbs urged Abby to turn round. Holding her face up to the spray, she leaned against the broad expanse of chest behind her, feeling his lips trailing along her neck and onto her shoulder, soft nipping kisses that set her nerve endings alight.

His hands roamed over her body and she reached back to clutch at his hips, her knees nearly buckling as his sure, knowing touch turned her on with a speed that was dizzying. He soaped and massaged her body and soon a pulse was beating time between her thighs as she squirmed, surrendering to the sensations he was producing.

Abby gasped his name as he bit down on her neck and Gibbs felt her hips jerk as he slowly circled her clit before sliding two fingers inside her wet heat, his other hand massaging her breast and teasing her nipple.

Letting her head fall back onto his shoulder, Abby rocked her hips and turned her head to kiss him greedily, moaning at the way his tongue tangled with hers.

Gibbs kept up a steady rhythm he knew would get her off fast, and it wasn't long before Abby began to tremble in his arms, her muscles tensing as she buried her face in his neck.

When she could hold back no longer, she cried out as her orgasm washed through her. His fingers drew out her release until she was too sensitive to take any more, his other arm gently supporting her weight as she recovered.

She let out a shaky laugh. "Mad skills."

She reached up to pull his head into a kiss, nipping at his lower lip, pressing against his arousal standing rock hard against his stomach and he groaned into her mouth at the friction that wasn't nearly enough.

Fumbling for the shower gel, Abby soaped up her hands, enjoying the way his blue eyes followed her every move as she began running her hands over his body.

As her hands roamed, she allowed her eyes to do likewise over the hard lines of his body, sometimes still unable to believe he was all hers... and god knows she'd imagined this enough times; her very own wet dream come to life.

Rivulets ran off those broad shoulders onto the silvery chest hair and on south over his abdomen and beyond. He turned to duck his head more fully under the shower spray and Abby bit back a moan as the water hit his back, glowing over his powerful shoulder muscles and down the long line of his spine and over the curve of his butt.

With trembling hands, Abby spread the lather over his back and ass, kneading the firm cheeks. She pressed her thumbs into the muscles either side of his spine and pushed slowly up towards his neck, smiling as he groaned and arched into her touch.

She slid her hands round his front to help rinse him off, trailing her fingers along his erection. His hands reached behind to pull her flush against his back and Abby drew in a shaky breath at the feeling of his wet skin.

To hell with quick, he felt too darn good to hurry anything...

She continued stroking him, smoothing her palm over the sensitive tip and he all but growled her name as his hand came to rest over hers.

Abby buried her face into his back. "Wasn't it your back you wanted... scrubbing? I may have taken a detour."

Gibbs chuckled, his voice rough with need as he looked down at their hands resting on his engorged flesh. "Right now... your hand's just where it needs to be."

"No kidding." She moved round to his side and began stroking in earnest, increasing pressure and speed how he liked it, and it wasn't long before he was thrusting erratically into her hand, moaning softly, his eyes darkened and hazy.

He rested an arm on the tiled wall in front of him, his other hand sliding round her waist, and shuddered as Abby added a twist to the strokes, lather from the soap aiding the speed of her actions.

She could tell by the clenching of his jaw, his eyes closing and the way he moaned that Gibb was close. As his fingers tightened on her hip, he thrust almost helplessly into her hand as he came... hard.

He pulled her close, resting his forehead on her shoulder and she looped her free arm round his back, continuing to pump him slowly until he was spent. When he recovered, Gibbs raised his head, the sated expression and warm affection in his eyes made her smile and the kiss he bestowed was tender.

* * *

Gibbs dressed first. By the time Abby had done likewise and tied her hair into a high ponytail and headed downstairs again, Gibbs was in the kitchen, putting the baked potatoes in the oven to go with the steaks.

He'd changed into cargo pants and the soft grey sweatshirt that she could just curl up in, preferably with him in it, and she stepped up close behind him, sliding her arms round his waist, unable to keep from touching him.

Gibbs chuckled, looking over his shoulder. "Again?"

"Well, I'm a bit worn out but if you're offering." Her giggles turned to squeals as Gibbs turned and crowded her against the counter.

He bent his head to nip at her neck, sliding his hands round her hips to her ass. "Wish I had the energy."

Abby speared her fingers in his hair, holding his head to her neck. "And the time... Maddie could be coming back any minute."

He raised his head and grinned. "True... although someone was pretty quick coming just now."

Abby chuckled. "Wonder why... and I wasn't the only one, if I remember the groaning." She leaned in for a kiss and became lost all over again in the taste of him, the muscles under her hands, the feel of his body as he pressed her back to the counter.

Neither heard the front door open, merely jumping slightly when footsteps approached and a giggled, "Oops," sounded behind them.

They broke apart, Gibbs leaning his forehead into Abby's shoulder as she giggled and waved round him. "Hey Maddie... we're just, erm, making a start on dinner."

"Well, I can see you're making a start on something," Maddie chuckled as she walked further into the room, holding a tin in her hands. "Carry on... I'll just sneak upstairs for a shower, you won't even know I'm here."

Gibbs fought a blush as he turned round and paused when he saw the tin. "What d'ya got there, Mads?" he teased, a half grin breaking out.

"Well, with my keen observational skills, that looks mighty like a cake tin to me," Abby put in, with an impish smile.

It was Maddie's turn to blush. "Erm, well... Mrs Johnson was really pleased to see me... and I'm sure I could have stayed all evening if I hadn't insisted on getting back, thinking you'd be wondering where I was. And, erm, she happened to have a cake which she insisted I take back with me..." She started laughing when she saw his teasing grin. "It wasn't my idea, Jethro, honest... she practically shoved it into my hands... and I couldn't offend her, could I?"

Gibbs slung an arm round Abby's shoulders. "Told ya," he glanced down at Abby, tilting his head at Maddie. "Con artist."

TBC...


	16. Chapter 16: Relaxing

**Price of the Past**

**Chapter ****16 – ****Relaxing**

By the time Maddie made it downstairs again after her shower, the table was set, beer was in the fridge, the wine opened and Abby was lounging on the couch, watching Gibbs as he began cooking the steaks in the fireplace.

Maddie popped her head round the corner of the living room, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "Is it safe or should I cover my eyes?"

Abby giggled as she waved Maddie over. "Come on in... I've put him down for long enough so he can get started on dinner."

"Quite right too... I'm starving," Maddie declared as she walked into the room, catching Gibbs' smirk.

"Me too." Abby got to her feet and headed for the kitchen. "I'll get us something to drink."

Maddie returned her grin as Abby passed, and she settled on the couch. "Sounds good. Anything you want me to do, Abby?"

"Nope... just supervise him." Abby waved in Gibbs' direction as she disappeared.

"_Him_ can hear ya, y'know." Gibbs looked over his shoulder at Maddie."Too much to hope you two are gonna behave yourselves, I guess."

"Yup... although it's not the first time I've caught you making out, if you remember?" Maddie reminded him with an impish grin.

"_Really_?" Abby overheard the last comment as she returned to the room, handing over a full wine glass to Maddie as she sat beside her. "This I gotta hear."

Gibbs rolled his eyes, looking amused as he turned back to tend to the steaks.

"I came back with Kelly after school one day and we got home early and surprised them in the kitchen, making out. Kelly used to call it scary kissing." Maddie chuckled.

Abby giggled. "I can imagine... I walked in on my parents once. Kept me going for weeks pulling their leg."

"I remember Shannon couldn't stop laughing when Kelly wouldn't stop teasing, and Jethro tried to be all stern with us but was failing miserably." Maddie tried to look innocent as Gibbs glanced over his shoulder, his mouth twitching at the good-natured teasing.

The potatoes were ready by the time Gibbs finished the steaks and conversation was relaxed and easy between the three of them as they ate, the initial awkwardness and hesitation from the day before all but gone.

They talked more about Maddie's studies and her family and what friends she'd made already, along with what she wanted to do in D.C. while she was here, making tentative plans to maybe do some of it together, and Maddie quizzed Abby about her work and was offered a tour of NCIS.

As the evening progressed, Gibbs couldn't help a fleeting, melancholy thought, wondering if this is what it would have been like if Shannon and Kelly had lived... the three of them sitting down to dinner while their daughter caught them up with news of her life.

"Jethro said something about you about knocking a chunk out of his boat with a chisel, Abby," asked Maddie as she began clearing the plates into the kitchen. "I thought he was joking."

Abby shook her head, looking sheepish. "I wish... I've been apologizing to _The Kelly_ ever since."

Gibbs covered her hand, picking up on her discomfort. "Don't think she minded... it was an accident."

"Only coz I was drunk... I mean, really, really drunk," Abby revealed, her mind going back to that night she'd been so scared and also feeling guilty for having a stalker in the first place, convinced it was all her fault... until Gibbs used reverse psychology on her, which even in her drunken state, she'd recognised for the sneaky tactic it had been.

But more than anything else from that night, she remembered how just being in his house, knowing Gibbs was nearby, and even something as simple as wearing his USMC T-shirt and surrounding herself with his comforting scent, had made her feel safe as nothing else could have done that night.

Maddie looked between them as she returned and sat down again, sensing something in the atmosphere but not sure what to make of it. "Okay," she began hesitantly. "I'll bite. Why were you drunk in charge of _The Kelly_?"

"Coz I was hiding out in Gibbs' basement." Abby started to smile when she saw Maddie's puzzled amusement and took pity on her. "This was... ooh, nearly a couple of years ago now. Remember that crazy stalker boyfriend I mentioned?" Maddie nodded and Abby went on. "Well, it was back then."

"What happened?" Maddie asked quietly.

"Well, he tried to get to me at work... and this house was the only place I felt safe. Here... with you," Abby glanced at Gibbs, "where I knew he couldn't get to me."

"Wouldn't have let him, Abbs."

Abby turned her hand over and laced her fingers with his, looking up to meet his blue eyes, basking in the warmth she saw there. "But I was still so freaked out and pissed off at that... defective lunatic for making me scared in the first place, and I couldn't sleep so I went downstairs... where I found the bourbon."

"And the tools," Gibbs put in, squeezing her fingers.

It wasn't often Abby talked about Mawr or that night, when all he'd wanted to do was wrap her up and protect her from the world, even if it hadn't been his place to do so at the time.

Abby smiled, a trifle sheepishly. "Yeah... and the tools. And Gibbs came down in the middle of the night and tried to make me feel better, but he wasn't quick enough to stop me from getting near _The Kelly_ with a hammer and chisel. My aim's not real good when I'm drunk."

"Did you get him?" Maddie addressed her question to Gibbs as Abby trailed off.

"Oh yeah. We got him." Gibbs nodded, watching Abby, who was staring down at their joined hands and Maddie saw a flash of something in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Abby... I didn't mean to rake up bad memories," Maddie reached out to place a hand on her other arm. "Thank you for telling me."

"My bad for mentioning it," offered Gibbs, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.

Abby looked up, shaking her head as she was drawn out of her thoughts. "No... it's fine. It's all good..." She forced a smile and turned to Maddie. "It just shows you can get over something like that, you can get through anything with the right support, like I had... and you mustn't let this take over your life, Maddie. You gotta keep thinking to yourself that it's not worth it."

"I hope so, Abby. I hope I'm as strong as you," Maddie replied.

"Of course you are," stated Abby firmly.

"How long did it go on... for you?" Maddie asked curiously. "How long was he stalking you?"

Abby flicked a nervous glance at Gibbs. "Erm, a few months." It was much more than a 'few' months but there was no need for Maddie to know that... it sounded bad enough anyway.

"Months?" Maddie exclaimed.

"Er, yeah... ended up getting a restraining order against him, not that that did any good." Abby stared down at her hands again, feeling the weight of Gibbs' gaze on her but keeping her eyes averted.

"Wow... I'm not sure I'd have coped with something like that if it went on for that long," Maddie admitted.

Abby shrugged. "You do what you have to."

"I guess..." Maddie acknowledged, sounding doubtful. "With what's happened, I think it might take me a while to trust again... or feel at ease with anyone, wondering what's down the line if I go out with them... although it's not likely to happen again, my brain knows that."

"You will get over it..." Abby reached over to pat her hand. "Well, it's either that or give up men completely and that would be a _total_ waste."

That got a soft laugh from Maddie. "It would..."

* * *

After dinner, they moved into the living room and Gibbs made coffee as Abby curled up on the couch as usual while Maddie took the armchair again.

"Did you do everything you wanted to, with your landlord, Abby?" asked Maddie as she got comfortable.

Abby nodded. "I did... So we just need to finish packing the rest of my stuff and get me moved in. If we don't catch a case, it should give us time after work to go over to my apartment next week and sort it all out."

"I'd love to help, if you want?" offered Maddie tentatively.

"All hands to the pump would be great, thanks. Tony will probably be there helping too," Abby added with a cheeky grin and Maddie blushed. "Not that that will influence your decision at all?"

Maddie giggled. "Nope... that's not tempting in the slightest. What about Ziva and McGee... will they be lending a hand too?"

"Er," Abby hesitated, knowing how it would sound. "No, probably not... they don't know about us yet... we, er, haven't gotten round to telling everyone yet, seeing as it's not been that long."

"Oh... right. Sorry, I didn't know." Maddie looked uncertain, as if she wasn't quite sure what to say.

Abby shrugged. "No reason why you should."

Gibbs came in with the coffee at that point and Abby was grateful to change the subject. They talked for a while before Maddie suggested looking some more at her photo album. Gibbs hesitated for only a moment before agreeing and beckoned Maddie over to sit between him and Abby.

As they looked through the pages, Maddie offered more stories linked to the images and eventually Gibbs related one or two of his own, initiating the stories rather than responding to something Maddie brought up or Abby asked.

Abby listened eagerly, asking the occasional question or gently urging him on with a comment, more warmed than she could say that Gibbs had actually volunteered these stories. She caught Maddie's eye and the two exchanged a smile, sensing the younger woman had noticed the same thing and was just as pleased that he was sharing something.

"Do you want copies of any of these, Jethro?" offered Maddie, gesturing at some of the images.

Gibbs nodded, smiling gently as he stared at one of Shannon and Kelly he'd never seen before. "Yeah... I would. Thanks."

Abby volunteered to clean up in the kitchen, over Maddie's protests, and left the two of them alone. Maddie watched Gibbs bank up the fire before he settled back onto the couch next to her and picked up the album again, looking back over some of the earlier pages that they'd looked at yesterday.

The lines of his face were softer tonight, his expression more relaxed and all day Maddie had seen glimpses of the warm, indulgent man she remembered, with the crooked grin that would light up his face, and which she somehow sensed was much rarer now than it used to be. She'd also seen echoes of the pain he'd been unable to shake off, despite the years that had passed.

It felt like she was seeing a shadow of the man he was, with all his memories boxed up in his head and could only hope it was something Abby could change. There was no doubting his love for Abby, the way he looked at her when he wasn't aware he was being observed, and it was obvious his feelings were reciprocated.

Maddie was still puzzled and maybe a little concerned that Abby didn't seem to know some things about Gibbs. Things like his father still being alive, and Abby's discomfort just now when she talked about Ziva and McGee not knowing about her relationship with Gibbs was also worrying, but maybe there were aspects of the whole situation she wasn't aware of yet.

Maddie hadn't been sure if her presence here this weekend was helping his pain or deepening it. She hoped it would be the former, but seeing the current evidence of his pain had at least helped her understand why he'd taken the risks he had for her, along with the background Abby had filled in for her.

In one way, Maddie wasn't sorry she had missed seeing what he'd gone through in the intervening years. She doubted her younger self would have known how to help him anyway. This time she hoped she could make a difference.

Gibbs had already told her when they met again that he imagined she would be like Kelly if she'd lived. So it wasn't a big leap to wonder if, by saving her this time, it was an atonement of sorts for not being here to save his daughter all those years ago. It wasn't his fault he'd been deployed abroad in a war zone when his girls had died, but Maddie doubted he'd been so forgiving of himself.

Gibbs sensed her gaze and looked up, smiling gently, and Maddie saw the encouragement in his eyes as she spoke. "You know, I do still partly regret coming to see you... no, hear me out, Jethro," Maddie raised her hand as Gibbs opened his mouth, cutting him off, "especially coz it made you risk your own life for mine, but there's one thing I do regret more than anything... raking up more pain for you. I wish I could take it away, not make it worse."

Gibbs stared at her for a moment and she could see the surprise at her words. "You haven't..." Gibbs cleared his throat, his voice sounding rough to his own ears.

He took a moment to compose himself before closing the album and taking Maddie's hand. He stared down at their fingers to better hide his emotions but wanting to take away that look of guilt she wore but not sure where to start.

"It can't be easy," Maddie ventured into the silence, "sharing all this and seeing new stuff like these photos."

Gibbs shook his head. "Seeing these is good... didn't think I'd see anything new about my girls ever again, so I should be thanking you. And no regrets, Mads. Wouldn't trade your life... not for anything." He paused as his throat tightened and it was a few moments before he could go on. "Kelly and Shan wouldn't want me too either... they'd want you here safe."

Maddie blinked back tears and leaned into his side, resting her head on his shoulder and felt him press a kiss to her hair. "Well, I am... thanks to you and and Tony, and Abby, and I won't ever forget that."

They sat quietly for a while, staring into the fire and listening to Abby's moving around in the kitchen until she reappeared in the doorway, carrying the cake tin and plates.

"Thought we could crack open the loot that Maddie brought back."

"Hey," Maddie protested, laughing.

Abby stopped in her tracks, a wide smile breaking out as she saw the two of them on the couch, Gibbs still holding Maddie's hand and the younger woman looking relaxed as she rested her head on his shoulder.

She hoped Shannon and Kelly were looking down right now to see this.

"I feel like I should go for my phone again and take another photograph," Abby told them softly as she moved nearer, meeting Gibbs' warm gaze. "_That_ would make a really lovely photo."

"I saw the photo you took at NCIS," Maddie stated.

Abby grinned as she placed the tin and plates on the coffee table. "Not a bad shot, if I say so myself. We used it for your BOLO, minus Gibbs of course."

"I said you could do another copy, Abbs," Gibbs put in.

Abby began cutting the cake and glanced across at Gibbs. "Sure can. I was gonna do me another copy anyway. I thought I could frame it and put it up in my lab... if that's okay?"

Gibbs nodded, smiling softly. "Good idea." He glanced up at the mantelpiece which had been empty for years, remembering how full it used to be with photographs.

Maybe one day... maybe.

TBC...


	17. Chapter 17: Wanting to Share

**Price of the Past**

**Chapter ****17 – Wanting to Share**

From his position propped up against the pillows, Gibbs watched Abby move round their bedroom as she brushed her hair out, picking up her clothes and dumping them in the laundry basket as she passed.

She'd removed her make-up and was in one of her emerald silk nighties which set off her eyes, as if they needed any help. It ended mid thigh, giving tantalising glimpses of pale smooth skin as she moved about on those long legs which seemed to go on forever.

Gibbs felt something ease inside him as he absorbed the sight before him, the certainty growing that he wanted to see this every night for the rest of his life.

Abby caught him watching and shot him a bright smile before clambering onto the bed, crawling towards him. He pushed the covers down on her side and grabbed her hand to tug her nearer and she giggled as she almost overbalanced before straddling him to sit on his thighs, resting her hands on his shoulders as his own curled onto her hips.

"Maddie looked tired tonight but she looked more relaxed I thought than yesterday," Abby began.

"Uh-huh. Think you helped by sharing what happened with Mawr... should've asked ya first though," Gibbs admitted.

Abby shook her head. "Didn't matter... should've thought of the connection myself. I just don't want her being nervous in the future, y'know, even if you do wanna put her on lockdown and not let any man anywhere near her."

"You got that right."

Abby laughed. "Thought as much... still, I guess a background check or three wouldn't hurt if she wants help or is feeling nervous about someone, next time?"

Gibbs tilted his head. "Attagirl."

"Although they're not all like Haas or Mawr, we should remember that... except I guess we can't put Haas in the same category as Mawr either coz the situations are really way different," Abby linked her hands behind his neck, "and you know the real irony here?"

"If Haas had just asked Mads to take delivery of a letter without hassling her, she'd never have known anything was wrong until it was too late... and certainly too late to come to me for help," Gibbs put in.

Abby nodded slowly. "Yeah... that crossed my mind earlier too. So it was a close shave all round, coz those guys would still have found Haas, I guess... and she'd have had no time to come to you if they'd just turned up to get him... so Maddie coulda just been collateral damage. It's a really scary thought."

Abby was silent for a minute and he watched her face as she traced random patterns on his chest, enjoying the touch of her fingers through the thin material of his T-shirt. He cupped her face, tilting her head up slightly to see her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me about your nightmares after Mawr?"

Her eyes darted away and she refocused on a spot on his chest. "You had enough on your plate... it was okay. I got over the nightmares."

They started after Gibbs was injured and in a coma and didn't let up all the while he was 'retired' in Mexico with Mike. It was as if her subconscious realised that the man who would protect her from anything wasn't nearby.

"I wasn't here, was I?" Gibbs said softly, having already guessed the reason.

Abby shook her head. "No... but it's okay."

"Why d'ya keep it from me?" Gibbs persisted.

There was a flash of annoyance in her eyes as her gaze flicked up to his and away again. "Let's just not... talk about keeping secrets, shall we? You kept stuff from me and I kept stuff from you, so neither of us has a good track record with that one."

Keeping his girls from her hovered between them unspoken for a moment, along with recent events, before Abby went on. "So, just please, let's not dissect Mikel Mawr all over again... just don't go there, Gibbs... not now."

Gibbs stared at her for a moment, debating with himself before agreeing reluctantly. "Okay."

He could read her signals to back off as well as she could read his own and if he pushed now, she'd only clam up on him even more or get pissed at him again.

"I just don't wanna rake all that up again," she told him seriously. "Change the subject, okay?"

Talking about it now wouldn't make any difference to what had happened, for either of them, and she really didn't blame him for the nightmares. It wasn't his fault her subconscious reacted the way it did, and it would only make them both feel bad... and there'd been enough of that lately.

He wasn't happy to leave it like that but felt he had to respect her wishes. "Yes, ma'am."

Abby rested her forehead briefly against his, whispering. "Thank you."

Gibbs shifted his hands on her hips to her lower back and settled her weight more comfortably against him as he changed the subject, as requested. "We oughtta get some more help next weekend... to move you in."

She looped her arms round his neck, leaning in to kiss him lightly. "Well, Tony said he'd help, and now Maddie, and I've got my friends from church and the Sisters... don't underestimate how strong Sister Rosita is," she grinned as Gibbs chuckled. "And Ducky will help, I'm sure he will."

"Was thinking about the rest of the team... McGee, Ziva, Palmer. Hell, we can even ask Tobias if we're desperate."

Abby stared at him for a moment. "And how we gonna explain that one, huh? They don't know about us, remember?"

"About time they all did then."

Gibbs watched her face as it dawned on her what he was suggesting and the smile spread across her face a split second before he found himself with a warm armful as she threw herself at him, nearly cracking both their heads on the headboard.

"Are you serious?" Abby asked when she pulled back and when he nodded, she peppered his face with kisses. Gibbs captured her mouth when it brushed across his, cupping a hand at the back of her head and kissed her long and slow.

When they came up for air, he cupped her face. "That okay?"

Robbed of her voice for a moment, Abby could only nod before pulling him into another soft, clinging kiss. When she pulled back, he could see her eyes sparkling. "Maddie asked me earlier if Ziva and Tim were going to help move me in and I told her no... coz they didn't know about us. Poor girl looked as if she didn't know what to say."

He curled his hand round the side of her neck. "Don't wanna hide us anymore."

"Does that mean we tell the Director too?" she asked, tentatively.

Gibbs nodded. "Works for me."

"And if she has a problem with it?"

She didn't just mean professionally... there were times when she wondered if Jenny still had feelings for Gibbs.

"Then we worry about that if we have to. Won't change anything between us." He lifted her hands and pressed a gentle kiss to each palm and then each wrist, nuzzling against her skin and smiling when he heard her breath hitch. "This is it for me... you're it."

That earned him another smile and a soft kiss. "Ditto... and ditto. Y'know, I never thought I'd feel like this... I mean, I knew I loved you... have done for years, you know that, but never thought I'd have you. And then when every relationship I had just... fell apart for one reason or another, I got to thinking it must be me... that there must be something wrong with me. You've been changing that."

Her latest relationship breakdown with Marti not that long ago had really thrown her for a loop. It was one more piece of data in a long chain of evidence that she was just too much... too _her_... and not what any man could cope with or would want in a long term relationship.

"Abbs, there's nothing wrong with you..." Gibbs began.

She held up her hand, cutting him off. "No, let me finish... let me get this out. And I guess all of them sorta knocked my confidence... y'know, chipped away at it little by little. And now... I'm not saying what happened this week hasn't knocked that confidence as well coz it has, but I gotta believe we can get through it.

"We will." Gibbs cupped her face. "Promised you we would."

"I know and I believe you... I didn't think I could be this happy," Abby smiled. "You let me be me. You don't wanna change me... you love me for me and I can't tell you what that means."

"Love you coz you're you, Abbs."

Gibbs tugged Abby closer, wrapping his arms round her and covered her mouth again, burying his hands in her hair. They stayed like that, just kissing for a while, keeping it soft and tender, tongues coming into play now and then, mouths sometimes leaving lips to trail over cheeks, jawlines and necks.

Enjoying the feel of her warm curves in his arms, his body responded as the languid kisses gradually became deep and hungry. Separating only to pull off their clothes, they went back to leisurely making out and Abby slid her hands across his chest, threading her fingers through the rough grey hair and stroking the skin over his stomach, feeling the muscles ripple under her touch.

She undulated her hips slowly, feeling his arousal twitch beneath her. His hands cupped her ass and pulled her against him, making them both moan at the contact. Sliding his fingers between her legs, he teased and stroked until she was rocking her hips in time to his caresses, whimpering into his neck.

Not wanting to wait any longer, Abby positioned herself over him, grasping his length in her hand as she slowly took him inside. Gibbs watched captivated as she sank down, arching her neck, her long dark hair hanging down her back, her green eyes hazy with lust, biting her full lower lip as she concentrated.

Fighting the surge of emotions rushing through her, Abby leaned her forehead against his and gripped his shoulders as she adjusted to the feel of him before she started rocking against him achingly slowly. His mouth and hands caressed and kissed wherever he could reach as she moved, taking him deeper in steady strokes, and their rhythm continued to build almost leisurely.

Abby felt her orgasm slowly building and when it finally arrived, she clutched him tightly as it rippled through her, trying to muffle her moans into his shoulder. Through her haze, she felt his arms tighten as he found his own release in a deep growl into her neck.

When she could focus again, Abby became aware of him nuzzling into her chest and held his head to her skin as she tried to catch her breath. When she eased off him, they slid down onto the bed and she burrowed contentedly into his side. She giggled softy as she felt him press gentle butterfly kisses over her face till he reached her lips, breaths mingling as he kissed her slowly.

They lay there in contented silence, absorbing the quiet intimacy. Abby nuzzled into his neck and he turned sideways to enfold her in his arms, tangling their legs together so he could pull her as close as possible.

Abby sighed, contentment washing through her as she settled into her favourite position... well, _one_ of them. Lying here she could fit snugly under his chin, her mouth within reach of that neck, her face pressed into his chest, and let herself be surrounded by him, his scent seeping into her.

She felt his hand stroking gently through her hair and the rumble of his voice under her ear. "Wanna ask you something?"

He must have felt her stiffen slightly because he cradled her head, tilting her face up to kiss her softly in reassurance before going on. "Nothing bad..." He paused for a moment before admitting quietly, "Maddie asked if she could see Kelly's room again."

Abby remained silent, watching his face, seeing his struggle. He stared off into space for a few seconds before meeting her gaze. "Should've expected it, I guess."

"She must have a lot of memories of that room... from spending time in there with Kelly," Abby remarked softly.

"Spent more time in there than anywhere else in the house, I guess." Gibbs nodded, his voice rough as he admitted. "No reason why she shouldn't go in."

"But...?" she coaxed gently when he was silent for a while.

Gibbs blinked rapidly, shaking his head. "I can't... go in there with her."

"I'm sure she'd understand that."

Gibbs was silent for a minute, stroking her hair. "Will you go with her?"

Stunned, Abby could only stare at him before finding her voice. "Me? Are you sure?"

"Only fair to let her share it with someone... not sure I can do that... yet." He held her gaze. "Will you help?"

"Of course I will... as long as it's okay for me to go in there?" she asked tentatively, all too conscious of what something like this meant... that he was opening the door to more than just her seeing Kelly's room.

It was a show of faith and trust that she wouldn't have believed possible only a few days ago.

Gibbs cupped her cheek in his hand and the expression in his eyes warmed her as much as his words. "No one I trust more. Want you to share in it."

TBC...


	18. Chapter 18: Ongoing Repairs

**Price of the Past**

**Chapter ****18 – ****Ongoing Repairs**

As they pulled up outside Maddie's apartment the next morning, parking behind Tony's car, the man himself was sitting on the steps waiting for them.

Tony pushed himself to his feet as Abby slipped out of the truck before it had barely come to a standstill and ran over to wrap him in a tight hug. "Tony!"

Tony lifted her almost off the ground as he hugged her back, grinning broadly. "Hey, Abbs... Maddie." He smiled at Maddie as she joined them, bending slightly to kiss her cheek. "How ya feeling?"

Maddie returned Tony's grin and Abby bit back her own as she saw the slight blush on Maddie's face as she got the full force of the Italian's charming smile. "I'm fine, Tony... it's been a great weekend, just what I needed. You okay?"

"Just peachy. Takes more than a bit of river goo to fell a DiNozzo. Hey, Boss... need a hand there?" Tony moved to the truck and Gibbs nodded a greeting before handing Tony his toolbox.

"You really okay, DiNozzo?"

He eyed his senior agent, looking for any signs Tony wasn't peachy, as he'd airily claimed, or the usual clues the younger man was hiding his real condition but he looked healthy enough. Gibbs bit back a smile as Abby was more direct when she joined them.

"Any breathing difficulties, Tony?" Abby looped an arm through Tony's, eyeing him closely. "Be honest now."

Tony held Gibbs' gaze. "Nope... I really am fine."

Gibbs nodded, part of him hoping Tony was talking about more than his health. "Good."

* * *

It took them most of the morning to clear up the mess left in Maddie's apartment.

Gibbs repaired the lock and busted door with Tony helping where instructed, before the younger man gave the girls a hand to shift furniture back where it should be and clear up any breakages. Between the four of them, they managed to get the place cleaned up and just about back to normal.

A few personal things weren't salvageable, broken in the struggle to haul Maddie out of the apartment or as the guys searched for the money. Most of it was replaceable, apart from a few broken photo frames which had sentimental value.

Maddie was quiet as she removed the prints, brushing the images free of glass. Abby overheard Tony trying to distract the younger woman, eventually quietly offering to get her replacements. Abby exchanged a fond glance with Gibbs at the simple display of Tony's typical thoughtfulness.

During the morning, Gibbs was conscious of Tony surreptitiously watching him and Abby, figuring his SFA was trying to gauge their mood and to see if there was any tension left over from what had happened with Maddie.

He wondered if Tony still had more to say to him after having time to think. If so, Tony was probably saving it for later at the house when he'd be coming to dinner.

His friend had had a couple of days to process his anger and Gibbs doubted their brief talk at the hospital was going to be enough. He'd had his own time to think too, and felt there was more he should say to Tony, despite how difficult it might be finding the right words.

* * *

Later that morning, Maddie walked over to Gibbs who was testing the new lock. "I would offer you coffee but I'm not sure I can bear the face you'd pull if I make it."

Gibbs grinned as he acknowledged the truth of that. "Could send out for it."

Maddie laughed. "We could... and that's just what I was gonna suggest. There's a great deli on the corner. I was gonna go buy some lunch for everyone and pick up some coffee at the same time."

"Sounds good but I can get lunch," Gibbs offered, reaching for his wallet.

"Oh no, you don't... this is on me, especially when you won't let me pay for that new lock," Maddie gestured at the door. Gibbs shrugged but didn't reply.

"I'll come with ya, Maddie... help carry lunch," Tony put in as he approached them.

Maddie smiled up at Tony. "That'd be great."

"Don't let him eat it all before you get back," Abby called out from the kitchen.

"You wound me, Abby. As if I could do such a thing," Tony clapped his hand to his chest, winking at Maddie.

"Oh, you would... and you have, buster. Who ate half my lunch last week before it even got to my lab?" asked Abby, sticking her head round the kitchen door, eyes narrowing playfully.

"Er, yes, well... I was hungry... I hadn't eaten all morning and I'm a growing boy," Tony grinned, before gesturing a laughing Maddie to go ahead of him through the door. He caught Gibbs' eye as he passed, commenting quietly. "Just making sure she's okay, Boss."

Abby put her hand over her mouth to stop her giggles at the look on Gibbs' face as he watched Maddie and Tony walk down the apartment steps, deep in conversation. "I swear I should take a picture."

Gibbs' glare was half-hearted and she giggled. "You don't know whether to lock Maddie in her apartment or slap handcuffs on Tony, do you?"

Gibbs' mouth twitched in a half smile. "Was thinking about both, except he'd probably enjoy it."

"You may have a point there." Abby laughed as she came over, sliding her arms round his waist and resting her head on his shoulder briefly. "I really don't think Tony's being anything other than a big brother and his usual charming self, just trying to put Maddie at her ease and take her mind off the fact that her apartment was... trashed, and she's gotta be remembering being hauled outta here too."

Gibbs grunted a non-committal reply as he slipped his arms round her.

Abby turned her head to kiss his cheek, nuzzling into his skin. "And Maddie's just... well, any red-blooded female with a pulse would react to six foot of green-eyed Italian charm."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "Any red-blooded female?"

Abby giggled at the glint in his eye. "Well, apart from those that are already taken."

"Uh-huh..." His hands slid to her hips and tugged her closer.

Abby looped her arms round his neck. "Besides, she's 23... and you really don't wanna know what I was doing at 23, coz it would make your toes curl."

"Really?"

"Yup..." Abby nodded, smiling. "So you'll just have to trust me when I say, she's old enough to make up her own mind and whatever it is, it will be a lot tamer than what I got up to."

Gibbs sighed. "Yeah, I know... it's just..."

Abby took pity on him as he trailed off. "I get it... you can't help being protective of her, in any situation... and Tony's not known for his long term relationships but you can trust him y'know... and he's hardly gonna risk your wrath or severe concussion by making a play for Maddie."

"Do trust him."

"Just a bit wary... " Abby hesitantly guessed.

"Yeah," Gibbs nodded. "I guess... and there's an age gap."

Abby chuckled. "Yeah... only slightly more than there is between you and me."

"Yeah but you're..." Gibbs stopped in mid flow.

Abby's eyes narrowed. "Go on... but be careful, or I may have to shoot you."

"Was gonna say ageless." Gibbs bit back a grin.

Abby snorted, leaning in to kiss him. "Nice save. And anyway, I honestly don't think Tony's interested... he's just being a big brother. Like I told you before, he hasn't got that stud muffin glint in his eye."

Gibbs snorted. "If you say so."

"I know so."

He hesitated for a moment before going on, sliding his hands up her back in soothing strokes. "Gonna tell Maddie it's okay to go into Kelly's room, when we get back... she might wanna go in today."

Abby hugged him warmly, feeling the slight tension in his muscles. "I'll make myself scarce for a bit when we get back so you can talk to her."

* * *

After lunch, they left Maddie's apartment, with the younger woman very relieved that her space was back to normal again. Tony headed home too, promising he'd be along later for dinner. As they returned to Gibbs' house in the truck, Gibbs called Maddie back as they headed inside while Abby disappeared upstairs to shower and change.

Maddie followed Gibbs into the kitchen, looking at him quizzically as he flipped on the coffee maker out of habit, leaning his hands on the counter.

"D'ya wanna see Kelly's room this afternoon?"

Startled at his directness, it took a moment before Maddie could reply. "I'd love to, Jethro... as long as you're sure."

Gibbs nodded, keeping his eyes averted, trying to control the rush of emotion. "Yeah, I'm sure... Want ya to remember your friend, Mads. Not sure I can go with ya though."

"I understand that. I know it can't be easy."

"Want Abby to see it... learn more about Kelly. Will you show her?" he asked quietly.

Maddie placed a gentle hand on his arm, moved that he was trusting her like this. "I would love that... would love to show Abby and it'd be nice to have some company. Got so many happy memories of that room."

Gibbs took a deep breath and turned to face her, covering her hand with his own and mustering up a brief smile. "I know you have... Kels," he swallowed hard as his voice cracked. "She would want you to see it again, and so would Shan."

Maddie could see the turmoil in his eyes and acted on instinct, moving closer to wrap her arms round him. "Thank you." She felt her throat tighten as he returned her hug.

TBC...


	19. Chapter 19: Opening the Door

**Price of the Past**

A/N: The entire 'Kelly's room' scenario, from how she brings it up, to Gibbs' reaction, and asking Abby to go with Maddie, and what happens in the scene below, was borne out of an awesome bunny lobbed my way by Kesterpan; so thank you, my friend. I hope I've done it justice. Also swimming around in here are bunnies lobbed by Gibbsredhoodie and ncislove... they're all at it!

* * *

**Chapter ****19 – Opening the Door**

Maddie headed upstairs to wash off the dust and dirt from their morning's work and when she emerged from the bathroom, the door to the main bedroom was open and she could see Abby putting away clothes. Abby waved and beckoned Maddie inside.

Abby eyed the younger woman, seeing her excitement and nerves as she entered the room. "He ask you yet?"

Guessing what Abby was referring to, Maddie nodded. "Yeah... he did... I'm really touched he trusts me with it."

"You're not the only one," confessed Abby. "Blew me away when he asked me to go in there with you. But in a way, you know that room better than anybody else so it makes sense he'd allow you in there... you musta spent a lot of time in there."

Maddie smiled fondly. "Yeah, I did... We used to play in there for hours, making up stories and games... or Shannon would read to us, and so would Jethro when he was here."

"You wanna go in now?" Abby pushed the last of her sweaters onto the shelves in the closet and closed the doors.

"If you like." Maddie nodded.

"Well, you know he's gonna be on tenterhooks all day until we do go in there, don't ya? Hell, so am I. So why don't we do it now and then we can all relax before Tony arrives for dinner," Abby suggested, looping her arm through Maddie's and leading the way as the younger woman agreed.

They stopped by the closed door, glancing at one another and mentally taking a deep breath before Abby turned the doorknob and pushed against the slight resistance of a rarely opened door.

Abby gestured for Maddie to go first and the younger woman smiled as she took in the familiar layout of Kelly's bedroom, virtually unchanged, if a little tidier than she remembered.

Abby followed her inside, eyes darting everywhere as she tried to take in much as she could of the dusty interior. It wasn't quite the dust of ages and certainly not fifteen years' worth but it wasn't likely he came in here to clean up that often either.

There were drawings still on the walls, easily identifiable as a child's hand, and a couple of framed photographs on the chest of drawers by the bed, which was also covered with stuffed animals and dolls, as were the pillows on the bed which dominated the centre of the room.

Beary Smiles had pride of place in the middle of the bed and Abby smiled sadly as she remembered her conversation with Gibbs about how long he'd stood in line for Kelly's bear one Christmas.

A doll's house occupied a small table in the corner and it was obvious it was homemade and her heart squeezed in her chest at this visible reminder of something Gibbs had made for his precious daughter. Shelves lining one wall of the room were filled with books and boxes were stacked on the shelves or in the corner.

There was a small easel in the opposite corner and Abby's gaze went back to the drawings on the wall and wondered, as no doubt Gibbs had tortured himself with, whether Kelly would have grown up to have a talent for art.

She'd learned more about his girls this weekend than she had in the past eighteen months since she'd found out about them; and they'd never seemed more alive to her.

Maybe that was partly the newness of all the memories and stories that she was soaking up. Even though she'd never known them, somehow she felt close to them and their loss was becoming personal to her in a way she couldn't readily explain.

The more she learned about Shannon and Kelly, the more she wanted to learn. And if she felt sometimes like she was living in a house of ghosts, it was in a good way; almost like they were her ghosts now too.

Abby watched Maddie moving slowly round the room, the smile on her facing growing wider as she discovered things that she obviously recognized; items which must have so many memories wrapped up in them.

Maddie trailed her fingers gently over some of the toys, picking up some of the animals and dolls and when she turned to face Abby, her eyes were shining with emotion. It took her a few attempts to speak, blinking back tears as she gestured with her hands at the room around her.

"I remember so much of this, Abby... I thought it'd be a bit the same but it's still a surprise to see it."

Abby moved forward to stand at Maddie's side, her eyes moving over the books on the shelves. "I can't imagine how he lives with it as it is... or how he could ever contemplate clearing it out. So I guess he's stuck... damned if you do, kinda thing."

"I know... it brings it all home much more, seeing it all like this, doesn't it?" Maddie gestured almost helplessly.

"And he's faced it all alone..." Abby continued softly, heart aching, and Maddie put a hand gently on her arm.

"Until now," Maddie reminded her.

Abby turned to meet her gaze, immeasurably glad Maddie was here. She'd probably just have sat on the floor and cried if she'd come in here alone. "Yeah... till now. Reckon it's something we can help him with... over time?"

Maddie nodded decisively. "Reckon we can try... Look at this, Abby." Maddie picked up a a stuffed bear. "Kelly loved bears but this one... I remember this one, look..." She turned the animal over and Abby saw the Silver Star pinned to the front, her eyes widening as she realized it was Gibbs' own.

"Oh my..."

"Yeah... I remember him giving this medal to Kelly and she decided that the bear should have it? What was his name..." Maddie thought for a moment. "Oh, I know, he was Basil... don't ask me why Basil," Maddie chuckled. "Kelly said he deserved a medal because Shannon had to sew his fur back together where it had come apart and he hadn't cried... Kelly made Jethro give the medal to Basil, and only he could make something like that look dignified."

Abby chuckled. "I can totally picture that. Bet he saluted Basil too, didn't he?"

Maddie laughed. "Yeah, he did." Her laughter trailed off as she gazed along the shelves and round the rest of the room, suddenly looking bewildered as if not knowing where to start.

Sensing her turmoil, Abby put an arm round Maddie's shoulders and hugged her. "So... d'ya wanna look at anything in particular?"

Maddie shook herself. "So much I could tell you... too much for now but maybe we could take a look at some of the books? Used to love reading... and being read to. Shannon would read us a story every time I came over, and so would Jethro... he was really good at the scary stories and would have us both squealing and hiding under the bedclothes."

Abby grinned. "I'd love to have seen and heard that. C'mon, let's sit down and take a look."

Abby helped Maddie take down some of the books from the shelves and Maddie opened a few boxes to see if there was anything else she recognised. "Oh my God... I'd forgotten this."

Maddie pulled out a doll which Abby recognised. "Oooh... I know that, it's... erm, hang on..."

"The American Girl," Maddie finished, holding up a doll with dark brown hair in pigtails. "I remember Kelly wanted one. I didn't realize it at the time but they were expensive, I think... so it must have taken them a while to save up for it. This one's... Molly, I think."

Abby took the doll. "She looks like..."

"Kelly... yeah, I know. That's why Kelly wanted her, I think." Maddie stroked one of the pigtails softly. The resemblance was uncanny, even down to the eye colour.

"No wonder he put this one away out of sight," Abby commented, handing the doll back to Maddie.

"And the storybook that went with Molly is similar too," Maddie added. "Her dad away at war..." She broke off, her voice cracking. "God. I can't bear to think of it, even now, so imagine how Jethro felt."

Maddie stared down at the doll and Abby wrapped an arm round her shoulders and they stood quietly for a few moments. "C'mon... let's put Molly back and look at something else."

By common consent, they sat down on the floor by the bed rather than on it.

As Maddie leafed through some of the books from the boxes, she also found bundles of Kelly's drawings and was quiet as she looked through them. "I didn't realise it at the time but she might have been real good at drawing... she loved it so much, far more than I did. I used to prefer having my head in a book."

Abby looked over Maddie's shoulder. "I was the same... I could draw... well, more like cartoon type stuff but I would totally devour anything to read... still do."

Maddie stilled as she opened the next book. "Oh..."

"What is it?"

"It's a letter from Jethro to Kelly... maybe when he was deployed... I better just..." Maddie closed the book, feeling like she was intruding on something very private.

"Yeah," Abby agreed. "Wonder if he even knows it's here... or how much of any of it is in here? Has he gone through any of it do you think since they died?"

Maddie shrugged. "Dunno... and I'm not sure I could ever pluck up the courage to ask him."

"Nor me, Maddie... nor me," Abby reflected wistfully.

* * *

Try as he might, Gibbs couldn't settle to anything in the basement, working on _The Kelly_ not providing the solace and clearance of mind it usually did... his daughter's name hovering in front of him in black paint on the side of his boat a vivid reminder of where Abby and Maddie were right now.

He found his ears straining to hear anything from upstairs, but not even his acute hearing could make out anything from the upper storeys from down here.

With a sigh, Gibbs eventually abandoned the basement and headed upstairs and tried to occupy himself some other way. He made coffee, restlessly prowled round for a bit, cleaned up the kitchen, put on a load of laundry, failed to settle to read a book before he found himself gravitating towards the stairs and sitting on the bottom step.

He'd heard the sound of their voices from upstairs... just the lilt of their voices rather than actual words, easily picking out Abby's husky chuckle and stronger voice as a contrast to Maddie's lighter tone, but not able to distinguish what she and Maddie were talking about.

A bout of soft giggling had him closing his eyes against a sudden rush of overwhelming emotion. It had sounded so like his girls when he would overhear Shannon and Kelly laughing over something in his daughter's bedroom, perhaps when his wife was reading Kelly a bedtime story.

He hoped by asking Abby to go in there with Maddie that it would show her how much he trusted her, how much he wanted Abby to learn about his life, about what his daughter was like... to try and give her some understanding of why he'd found it so difficult letting both his girls go and finally say goodbye.

He rubbed his hands over his face, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, drawing in a ragged breath.

The urge to go upstairs and join them was becoming stronger by the minute and he eventually gave into it, pushing himself to his feet decisively and heading carefully up the stairs, trying to keep quiet.

Gibbs paused at the top of the stairs, leaning against the wall on the landing, their voices clearer here through the open door and he listened, his heart pounding almost painfully as he plucked up the courage to go in, feeling incredibly vulnerable and hating the feeling.

He gave himself a mental head slap, took a deep breath and rounded the doorway. Both women looked up, startled, before greeting him with warm smiles. They were sitting side by side on the floor, with their backs to the side of Kelly's bed, piles of books at their side and spread across the floor.

His vision blurred for a moment, his memory supplying him with a vivid image of Kelly and Maddie doing just that... Shannon was forever chastising them for sitting on the floor rather than on Kelly's bed, both girls protesting they had more room down on the floor.

Abby stared at him for a moment, before patting the floor beside her and saying softly, "Come... join us?"

Gibbs nodded slowly and moved forward, and the two women shuffled apart so he would sit between them. He settled in and Abby scooted back closer to his side, trying to give him comfort and strength just by being near.

Gibbs gave her a soft smile before looking at Maddie. "Watcha been looking at?"

Maddie handed him the book she'd been showing Abby, opening it to the page they'd been looking at. "Remember this? How you used to read to us both when I stayed over?"

Gibbs traced his fingers over the page for a moment. "Yeah... I remember. Kels loved these stories... so did you?"

"I did... I'd sit cuddling Basil, the bear... we'd fight over him," Maddie laughed softly.

"Then you'd swap and I had to read another one before you'd both go to sleep." Gibbs raised his head, gazing round the room.

"We looked at some more books you and Shannon used to read to us too," offered Maddie, patting the pile of books at her side. She gazed at him for a moment, trying to read his expression. "You okay?"

Gibbs shifted his arm around Maddie's shoulders and she leaned into him. "Yeah... yeah, I am."

Abby heard the slight surprise in his voice and looped her arm gently through his, resting her head gently on his shoulder, and the three of them sat there quietly for a while without speaking.

Gibbs concentrated on his breathing, using his training to try and keep calm, trying to sort through the emotions swirling inside him as he remembered previous times in this room... and how over the years, the pain had taken over from the good memories.

He would sit almost right about here on the floor, bottle in hand, his head back on Kelly's bed, drinking until his brain would be so numb with booze that he would pass out or end up sniffling like a baby as his grief overwhelmed him.

Maybe one day, after times like this, he'd be able to come into the room without the pain bringing him to his knees. Maybe this was a way to turn this around, to change this room back into something positive.

If he had Abby in his life, who had somehow managed to love the empty shell of a man he'd become, and with renewed contact with Maddie, the most vivid living reminder of Kelly for years, maybe he could face his demons, with their support.

Maybe he'd be able to remember the happy times instead of defaulting to the raw pain of his loss all the time. Perhaps that's what Kelly was trying to tell him when he was near death in the river?

That it was really okay to go back and to live... and not just exist.

That he needn't do this alone and that with help, he could be happy again.

If he accepted that the two girls he had now could help him cope with some of the bad memories and that they could help him remember the girls he'd lost in good ways... then maybe he could learn to live with his loss rather than dwelling on it.

After the setback of having to grieve for his girls all over again last year, he felt he'd started along the road to healing more this weekend than he had been able to in years.

And joining Abby and Maddie here in this room right now felt like the most healing moment of all.

TBC...


	20. Chapter 20: Building Blocks

**Price of the Past**

A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and reviews – I'm back in the land of wifi now, so apologies if I've missed thanking anyone individually while I was away on a hinky connection. Also huge thanks to Bamacrush for her help in the last chapter with suitable toys for Kelly... including the American Girl, which this Brit had never heard of! And finally, hugs to Kesterpan for helping me with Tony in this chapter; she has a much better handle on him than I do.

* * *

**Chapter 20 – Building Blocks **

Later that day, while they waited for Tony to arrive, Maddie and Abby made a start on dinner. Gibbs had retreated to the basement, just to get his mind settled again after their time in Kelly's room, which had left him feeling a bit emotionally battered but also as if a weight had been lifted... just slightly.

They'd spent a little longer in Kelly's room, looking at her books, and the comforting warmth of the two women leaning against him had gone a long way to keep the turmoil at bay.

Eventually, Abby seemed to sense he was nearing his limit and when he glanced at her as he closed one of Kelly's books, she whispered, "Enough?"

Gibbs nodded and she squeezed his arm before rising to her feet, groaning as she massaged her lower back.

"God, I'm not nearly as elastic as I used to be. Gimme a hand with dinner, Maddie?" she asked, trying to take the emotional temperature down and give Gibbs time to gather himself.

"Sure thing, Abby," Maddie replied, smiling up at her from the floor. "If I can make it off the floor, I think I've seized up."

"Says the youngest in the room," Abby teased.

Gibbs followed suit more slowly. "It's alright for you two... you've got years on this old man."

Abby grabbed his arm, hauling him the rest of the way. "Not so old... I'd say just right," she told him softly as she smoothed her hands across his shoulders.

He smiled gently at Abby before reaching a hand down to help Maddie to her feet. The young woman gazed up at him as she hesitated in front of him. "Thank you, Jethro," she said simply before hugging him tightly. "Wouldn't have missed this for the world."

He returned her hug, smiling at Abby over Maddie's head. Abby signed "_Me too_" at him and he nodded. When Maddie drew back, he cupped her cheek. "Glad you could see it again."

Maddie looked between the two of them. "I'll, erm, see you downstairs, Abby."

Abby sent her a grateful smile as she left before looking back at Gibbs, who was gazing slowly round the end of the room which had been behind them while they were sat on the floor. "I'll leave you alone for a bit."

"Stay." Gibbs turned and held out his hand, pulling her into his arms when she moved closer. He bent his head to her neck, breathing her in and tightened his hold. She hugged him back, biting her lip against a flood of things she wanted to say to him, letting him set the pace.

He raised his head, meeting her eyes and smiling gently before looking round the room. "Oughta clean up in here a bit," he admitted wryly.

Abby nodded, suggesting tentatively. "I can help with that... if you want. We could remove some of the dust at least."

His hand came up and tucked a stray hair behind her ear before cupping her cheek and stroking his thumb across the skin. "That'd be good... and you've already helped. Thank you."

She nuzzled into his palm. "It's me who should be thanking you, Gibbs... for letting me start to get to know Kelly a bit. It's..." she waved her hands almost helplessly. "I can't even express what it means to me."

"Hope it's a start..." He trailed off, unable to articulate what he was feeling, what a start it was. A start to repair their relationship, a start in reclaiming his memories, a start in having his girls accepted by a partner.

The start of a new chapter in his life.

Her arms came round him and Abby kissed him softly on the cheek as she hugged him hard. "It's more than a start... to me, it's everything." She smiled as she drew back, framing his face in her hands. "And now, I will leave you be."

Abby pecked him lightly on the lips and left the room. Gibbs spent a few more minutes wandering round the room, touching and remembering. Eventually, he went to the door, pausing on the threshold and looked back, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"G'night, Kels."

* * *

Much later, with Gibbs in the basement, Maddie looked over at Abby as she came into the kitchen from setting the table. "Is Jethro okay, do you think? I hope it wasn't too much for him... letting us in there."

Abby nodded, her expression thoughtful. "I hope so too... It must have been hard for him but hey... he joined us in there. You have no idea how huge that is that he would _choose _to do that. And now, he just needs some alone time, that's all..." She gnawed her lip for a moment. "At least I hope that's all. When he's ready, he'll come up again."

"Glad you're here, Abby..." Maddie glanced at the taller woman as she admitted. "I'm not sure if I'd be able to work out his moods like you can. I find it hard to read him sometimes and I'd probably put my foot in it."

Abby wrapped an arm round Maddie's shoulder. "Don't think you could do that, Maddie... and even if you did, he wouldn't mind... not really. He'd know you weren't trying to hurt him. It takes a long time to learn to speak Gibbs... maybe I've just had a bit more practice. You just knew him as he was and it was a long time ago."

"Yeah, and I was just a kid, when you only remember certain things..." Maddie sighed. "I loved seeing Kelly's room again but I found it more... I dunno how to describe it. More enjoyable but also more upsetting than I thought it would be so I'm glad you were there. I'm not sure I'd have been able to cope on my own."

"You're not the only one," Abby admitted softly. "Brought it home that much more, didn't it? Which is totally silly coz it couldn't be any more real and painful, could it?"

Maddie nodded. "Nope... but I get what you mean, I think."

They continued working side by side in the kitchen for a while, each lost in their thoughts until the doorbell rang.

Abby spun round. "Tony!" She set off for the door only to stop in her tracks and throw a cheeky grin over her shoulder. "Or d'ya wanna get that, Mads?"

Maddie laughed, wagging a finger. "Will you stop it... I can see subtle is not your middle name."

Abby grinned as she hurried to the door. "I'm not telling you what my middle name is... you'll use it against me." She opened the door and hauled Tony inside before he could say a word, throwing her arms round him. "Hey gorgeous!"

"Hey ladies... Whoa, mind the jacket there, will ya, Abbs? Hey Maddie." When Tony managed to extricate himself from Abby's hug, he handed over the bunch of flowers he'd been holding, with a flourish. "Ladies..."

Maddie smiled as she took the flowers. "Thanks, Tony."

"Aawww, Tony, that's so sweet. And wow, you're looking totally hot... nice jacket." She fingered his black leather jacket, grinning as she took in his green shirt and black jeans, before grabbing his arm and dragging him into the kitchen.

Maddie followed, smothering a grin as Tony rolled his eyes. Abby got a beer out of the fridge and Tony took it with a smile, popping the top, toasting them both before taking a swig.

"Have you got a vase, Abby?" asked Maddie, burying her nose in the flowers. "I should put these in water."

"Mmm... good question." Abby pivoted as she thought. "Ah, I think there's one in the closet in the hallway."

"Okay... I got it."

Tony waited till Maddie was out of the kitchen before turning to Abby and asking her quietly. "So... how goes it, really? You okay? Didn't get much of a chance to talk to you alone this morning."

Abby smiled at Tony's look of concern and looped her arm through his, resting her head on his shoulder. "Yeah... yeah I am okay, Tony, really I am. Things have been good... we're getting there I think. He's really been trying."

Tony slipped an arm round her back and squeezed. "That's good to hear, Abby... been worried about you."

"Well, you don't need to... we've still got a lot to work out but I think we'll be okay." Abby leaned into her friend's side as she confided. "He's shared a lot this weekend, Tony... far more than I ever thought he would... and it can't have been easy for him."

Maddie appeared round the corner, carrying the vase and Abby fell quiet. She helped the younger woman arrange the flowers.

"Where do you want them, Abby?" asked Maddie.

"Umm... window in the living room?" Abby suggested.

"Okay," Maddie nodded. "And then I'm going upstairs to change... be back soon." With a little wave, she headed out of the room carrying the flowers and Abby turned back to the food, sensing Tony waiting until Maddie was out of earshot, and indeed, he picked up from pretty much where he'd left off.

"Maddie being here this weekend helped, I guess. Helped the Boss share stuff I mean," Tony observed quietly as he watched Maddie go upstairs.

Abby nodded. "Yeah, I reckon it did. She's been really good for him, in so many ways I think. He's been more open and I'm sure she has a lot to do with it."

"You do too, y'know. Don't underestimate what you're doing for him." Tony hesitated before asking seriously, "Think that opening up'll continue when she goes back to her apartment?"

Abby shrugged. "We'll see..." When Tony continued to gaze at her steadily, she nudged him. "You always ask the difficult questions, Tony."

"Someone's got to," Tony replied honestly. "I'm not asking coz I wanna pry... you know that. I'm just worried about both of you."

He'd watched the pair of them dancing around one another for years, and it had made his year when they'd finally crossed that line. And since then, Abby had looked as happy as he'd ever seen her... until this week. He wanted that happy Abby back more than anything.

"Yes, I know, Tony." Abby sighed, "I can't answer that one, can I? All I can do is hope it will..."

"I know," Tony sipped his beer. "I guess with Maddie here, it's kinda forced him... no, not forced, that's the wrong word. Maybe pushed him a bit more to share more than he would've normally."

"Oh, for sure," Abby acknowledged. "And..." She broke off, biting her lip, debating with herself for a moment but she really wanted to share this with her best friend.

Tony knew Gibbs almost as well as she did and would appreciate the significance of what had happened this afternoon. Maddie recognized some of it but the poor girl couldn't be expected to understand all the ramifications; so Abby just needed to tell someone who would be on the same Gibbs' wavelength.

Besides, she confided in Tony in just about everything and he'd been there for her always... as she'd tried to be there for him. He'd shared a lot with her over the past few years; when Gibbs retired, Tony's hurt when Gibbs came back, and the pain of his break up with Jeanne.

Aware Tony was looking at her expectantly, Abby took a deep breath. "Gibbs did something today which I wouldn't have believed he'd be able to, just a few days ago." She cocked her head. "Well, maybe in a way I could believe it coz I can't imagine he'd have refused Maddie but to include me too and then... himself."

Tony frowned. "Abbs... what?"

"Sorry, Tony... I'm not making much sense, am I?"

"Not much, no. Slow down." Tony grasped her hand, squeezing encouragingly.

"Okay... Gibbs let Maddie go into Kelly's room this afternoon," Abby said simply. "And he asked me to go with Maddie... yeah, Gibbs _asked_ me," Abby repeated when Tony's eyes widened. "But that wasn't it... well, it was _it_ but what happened later was just so..."

"So?" Tony prompted gently when Abby fell silent, waving her hand.

"He joined us in there, Tony," she told him softly. "All by himself... and he was... he was okay, handled it really well."

"Wow."

"Yeah, wow." Abby grasped Tony's hand in both of her own. "I'm so proud of him, Tony."

Tony could see Abby's eyes shining as she blinked rapidly and pulled her into another hug, patting her back, kissing her temple. "I can see that, Abbs... and with good reason, by the sound of it. It can't have been easy for him."

Tony didn't know for sure but he could make a guess that Kelly's room wasn't the most visited room in the house; so he felt pretty proud of his friend too, that he'd taken that step with the girls.

Abby tightened her arms round Tony. "No, it can't, and I know having Maddie here has helped but maybe he's also seen that he _can_ do it... sorta proved it to himself maybe?"

"Okay... I can see that. Kinda like he can share some of his past without shutting you out." Tony titled his head as he processed it. "Yeah... you could be onto something there."

"Whether it'll make any difference the next time he tries to go off grid... who knows?" Abby pulled back slightly, shrugging. "You've got as much chance of knowing the answer to that one as I do. But I gotta be positive. I'm gonna love him whatever he does, Tony... you know that," Abby finished softly.

Tony smiled affectionately at her. "Point taken, Abbs... we'll just have to be a tag team next time he does it then, coz we both know there's gonna be a next time, don't we? It's just a question of degree, I guess."

Abby nodded, smiling ruefully. "Oh yeah. We both know it."

"So... deal?" Tony held out his hand and Abby smiled and launched herself at him again and he hugged her back.

"Deal... I love that you've got my back, Tony."

Tony smiled "Always have, Abbs."

She squeezed him before pulling back. "Ditto..." She looked him over carefully. "And how about you, mister? How d'ya feel now?"

"I'm fine." Tony sipped his beer, releasing Abby and turning to lean against the counter.

"Any nightmares?" Abby persisted, ignoring the deflection tactic as Tony avoided her gaze.

If she hadn't been watching his face so closely, she'd have missed the slight flinch as Tony replied, "Okay if I plead the Fifth on that one?"

Abby huffed a laugh, shaking her head. "No, it's not okay... but I'll take it if that's all I'll get right now, but don't think I'll let you get away with it that easy."

"I'll be okay, Abbs... I'll work through it... Gibbs downstairs?" Tony took another beer out of the fridge.

"Yup... go talk to him, Tony. Hopefully you're both a bit calmer by now than you were at the hospital. I know you wanna talk to him."

"That obvious, huh?" Tony gave her a wry smile.

Abby smiled. "No... but you were eyeing each other this morning when your backs were turned. Don't want you fighting, Tony... we're family. But just..."

Tony waited as Abby trailed off. "Go on."

"Look, I know you probably wanna give him a few home truths, Tony, and they're all deserved and I know it's not fair of me to ask, but don't give him too hard a time... not right now, please. For me." She squeezed his arm. "He's had a helluva few hours."

"Copy that." Tony nodded, understanding what she was asking him. He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "I promise, Scouts honour, no blood on the floor."

* * *

Tony descended the stairs, watching Gibbs as he worked on _The Kelly_, his back turned as he sanded.

"Hey, Boss... need a hand." Tony dropped the beer onto the sawhorse at Gibbs' side.

Gibbs spared him a brief glance before reaching for the beer. "Not in that jacket."

"Easily fixed." Tony shed his leather jacket and hung it over the stair post. He took up the sanding block Gibbs slid his way along the workbench and got to work on one end of the boat where Gibbs indicated.

"Maddie told me this morning about going to see the hull of _The Kelly_, she was real excited about that."

Gibbs nodded, smiling slightly. "She was... It was good to show her."

"Be even better when she sees her complete..." Tony stopped in mid sentence as a thought struck him. "Hell, we're all looking forward to that one, once we've mounted a surveillance op to watch you get her outta here... although with Abby here, we've now got a mole on the inside. In fact, I'd start checking for bugs and secret cameras pretty soon if I were you."

Gibbs smirked and threw him a look but didn't comment.

They worked in silence for a bit and Gibbs surreptitiously kept an eye on Tony, occasionally catching his eye as the younger man looked his way, and eventually Gibbs spoke.

"You got something else you wanna say, DiNozzo, spit it out."

"Okay then." Tony sighed, throwing down his sanding block on the workbench and turned to face Gibbs, folding his arms.

He'd hoped to lead up to it a bit more but typically that didn't work with a Gibbs who sensed something was simmering and went after it.

"Been doing a lot of thinking this weekend and I don't wanna belabour the point, coz I know you don't like it when anyone beats a topic half to death. So I'll just get it off my chest and you can choose if you take any notice of me or not..." He paused for a moment before going on. "_And_ I don't wanna upset Abby or ruin Maddie's evening by starting off with a fight so I'll say it and then we can forget it for tonight. Okay?"

Gibbs stared at Tony impassively for a moment as he processed the stream of words, before nodding. "Fair enough."

"But I reserve the right to bring it up again in the future if... or rather, when it happens again. Okay, here goes..." Tony stared off into the distance for a few seconds, ordering his thoughts before bringing his gaze back to Gibbs, deciding to go for the nub of it straight away. He didn't have to tiptoe round some subjects like Abby perhaps had to this weekend.

"I can't have your six if you pull stunts like that, Gibbs... and yeah, I get that you thought you had no choice at the time but I've got a choice for you." He unfolded his arms and stepped nearer as if to emphasize his point. "Trust me to have your back, both at work and off the job."

Gibbs shook his head, turning away slightly. "Told ya before, it's not about not trusting ya."

There was silence for a moment and Gibbs heard Tony step nearer, but wasn't prepared for the stinging whack on the back of his head as Tony ground out. "No, it's about you trying to protect everyone else but yourself."

Gibbs turned to glare at Tony but his SFA didn't flinch as he returned his stare, right up in his face. "One of these days, you'll realize that we'd all back you up, it doesn't matter the circumstances. You'd do the same for us... hell, you have done as much for us and more than once. So let us do the same for you, will ya? You're family, Gibbs. At least you are to me... you and Abby. And you do what you have to for family, remember?"

Gibbs stared him out for a second before his shoulders relaxed minutely and he sighed. "Yeah... I remember, Tony."

"And if that isn't a rule, then it damn well should be." Tony turned away slightly to reduce the tension, leaning against the workbench next to Gibbs.

"It's an unspoken one," Gibbs acknowledged with a small smile, remembering the times Mike had said the same thing.

"And you've got Abby to look after now... she needs you. I've seen what she's like when you're not around, remember?" Tony pointed out, the echo of Mexico still raw in his own mind too. "And now she's got even more reason to want you to stick around and be okay, which means so have I, speaking as her honorary big brother... That's all I gotta say... up to you if you listen."

Gibbs nodded, feeling more than a glimmer of pride at his friend standing up to him like this. He hoped that his relationship with Tony would be the stronger for this. If they could get through this, they could get through anything but he didn't underestimate how much of that would depend on him and what he did from now on.

Tony softened his stance and voice even more, satisfied with what he could see in Gibbs' face, for now. "You don't have to do this alone, y'know, Gibbs. I get why you do... why you feel you have to try and protect everyone."

It was something they all relied on, in a way. This feeling that if Gibbs was there, if he said he would fix it, then somehow it would be alright. But it fed into Gibbs' Lone Ranger tendencies and Tony was determined that was gonna change, however much of a battle it might be.

Gibbs turned to meet Tony's gaze. "You're right, Tony... shoulda let you help. Shouldn't have risked your health or life... or Maddie's." He bit back a grin as his friend's eyes widened.

"Whoa..." Tony stared at Gibbs, momentarily rendered speechless not only by the apology but the heartfelt admission and emotion he could read on Gibbs' face. "Who are you and what have you done with Gibbs? Hey, you haven't been replaced with a pod Gibbs, have you?"

Gibbs grinned and reached out to whack the back of Tony's head lightly and Tony's grin widened. "That's more like it, Boss." Tony picked up his sanding block again. "Apology accepted," he glanced over at Gibbs who rolled his eyes as he returned Tony's smile.

As he began sanding again, Tony ran over everything Gibbs had said, his expressions and body language, feeling somewhat heartened by what he'd seen and heard but at the same time, conscious of things left unsaid.

In deference to what Abby had asked, Tony had held back on some things he'd wanted to fire at Gibbs and that felt slightly frustrating. It had been a long build up this weekend, a lot of soul searching in his apartment, and it had taken him a while to work out how best to tackle Gibbs.

So it felt a job only partly done.

But he didn't want to rock the boat, not if the ship was finally stabilising.

And he certainly wouldn't do that to Abby. He could appreciate how emotional it must have been for Gibbs today... for all of them. But if Abby said things were going in the right direction, then that was good enough for him.

So maybe he would cut the guy a bit more slack, for a bit longer? Dial it back a bit and not give voice to some of the thoughts he'd intended to tonight. Tony cared about Gibbs too much to want to make things awkward for him in an already intensely emotional weekend all round.

He certainly didn't want to ruin dinner tonight by pissing Gibbs off and having an awkward atmosphere which he knew Abby would pick up on instantly, and which Maddie might become upset over.

_So, yeah... raincheck._

They worked in a more comfortable silence for a while before Tony spoke again. "Maddie looks good..." When Gibbs glanced up with a raised eyebrow, Tony realized how it sounded and clarified hurriedly. "Rested I mean. I'm glad she was here this weekend."

Gibbs nodded. "Me too..."

"Good for both of you, I mean." Tony pointed out.

And then Gibbs surprised him even more.

"Yeah... it has been." Gibbs paused and when he spoke again, Tony could hear the raw honesty in his voice. "That opportunity to get to know Maddie again... that's down to you, Tony." He reached out his hand and squeezed Tony's shoulder. "Won't forget it."

TBC...


	21. Chapter 21: To The Future

**Price of the Past**

A/N: Final chapter. Thanks for all the support and reviews for this story, and the biggest hugs must go to Gibbsredhoodie and Kesterpan who held my hand throughout and threw far too many bunnies my way.

* * *

**Chapter 21 – ****To the Future **

Abby looked round the table, unable to hold in her laughter as she listened to Tony in the middle of one of his stories and at the moment, he sounded as if he was somewhere south of John Wayne, rapidly heading for Gary Cooper.

Gibbs caught her eye, a smile curving his mouth. Maddie was giggling helplessly and Tony being Tony, the more his audience laughed, the more expansive and outrageous the stories became and the more liberally sprinkled with movie references.

Tony was currently relating some tale from an early case in which McGee had ended up in a car wash, minus a car, and as Maddie asked more questions, he segued into the time he and McGee were arrested for breaking into a car compound after being attacked by a guard dog. And so far they'd been treated to his Jack and 'Shir Shean' and Abby felt sure Bogart was just around the corner.

The atmosphere had been relaxed throughout dinner and they'd even managed to persuade Gibbs to volunteer some stories about Mike Franks, much to Tony's delight and fascination at this glimpse into his friend's past.

Gibbs' gravelly voice lent itself well to impersonating his mentor and Abby soaked up tales she'd never heard before, laughing as she pictured only too well some of the wilder escapades Mike got up to over the years, with Gibbs not exactly innocent.

And the more Gibbs told stories from his early days at NIS, the more his younger self sounded like Tony.

Abby had tried to read both men as they'd emerged from the basement earlier, and from what she could see, it looked as if some of the tension had eased. Tony looked thoughtful and slightly preoccupied as if he was processing something but had thrown her a reassuring enough smile. And any distraction disappeared when he started talking to Maddie and offered to help with dinner while Gibbs got changed.

As Tony came to the end of one story, Abby pushed herself to her feet, laughing. "Alright... before we go into round two, who's for dessert?"

Tony raised his hand. "Me! A large piece of whatever it is... what is it?"

Abby chuckled. "Haven't you got that the wrong way round, Tony?"

Tony shook his head, grinning. "With your cooking, nope. Whatever it is you've made will be awesome... and usually very fattening." He patted his stomach.

"Why thank you, Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo." She passed behind him, ruffling his hair.

"Hey... not the hair," Tony protested, smoothing it down. "You know I'm a big fan of your cooking, Abbs."

"Well, it makes me nervous to cook when you're around, Tony," Abby confessed. "You're an awesome cook... and you promised someone an Italian meal, if I remember rightly." She gestured with her head at Maddie who smiled.

"I did... and someone promised me soup," Tony grinned at Maddie.

"He did... and I did. Don't think I've forgotten." Maddie looked up at Abby. "But I agree with Tony. You're a great cook."

"She is." Gibbs put in.

Abby gave him a pleased smile, feeling a blush climb her cheeks. "Oh, stop it, you lot."

"I've never seen anyone so organized in a kitchen," offered Maddie. "I'm usually rushing around like a headless chicken and use just about every pot and utensil I can find."

"Well... I don't know about that. But I do love cooking. I can lose myself in it," Abby admitted.

"And the kitchen's another lab," Gibbs commented, standing and exchanging a smile with Abby as he helped gather plates.

Abby pointed at him. "Exactly right, my silver-haired fox. A place for everything and everything in its place."

Tony started to stand. "Let me give you a hand, Abby."

Gibbs shook his head. "We got it."

He followed her through to the kitchen, carrying the rest of the plates, and retrieved bowls from the cupboard as Abby removed a pie from the oven. He peered over her shoulder, resting a hand on her lower back. "Apple?"

"Uh-huh," Abby glanced at him. "Your favourite."

"It is," Gibbs grinned and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Ice cream?"

Abby nodded. "Yup... and there's cream in the fridge too."

"Any chocolate sauce?"

"Nope... best we can manage right now is chocolate ice cream." She eyed him curiously as he carved up the pie. "But we can get some... if you want."

"Mom used to put chocolate sauce on my pie," he revealed softly after a few moments.

Abby's eyes widened but before she could comment further, Maddie appeared, carrying the empty wine bottle. "I just came for another bottle... we appear to have demolished this one... or it's evaporated."

Gibbs shook himself from his reverie, smiling at the younger woman. "Sure."

He reached for another bottle and grabbed the corkscrew before heading back, commenting as he approached the table. "Better rack here tonight, Tony."

"Reckon you're right, Boss, thanks." Tony grinned up at Gibbs, leaning back in his chair, lacing his fingers behind his head. "Although in fairness, I don't usually drink on a school night but I figure this is a special occasion."

"You got that right." Gibbs looked towards the kitchen at the two women and Tony watched his expression soften before he turned back. "Family always is." He held Tony's gaze to try and convey his meaning.

A genuine smile spread across the younger man's face, reaching his eyes. "Sure is." Gibbs nodded and opened the bottle, pouring refills all round.

"Tony! D'ya want ice cream or cream on your pie?" Abby called out from the kitchen.

"Yes!"

Abby poked her head round the kitchen door, narrowing her eyes playfully at Tony's wide grin. "It's an either or, Tony, not a both. You'll be sick."

"You wanna make that a bet, Abby?" Tony grinned, waggling his eyebrows.

"No... not in my kitchen, mister." Abby laughed. Gibbs smothered a grin at her use of 'my' and headed back to help carry through the dessert from the kitchen.

"Ice cream then." Tony decided after considering. "If I have to choose."

"You could always have one slice with ice cream and then the next slice with cream," Maddie pointed out.

"Don't encourage him," Gibbs commented.

Tony pointed at Maddie. "I like the way you think."

Maddie laughed. "Well, it's pie... you can never have enough pie. I think Shannon made it a rule, didn't she?"

"She did." Gibbs chuckled, nodding as Tony glanced at him quickly, startled.

"I like that rule, Boss. You oughta adopt it."

"How well you know his eating habits already, Maddie." Abby held up her hand as she came in. "And before you ask, Tony, no, we are not having an ice cream eating competition either... like we, erm, usually do in your apartment on movie night." She gave Maddie a sheepish smile. "It always gets a bit outta hand."

"Aw, don't give away all our secrets, Abbs," Tony commented, grinning.

"Not sure I wanna know," Gibbs muttered, smirking as he placed bowls in front of Maddie and Tony and resumed his seat as Abby brought their bowls through. They settled down and tucked into the pie and conversation quietened for a while.

"S'good pie, Abbs," Gibbs commented as he finished.

"Sure is," Tony agreed. He sat back with a satisfied sigh. "Gimme a minute to work up to another piece."

"You're assuming there is another piece left, Tony," Abby teased with a smile.

"Not on a diet... yet," Tony grinned. "So, changing the subject rapidly... when d'ya need the DiNozzo muscles, Abby, to help ya move in?"

"Um, maybe next weekend." Abby glanced at Gibbs, who shrugged. "We gotta get me packed up first so that might take a while, y'know, with all my _stuff..._ and depending on what cases we catch this week. We've done some."

"You have," Gibbs reminded her

"Well, you and Maddie were at the marina... and there's still _sooo_ much to do. It's so exciting." She beamed at Gibbs. "So... maybe plan for next weekend and be ready to postpone till the next one if we have to."

Tony nodded. "Okay... sounds like a plan." He smiled at Abby's excitement as she almost bounced in her seat and glanced at Gibbs, catching the unguarded look and fond smile as he watched Abby.

"And I'm gonna help," added Maddie. "As little as that is."

"Told ya," Abby pointed her spoon at Maddie. "Any help is great."

Maddie shrugged. "Well, I've gotta do something to say thank you for this weekend."

"No, you don't. It's not tit for tat, Maddie," Abby pointed out. "There's no _gotta_ about it, right Gibbs?"

Gibbs nodded. "Right."

"Even so... I want to help," Maddie insisted.

"Want you there too." Gibbs patted her arm.

Maddie grinned. "Besides, it'll be fun."

"Oh, it'll be that alright," Tony laughed, sobering when he caught Gibbs' eye, who gazed at him steadily but he could see the amused twinkle in the blue eyes. "Anyway, moving on... you going back to your apartment tomorrow, Maddie?"

Maddie nodded. "I am, Tony... It's been a lovely weekend but I've gotta get back there some time. No point being nervous about it."

Tony nodded. "But understandable if you are... anyone would be."

Abby shared a glance with Gibbs. "If you want one of us to stay for a night or two, Maddie, we can."

"No... I wouldn't dream of it," Maddie shook her head. "You've got enough to do."

"Well, if you're sure?"

Maddie nodded. "Yeah, I am, Abby. Not that I wanna sound ungrateful... I just..."

"Gotta do it." Tony finished for her. "Yeah, I get it.

"Yeah... that's exactly it, Tony," agreed Maddie, giving him a grateful smile.

"Ring us if you need to." Gibbs put in.

Maddie rolled her eyes. "Yes, dear." Tony snorted and Abby pounded him on the back as he choked on his drink as Gibbs chuckled. Maddie giggled as she went on. "No, I will... I promise, Jethro."

"Or me... I'm nearer," suggested Tony when he'd recovered.

"I will, Tony... thank you. I can't tell you how much it means... all this," Maddie gestured round her. "As excited as I was about coming back to D.C., it's felt kinda lonely for a while so it's like I've suddenly gained a whole new family." She paused and a smile spread over her face. "Almost as dysfunctional as the one I left... which was full of crazy cousins."

"Well, if the cap fits," Tony said with a grin.

Abby laughed as she got to her feet, heading for the kitchen. "Ignore my big brother. At least we're not the Addams family."

"Oh... I dunno." Tony commented, and ducked away from the light head slap aimed his way by Gibbs, who'd gotten up to dish out second helpings of pie.

"More, Mads?"

Maddie held out her bowl. "Yes, please, Jethro, before Tony eats it all."

"Hey..." Tony protested, smiling. "I don't have to sit here and take this."

"Could always stand up." Gibbs put in, shoving a bowl Tony's way before turning to Abby as she came in. "Abbs?"

She shook her head, giggling at the look on Tony's face. "No more, thanks."

"Thanks, Boss," Tony took the bowl, laughing, and glanced at Abby. "Been thinking, Abbs. D'ya need any of my buddies to help with the move too... extra pairs of hands and all that? You'd like my buddies, Maddie."

Abby shook her head as she put the cream and ice cream on the table. "We're hoping Ziva and McGee and Jimmy can lend a hand when we need it."

"But..." Tony paused with his spoon poised over the ice cream, glancing between the two of them, eyes widening.

Gibbs forestalled his question as he resumed his seat. "Gonna tell 'em this week."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, Tony." Gibbs caught Abby's hand as she passed him, pressing a quick kiss to her knuckles before lacing their fingers together as he met her eyes before looking back at Tony. "It's time."

Abby watched the two men have one of their conversations without saying a word and noticed Maddie's fascination as she looked between Tony and Gibbs, as if observing a tennis match.

Gibbs ended it by nodding slightly, a slight smile on his face. He tilted his head. "Ice cream's melting, Tony."

A wide smile spread across Tony's face in return. "So it is." He watched as Abby wrapped her arms round Gibbs from behind, hugging him, and saw the joy on her face and the emotions in the Marine's blue eyes. "On both counts."

* * *

Abby slid under the bedclothes and shuffled closer to Gibbs, who turned on his side, head propped on his hand as he gazed down at her. He ran his fingertips gently over her face, tracing her features, smiling as her nose twitched.

She rubbed at it, giggling as his light touch tickled. "Stop it... that makes me wanna sneeze."

He snorted and dropped a kiss on her nose. She smiled, cupping his cheek, gazing at him affectionately. "And how you doing? It's been a helluva day... correction, helluva weekend."

Tony was fast asleep on the couch downstairs after Maddie had headed to bed, worn out by the long and emotional day. The rest of the evening had passed quickly, everyone sprawled out in the living room, the conversation relaxed and easy. It had felt like a family evening again, and Gibbs had cherished every minute.

"Doing okay." He bent to kiss her tenderly. "Really okay. Thanks to you... and Mads."

He didn't underestimate how much effort Abby had made this weekend for him and for Maddie. She'd put her own needs on hold and he was determined not to take that for granted. And Maddie had shown him nothing but a perceptive kindness as she shared her memories... gently pushing him to enjoy them again.

Both women had shown him how much he had to gain.

He also felt lighter than he had for years... and could only hope it would last. It had felt like a turning point this weekend in some way and he couldn't put a finger on precisely why, other than a build up of everything, especially coming on top of his girls encouraging him to go back... to live again, in more ways than one.

Abby saw the slight surprise on his face at his words. "You've done so much... Not sure you realize that. You should give yourself an attaboy."

He shook his head. "You two've done most of it... helped me. You especially." He hesitated a moment before admitting. "Never shared Kelly's room with anyone."

"Oh... I didn't... didn't realise." She felt her throat tighten and wrapped her arms round his neck, pulling him down into a hug and he settled against her. "Means so much," she whispered to him and his arm tightened in response.

They lay in comfortable silence for a while, until Abby broke it. "We can drive Mads back to her apartment tomorrow on our way in to work, I guess."

Gibbs nodded, pressing his face into her hair. "Sounds good. You think she'll be okay there on her own?"

She rested her hand on his arm where it crossed her waist. "You mean is she putting on a brave front in front of us?"

"Uh-huh."

"Maybe," she acknowledged. "But she's gotta bite the bullet sometime, like she said."

Gibbs sighed. "Yeah. Might as well be now."

"Not that I feel any easier about it than you do." Abby twisted her head to look at his face. "I'm sure she'll call if it's too much... and I can always _accidentally_ call her tomorrow night about something else... see how she sounds."

Gibbs squeezed her waist. "That'd be good."

"I'll only worry about her too if I don't," Abby admitted. She was silent for a few moments. "I'm so glad you two are back in each others' lives and that she'll stay in touch... it feels like I've gained a family member too."

"Me too, Abbs. She's a great kid."

It wasn't a given that the adult Maddie had become would have reconnected with Gibbs. So one of the joys of this weekend had been to see how well they did get on... no doubt helped by their common bond of memories and some of the same shared wounds. And it had been good for him to see how his girls' deaths had affected Maddie.

Abby was sure they'd be good for each other. She certainly hoped that Maddie had more of an understanding now of why Gibbs had risked so much for her.

And with her own relationship with Gibbs, Abby knew they were by no means out of the woods but she was more hopeful than she had been just a few days ago.

With Maddie staying with them, it had been an artificial situation in some ways. A lot would depend how they both handled things in the coming weeks and months, but she hoped that this weekend would be a starting point.

If nothing else, Abby hoped that this time had shown Gibbs that it was okay to miss his girls and to talk about them, and that she wouldn't resent him for doing so. That sharing memories could also mean helping each other move forward – using the past to help them cope with the present instead of being a barrier.

He'd gotten the opportunity to share the enormous burden he'd carried on his own for so long... one she'd wanted to help him with more than anything. She intended it to be her life's work.

Maddie had helped her learn about the husband and father he'd been and Abby hoped she'd helped the younger woman begin to know the man he'd become. Between them both, maybe they could help him find himself again, somewhere in between.

His voice low to her ear pulled her from her thoughts. "Got somethin' to show ya." He moved onto his back and picked up something from the bedside table and handed it to her when he rolled back.

Abby took the photograph from his hand, gazing at it curiously.

It showed a red-headed woman with a warm smile and smiling eyes and a man who looked a lot like Gibbs, especially around the eyes and nose but with darker hair. Both looked to be in their thirties and they were laughing at the camera, arms wrapped around each other.

"My mom and dad," Gibbs explained, his expression softening as he gazed at the photograph.

Abby shot him a startled glance, slightly stunned at this sudden glimpse into his past, on top of the snippet he'd revealed earlier on about his mom. This time, Gibbs was volunteering something personal that wasn't directly related to his girls or the weekend or Maddie.

She tried to gather her thoughts, her mind whirling with questions and not sure where to start. "You've never talked about them before... are they...?"

Gibbs shook his head briefly. "Mom died when I was 14."

"I'm sorry... What was your mom's name?"

"Ann."

"Ann," Abby repeated. "And your dad?"

"Jack... Jackson. He's still alive," explained Gibbs, feeling slightly uncomfortable but determined to share some of this with Abby.

"Where is he now?" she asked softly.

"In Stillwater."

"Oh." Abby examined the photograph for a while, taking in their features and their obvious happiness. "Is that where this was taken?"

He propped himself up on his elbow, head on hand as he gazed at the photo in Abby's hands. "Yup... looks like it's outside the local diner."

She glanced at him. "Is that where you grew up?"

Gibbs nodded. "Yeah..."

She peered more closely at the photograph. "I can see the resemblance to your dad, especially around the eyes... but you've got your mom's smile. Do you still see your dad?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Had a falling out... after my girls died."

He couldn't face talking about that in any great detail... maybe not for a long time and hoped Abby wouldn't push him on it. It was one of many elephants lurking in the shadows that he'd tried to keep quiet about, and there were some aspects of his past, like Hernandez, that he hoped Abby would never find out about.

"Oh... I'm sorry." She wanted to ask so much more but could feel the slight tension in him so she reined in her curiosity for now, handing him back the photo. "Thank you... for telling me."

He gazed at it for a moment before reaching out to drop the photo back on the bedside table. He rolled back, sliding a hand round her waist and tugging her into his arms. "Wanna tell ya stuff if I can... give me time, Abbs. Gonna try."

He hoped that this was just the start of being able to bridge the distance between the past and the present, bringing Abby more into that part of himself and opening up a bit. Maybe it was a way of merging the past with the future and learning how to cope with both better, so he could focus on that future... a future Tony had given back to him.

And Abby and Maddie were, in a way, giving him his girls back.

"Yeah... I know you are trying and I promise you I'll never take that for granted coz I know it doesn't come easy." Abby snuggled into his arms and they lay without speaking for a while before she asked hesitantly, "Tell me about growing up in Stillwater."

There was a long pause and Abby held her breath but eventually Gibbs began tentatively to talk and she lay there, surrounded by his warmth and strength, soaking up everything he was sharing.

Gibbs settled into a more comfortable position, running his hand through her hair as he spoke, sorting through memories in his head as he thought about his childhood... something he seldom did.

Maybe it was time he recognized that the price of the past didn't necessarily mean sacrificing his future.

The end.

A/N: Phew! Going to concentrate now on the next one in the Gabby 'Seasons' series; _Fall of Recovery_, as well as writing the Tibbs story I promised Kesterpan, _Slow Burn_.


End file.
